i only need you
by ashlovesCM
Summary: Reid and Prentiss have been together for almost two years, they've been through thick and thin together. they've got their own apartment and they're starting to talk about the future but something is changing, and fast. Prentiss went from cuddles on the sofa to being constantly distracted and when she disappears without a word he knows it can't be a coincedence.
1. hold me like this

Emily sat back in her swivel chair and rubbed her fingers over her eyes. There was a pile of paperwork on her desk that she should have finished but she was too distracted to think through it all. She was itching to start working another case but there had been a dry spell and all the cases submitted had been passed off as one offs or coincidences. Emily hated paperwork… she'd joined the BAU to get away from the nine to five desk job, not to be stuck in one where you wrote about mutilated bodies instead of tax returns.

"I think it's time we head back to the apartment. You look really tired" Reid said as he surprised her from behind and gently rubbed her shoulder. He hadn't meant to scare her; he just had a habit of being inconspicuous when they were together at work.

"Reid! You scared me!" she said as she sat up and spun her chair round and gave him a warm but troubled smile.

"What's wrong?" he said with an edge of concern.

Emily gave a little smile as she looked up at him and tilted her head in the way Reid loved. "Don't worry" she said in a voice that imitated a teenage girl trying to convince her mom to late her stay out late. "I'm just really tired… I need to look at something that isn't paperwork" she sighed and got up from her chair, put an arm through her jacket and with the other arm pushed her chair in.

"Food then bed, I guess?" he said with a relieved smile. He worried about her a lot, probably too much he thought.

"That sounds like a plan, my man" she said with a little laugh as they made their way to the elevator. They made small talk about the cases they were filling out paperwork for but they tried to not go into too much detail once they were out of the building. They'd made a deal long ago that work stayed at work.

As they steered their way out into the cold almost- winter air Reid turned to Emily. "Good night, Miss Prentiss" Reid said and gave her a knowing smile.

"Bye, Reid" Emily said with her best attempt at sarcasm as she flashed a smile and got into her car. Reid lingered a second longer before sliding into his car. They'd said goodbye but they really didn't need to, it was only an act for any of the team that might see them. They both went back to the apartment they had shared for almost a year and a half and later they'd get into the same bed.

Emily strolled through the living room and into their open plan kitchen. The fridge was covered in local takeaway numbers for when they came back late off a case. Reid came in just after her and dropped onto the couch. Emily sighed and pulled their favourite pizza place's number off the fridge and carried it out to the lounge; she didn't feel like cooking, or eating for that matter but Reid might.

Reid smiled at her and lifted up one of his arms to invite her for a cuddle. Emily returned his contagious smile and slide in next to him. She loved the way her head fit perfectly in the crook of his neck, like they were made to stay like that. She sat like that for who knows how long, she lost track of time when they were together like that, when everything felt perfect.

She gave a subconscious smile and opened her eyes without realizing she'd closed them. She gave another little satisfied smile and looked up at Reid. She expected to see him smiling too or maybe see his eyes closed but he was just looking straight ahead with a troubled look.

"What're you thinking about?" she said, carefully hiding the worry in her voice.

"Uh, nothing" he said but she could tell he was hiding something.

"Come on, Spencer. What's eating at you" she said and sat up a bit so their heads were almost level.

"I was, uh, thinking about a case a while back" he said, his voice still sounding like he was far away.

"You wanna be a little more specific?" she said with a little laugh as she played with a strand of his hair.

"It was, uh…" he shifted uncomfortably and licked his lips. "It was before we, uh, got together" he gave a heavy sigh and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "All that stuff with Cyrus and the explosion…" he said with another tired sigh.

"You still think about it, huh?" she said, concern seeping into her voice.

"It's hard not to, Emily. You gave up everything for me… you could have been _killed_" he said, his voice straining to keep composure. It was still hard to him to think about it now; they'd never really talked about it. They just put it down to risks of the job they did and tried to put it to the back of their minds.

"Yeah, but I wasn't. I'm here with _you_, Reid. So I got a couple of bruises, there not here now are they?" she said with a little smile that she hoped he'd notice.

"No, I guess not. It's just…" he struggled to find the words and licked his lips. "I just find it hard, you know? I don't really know what I would have done if you, um… if he'd k- killed you" he said finally and ran a hand through his hair.

Emily thought for a second before letting out a little sigh and lifting up her arm so his body slipped quickly down onto hers so his head was resting on her lap. She loved it when they sat like that. She ran a hand through his hair, he'd had a haircut. A big one too, even Hotch had joked about him looking like he was from a boy band. He'd cut his hair a little after that and she liked it how it was… she couldn't help miss the way he tucked it behind his ear though.

Reid closed his eyes without realising it; he hadn't slept well for the last few days. The last few months had been rough. JJ had left and every case after that had felt like it was missing something. Rossi had been distracted after one of his old cases had to be reopened and Hotch was preoccupied with finding JJ's replacement. He'd meant to talk about how he was feeling with Emily but they always ended up so peaceful like they were right there, and he didn't like ruining the few times they could be a couple by talking about the past.

"We all miss her Spencer…" she said as if she had read his mind. She stroked a few of the loose strands away from his face and looked down at his face. His face was obviously tired but there was something underneath that told her he was still troubled. "It feels like every investigation is missing something. Like a machine when you take out one of the pieces. You think it won't make a difference to such a well performing machine but it does. It makes every cog in that machine question it's place" she said, her voice getting a little crackly towards the end as she fought to keep her composure. She was upset about JJ leaving but she knew they'd stay friends not matter where she moved to, it was hard not to cling to the people who had seen the same horrific encounters as you. Reid wasn't sure, though. He thought she'd forget about him and that's what upset her most, the fact that he didn't really know how much he meant to everyone.

Reid's eyes flickered open and he licked his lips again. "She didn't _want_ to go, Emily. That's what gets me the most. She did everything right and they still made her leave…" he sighed again and scrunched his eyes closed before looking back up at her. "Why do they keep me around when all I do is mess up but they make her leave... it's not fair" he said and sighed again.

"Hey, this isn't your fault, Reid. And beating yourself up about it isn't helping anyone" she ruffled his hair softly and sighed. "Come on, lover boy. I think it's your bed time. Don't think I haven't noticed you sneaking out of bed when you think I'm asleep. You're not going to learn anything new from your books at 3 in the morning. Besides, I like someone to snuggle when it gets cold" she said and gave him a playful nudge.

Listening to Emily to talk to him like that made Reid completely at ease. He loved the way she knew how he was thinking, how she knew he wasn't sleeping, how she knew he loved to snuggle. He sat up slowly and stood, wincing the slightest bit at his knee. The doctor wasn't kidding when he told him it would take a while to get back to normal; being short in the knee was no fun at all.

He let Emily walk in front of him then wrapped his arms awkwardly around her. His face snuggled into her neck and gave it the most delicate of kisses. Emily let out a cross between a moan and a sigh and smiled to herself. He always knew how to make her feel better after a long day of work, what she didn't know was she had the same affect on him.

She gently tugged his hand and led him to the bedroom. With most couples it would have ended with out of breath, hot bodies lying next to each other but there was something about their relationship that was different. They definitely had their moments but, for the most part, they fell asleep fully clothed and snuggling. And they liked it like that, passion was different for them.

Passion was there every day, when they caught eyes during Hotch's briefings, across the bullpen or snuggled up on the couch. They didn't need to be bare skinned to feel it. They just had to be them.


	2. the christmas list

Reid lay awake next to Emily as he listened to her steadily breathing in and out. He looked over at the digital alarm clock by his bed that read 5:56. He knew that she would be waking up soon and he should probably get dressed or at least do something but the sound of her calm breathing kept him like that. They'd just gotten back from a case last night and he knew how tired Emily must be. She always poured her heart and soul into every case but the last one was particularly rough on her. He knew she hadn't slept more than a few hours a night for the five days they were in Indiana.

Emily stirred in her sleep and turned onto her side, facing Reid with a puzzled look on her face even though she was still asleep. He gently stroked her cheek and twirled a strand of her dark hair through his fingers. He loved it when they had moments like this; when they could just be a couple, not FBI profilers. Emily slowly opened her eyes and smiled as she saw Reid looking down on her.

"Watching me sleep, huh? A little creepy, don't you think?" she said with a soft laugh.

"Creepy? What happened to romantic? Or loving?" he said and snuggled a little closer to her so there lips were only an inch or so apart.

"Roses are caring, sweetie. Watching me sleep is un Sub territory" she said, whispering the last sentence as he lent in and lead a gentle kiss on his baby soft lips.

"Well…" he said, sighing a little and propped himself up on his elbow. "Maybe I'll get you roses for Christmas" he said and leant in to kiss her again with a grin on his face.

"Christmas? It's November tenth! You can't be thinking about that already" she said in between kisses.

"Are you kidding? I'd bought half your presents in October!" he said and gave her one long kiss that seemed to last forever.

"Ugh, I've still got all the team to buy for" she said with a little smile as she kissed him back.

"Well, I hope you don't forget all about me on that long list" he whispered and gave her one short kiss before bouncing of the bed and standing proudly in front of her.

"Ugh, Spencer. It's freaky how bouncy you are in the morning…" she said and pulled the covers over her face so she could just see him grinning at her.

"come on, you need a coffee ASAP… maybe I'll help you with the teams' presents" he held out his hands to her and with some resistance Emily eventually grabbed his hands and let him help her up. He guided her out to the lounge and sat her down then scooted out into the kitchen and made two coffees, just the way they liked it.

"You know, I can never get my coffee to taste this good" Emily said, her voice just above a whisper as she took another sip from her large coffee mug Reid had bought her last Christmas.

"Want to know my secret?" he said with a grin revealing itself over the top of his mug. Emily's smile grew and she nodded quickly. "I add a mix of sugar _and_ splenda" he said and took a large sip from his coffee.

"Really? Huh, I never thought of that" she said as she thought about it. She took another sip and nodded to show she recognise the taste of sugar now. She took a few more sips then one last gulp and placed the empty mug on the coffee table. "We have to go in today, don't we?" she asked. She wanted to snuggle up under some blankets with him and watch reruns of 90's comedies, not look at more crime scene photos than she cared to think about.

"Sadly, yes. But Hotch left a message on my phone saying we don't have to be in till 10:30. Which means we have time for…" he let one of his hands drift toward her and used his two fingers to walk up her arm.

"Time for what?" she said and winked seductively.

"A Christmas list for the team!" he said with a little laugh at having tricked her.

"Seriously, Spencer? _That's _how you want to spend your morning off work? Thinking about work?"

"It's not thinking about work! It's just thinking about the _people_ we work with…" he said with that little contagious smile of his. Emily gave him a look and his smile grew to a grin. "Ok, it's thinking about work but at least this is fun! Better than paperwork!" he said and gave her a little nudge.

After some convincing Emily sat up and worked on the Christmas list, once she got into it she realized it didn't take that long to figure everything out. Everyone had their little thing that made them easy to buy for. The only person she hadn't decided on was Reid. He had such varied tastes that it made it almost impossible to buy for him. She wanted to get him something he'd love, something he hadn't expected her to buy but that made it even sweeter that she did.

After a few hours Reid finally sighed and stood up, realizing they were both still in there PJ's. Emily realized almost straight after him and without a word they got dressed and realizing the time Emily went to leave.

"See you soon, Miss Prentiss" Reid said with a little laugh.

"Oh, I hope so my illicit lover" she whispered in his ear has she opened the door behind her.

"Do you even know what illicit means?" he said while heavily giggling like a school girl.

Yep, I just like to think this is too good to be legal" she whispered and kissed his cheek. He smelt the sweet scent of her familiar perfume and wanted to close the door and keep her in with him but she was already out the door and twirling round in the direction of her car.

"God, she's perfect" he whispered to himself as he watched her half skip across the car park below their apartment. She opened the car door and just before she got in she looked up and gave him a little wink before slipping into her car and speeding off. Reid licked his lips as he saw the car speed off and turned a corner. He grabbed his messenger bag off the floor, turned off the lights, locked the door and raced to his car as rain started dripping onto him. Typical luck of Emily to avoid the rain, he thought. He didn't mind though. "She'll get drenched when she has to get out of her car and into the office" he said with a little chuckle to himself.


	3. christmas day with lots of kisses

"We're gonna be late" Emily said in a little sing song voice as Reid fussed over his hair. He'd never been one to care much about his appearance but it was Christmas and he was seeing JJ and Henry for the first time in almost 3 months.

"Are you sure it won't look strange if we turn up together? I can always take my car and come by a little later..." he said as he flicked through the wardrobe for something to wear. He'd always been hopeless with clothes and he knew if he stood there long enough Emily would help him.

"Reid, I already told JJ that I'm going to stop by your place and bring you with me. If we turn up separately they'll think it's weird" she looked over at him as she played with the idea of wearing earrings or not. She gave a little smile as she saw him staring at the vast amount of clothes he had, the majority of which she had bought him while they were a couple. "Wear this" she said pulling out a dark purple shirt.

"Does it look ok?" he said as he put it on and turned this way and that in the mirror. Emily picked out one of his sweater vests and passed it to him; she knew it would make him feel slightly less awkward.

"You look great" she said and gently kissed him on the lips, closing her eyes as she did so.

"Even if they don't think us arriving together is suspicious I think they'll notice your lipstick on me" he said with a little giggle as they rested their foreheads together so their lips were almost touching.

"Right" Emily said and gently used her finger to wipe any of the lipstick off. Reid loved moments like that, if they were going to see someone other than JJ and his godson he might have considered cancelling and staying locked up in their apartment for the night.

"I suppose we're going to be really late if we…" he said and gave her a little wink. It was funny how they were so flirty about stuff like that yet they rarely ever acted on it. Sort of like Morgan and Garcia's relationship, he couldn't hep think.

"Yes, we will. Come on" she said and gently tugging his arm towards the front door. She tugged his arm out of the door and down to her car that was full of presents for JJ, Henry and Will. Emily drove and Reid spent most the time staring at her. She always had that look on her face when she drove, like she was concentrating really hard.

Once they got to JJ's house they picked up a handful of presents each and slowly walked to the door, trying not to drop any of them. Emily rang the bell and flashed a smile and wink at Reid, she knew he got panicked in situations where people might think they were a couple.

"Emily!" JJ called as she pulled the door open. Reid saw little Henry clinging to his mom's leg and smiled down at him, he'd grown so much already. "Spence!" she said as she saw him standing just behind Emily. He flashed a smile at her as he pulled his eyes away from his little godson. "Guys, how many presents did you buy?" she said a little shocked as her eyes shifted to their hands. She pulled the door open further and they walked in, settling the presents down on their dining room table.

"I wouldn't get your hopes up, JJ" Emily said with a laugh. "I think most of the stuff Reid bought was for Henry" she said and gave him a playful but discreet nudge.

"I wouldn't expect anything different from him" JJ said with a laugh. Reid bent down and started talking and playing with Henry, he'd missed him so much. He loved it when JJ used to bring him to the office; it made things a little more bearable. JJ and Emily looked down at him with big smiles, he never realised how adorable he looked when he was playing with Henry.

"Hey, where's Will?" Emily said and looked around.

"I left him to supervise the kitchen but…" JJ said, just then there was a loud crash from the kitchen and JJ gave a sneaky wry smile. "And that's my signal to take over before he breaks anything" she said, gave one last smile to Emily then rushed out to the kitchen. In the distance Emily and Reid both heard JJ say "how did you manage to do that?" and they both gave a little smile to each other.

"Hey Henry, do you wanna see what me and Emily got you for Christmas?" Reid said and looked up at Emily. She was smiling down on him and tilting her head like a little puppy. Henry nodded quickly and a great big grin was plastered on his face.

JJ emerged from the kitchen with Will just behind her. "I was going to offer you guys some homemade mince pies but…" she said and laughed at Will.

"Is it ok to give Henry his presents?" Reid said as he looked up at JJ, he was almost as excited to give Henry the presents as Henry was to receive them. JJ gave a little nod and a warm smile so Emily passed a few presents down to Reid who passed them to Henry who tore them open as quickly as he could.

Once all the presents had been opened and Henry had started playing with some of them JJ sat down next to him. "Who gave you that one, Henry?" JJ said while pointing to the robot in his hands. Henry gave a little shrug and look up to Emily and Reid for the answer.

"Oh, uh…" Reid looked round to Emily for the answer. The truth was they'd bought the majority of Henry's presents as a couple.

"I think Reid bought that one" Emily said as smoothly as she could. JJ glanced up for a second then looked back at Henry who was attempting to play with all his toys at once. "Are you seeing any of the team over the holidays?" she said, trying to change the subject.

"Hotch and Jack called yesterday to say they couldn't make it today but we're seeing them New Year's, anyway" JJ said, stood up and leant against the table.

"What about Penelope?" Will said as he picked Henry up from his toys, it must be his bed time Reid thought.

"Oh, yeah. Garcia's meant to be bringing chocolate thunder over in a couple days" she said and winked at Emily. Reid loved there inside jokes, most people would have felt left out but he loved the little moments Emily could have with her friends. It always made him think when she first joined the BAU and was always overcompensating because she hadn't yet realised how well she fitted into the team.

Emily's eyes flicked over to the clock then to Will who was carrying Henry off to bed. "I think we'll leave you two to have some alone time" Emily said and winked at JJ. "Come on, Spencer. I'll drop you back home" she said with a secret smile just for him.

JJ giggled and nudged Emily. "If only" she said and laughed again. "Hey, you guys haven't had your presents yet!" she called and grabbed two perfectly wrapped gifts from the side and handed it to them. "Don't open them till you guys get home, okay?" she said and gave a hug to each.

Reid was a little reluctant to leave but once they were in the warm comfort of the car he didn't feel as bad about it. He had been thinking it would have been awkward seeing her again from start to finish but it had been relaxed and they still felt like a family. For the most part of the car ride back he just stared out the window with a little satisfied smile.

When they got back to the apartment they were both exhausted. Reid had woken up Emily Reid had woken up Emily early to give her roses, just like he had promised, and they didn't bother going back to sleep after.

"Why don't we open these in bed?" Emily said as she slipped off her shoes and dropped the car keys on the coffee table. Reid nodded as he tried hard to hold in a yawn and they lazily made their way to their bedroom. Emily quickly slipped off his dress and put on her PJ's while Reid pulled off his sweater vest and flopped onto the bed.

"What do you think they got us?" Reid said puzzled as he turned over his rectangular shaped box. It was about the size of a paperback book but it felt like a hard material. Emily shrugged and jumped onto the bed next to him. Emily always got excited about presents, even if she was exhausted.

"You first" she said even though she was itching to open hers.

"No, you first" he said with a cheeky grin.

"I'm not opening mine until you open yours" she whispered as she leaned forward so their lips were almost touching.

"You're not going to win this argument, Em" he said and lightly stroked her leg and leaned in even closer.

"Wanna bet?" she whispered and softly kissed him. Reid smiled as he kissed her back and closed his eyes. They kissed a few seconds longer then their lips parted so slowly and delicately.

"How about we open them together" he said with a big grin on his face.

Emily nodded and couldn't help but return his contagious smile. "I told you I'd win" she couldn't help say before they tore open the presents.

"Emily, look at this!" Reid said his voice full of excitement. In his hand there was a little wooden box, he'd lifted up the lid and the inside was filled with Las Vegas memorabilia.

"Ah, Spencer! That's so nice!" she said as she stared down at the little box. He'd thought JJ would do something like that; she always was good at getting personal stuff just right.

"What did she get you?" he said while trying to drag his eyes away from his present. Emily was holding a photo frame with little engravings all around the side and a picture of the team all together in the middle. Emily's fingers traced over the engravings and faces of her team members. "What do the words mean?" Reid said.

"They all say 'forever family' but in different languages" she said, her voice filled with joyful shock. "That one is Russian" she said pointing to one of them. "That's French, Italian, Arabic…" she said as she pointed to different engravings. She smiled to herself then put it on her bedside table and lay down. Reid smiled at her, he loved it when she was happy; it always made him feel warm inside.

He put the little wooden box on his bedside table and snuggled up to her. They both loved spooning, the feel of the others body warmth on their skin completely relaxed them and lulled them to sleep.

"Do you ever think about kids, Spencer?" Emily whispered to him in the dark. Reid thought for a moment then cleared his throat.

"I suppose so… sometimes… I'm not sure. I mean, I guess I sometimes wonder what I'd be like as a dad" the last word came out a little choked but he tried to hide it. Emily knew he had father issues and bringing this up right before they fell asleep might not have been the best idea.

"When I see you and Henry together… I guess it makes me think what you'd be like as a dad, too" she said. His arm was wrapped around her waist and was resting on her stomach, his palm covering her belly button. She reached down and held his hand, their fingers entwining in the dark.

"Is that something you, uh… you might want? In the future?" he knew about her abortion when she was fifteen and he'd always held back talking about starting a family because of it.

"I guess so. Well, you're still young so I guess I didn't really expect you to think about children and stuff… I'm probably just worried about getting old or something…" she said, embarrassment obvious in her voice.

Reid let out a little laugh and gently kissed her shoulder. "You're not getting old, Emily. It's normal for people to think about having children… I'm thinking about it, after all" he said and rubbed his thumb against her flat stomach. "You'll always be beautiful to me, Emily. You remember that. Whether we don't have any kids or we have 10. Heck, I'm still going to love you when we're old and grey and giving lectures at colleges for fun" he said and laughed again.

"I love you, Spencer" she whispered into the dark and snuggled up as close as she could to him and closed her eyes. Sleep began to wash over the pair of them thick and fast and soon they were in a deep sleep, still holding each other closely.


	4. headaches in the dark

"What's wrong?" Emily said from the kitchen. It was her turn to make coffee and the water was boiling, when she stole a look at him he was rubbing his eyes that were tightly scrunched together and he was wincing in pain.

"I'm fine" he said, a little sharper than he had meant. He got up and walked to the kitchen and stopped next to her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that" Emily's hand was resting on the countertop so he gently stretched out his arm and placed his hand over hers.

"You're in pain, Spencer. What's wrong?" she repeated. It was obvious in her voice that she was worried about him and it didn't take a profiler to see it.

"I… I've just got a headache, that's all" he said with a sigh.

"Have you seen a doctor about it?" she said and took the water of the boil and started making their coffees. Reid raised an eyebrow from surprise and Emily sighed. "Spencer, I live with you. If you think I don't notice those little winces of pain you try and hide from me then maybe you're not such a genius" she said, trying to be light-hearted but he still looked glum.

"I- I don't really want to… encase it's…" he sighed again and rubbed his eyes. "You know" he finally said.

"The lights are hurting your eyes, aren't they?" she said, she'd finished making the coffees and she was just watching him now. He slowly nodded, the truth was he was relieved she finally knew; it was bad enough having the headaches, hiding them only made it worse. "Come on, let's go have these in the bedroom" she said, her voice just above a whisper.

Reid reluctantly followed her out into the bedroom. He had a few sips of coffee but all he really wanted to do was close his eyes and go to sleep. When she saw how bad a state Reid was in she didn't fell like coffee anymore. She came closer to him and he lifted up an arm for her. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. She knew it made him feel better, being able to feel her heat on him.

She felt his breathing steadying out until it was deep and regular and she knew he was asleep. She thought back to the first time she saw him. The way he looked up from the bullpen at her, how they worked on their first case together. She loved the way he always listened to her and trusted her even without the facts. She knew he would believe anything she said, he never asked something she didn't feel comfortable answering, he never took anything too far too fast. He was always trying to prove how much he loved her.

He honestly thought she was worth it, that she was special enough to do all this for. At moments like this she couldn't help but doubt herself. Maybe she caused his headaches. He wasn't even 30 yet and she was making him think about kids. Maybe he didn't even want kids; maybe he just wanted what would make her happy.

At times like that Emily wished she could understand what Reid was thinking. But it wouldn't matter if she did because she wouldn't believe it anyway. She didn't know he thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She didn't know that he still felt guilty about all the times she'd gotten hurt and he hadn't been able to stop it happening. She didn't know that he'd thought about every moment of their future since they'd become official. She didn't know any of it and she never would know it all.


	5. just call me back

Reid sorted through a few of his folders while standing at Emily's desk. He looked down at her and saw she was deep in thought but it didn't look like she was thinking about work.

"Is everything ok with you?" he whispered discreetly.

"Oh, yeah… I'm just tired" she said and gave her best attempt at a warm, honest smile. It was a good attempt too. Most people would believe she was just tired but Reid knew her better than that; maybe it was the profiler in him or maybe it was the fact he had shared a life with her for the last two years. Whatever it was inside him, it told him not to push the issue.

He returned the warm smile and went back to his desk. It was Monday and they'd only finished a case on Saturday which meant looking through more paperwork. In normal circumstances he would have had finished his paperwork by lunch but his headaches were getting worse and now he had Emily to worry about. It might just have been that they were at work and they'd talk about it when they got home but he had a hunch she wasn't going to offer up anymore information willingly.

He glanced over at her again and she was staring down at her phone deep in thought, she was questioning whether or not she should call someone. In the other hand she was playing with the necklace he had bought for her for Christmas. The chain was pulled up to her chin and the silver 'E' was touching her lips so softly it was like the kisses they shared. He'd noticed she'd been playing with the necklace in situations she'd usually have bitten at her nails.

He rubbed his eyes and reached for his coffee cup, empty. He sighed, went to the coffee machine and slowly made his coffee. He tried to take as long as he could but eventually he went back to the bullpen, walking past Emily's desk as he went.

He saw she was still deep in thought but this time the phone was pressed to her ear and she was talking quietly into it. She sighed and listened to the person on the other end of the line. She hadn't spotted him yet but she was still on edge, even though the room was empty.

"Lauren Reynolds is dead" She said into the phone, her voice barely above a whisper. She rubbed her temple like she had a headache then hung up the phone.

"Who's Lauren Reynolds?" Reid said as he stopped and place his coffee on her desk. She had that worried look on her face that she'd had for the last few months. She'd tried to hide it at first and Reid thought he might be imagining it but things had been getting worse.

"Oh, hey Reid" she said while swivelling her chair round to him and sighed. For someone who was on edge it was unusual for her not too jump, seeing as she usually did when he surprised her. Well, she did before she started to look worried. "She was an old friend of mine that I knew back in college" she said and stood up.

"Sorry to hear that" Reid said slightly awkwardly, he'd never really known what to say to people when they got that sort of news. She didn't seem to be to upset about it so he made a mental note to talk to her about it later, she might feel a little more comfortable talking about it when they were at the apartment.

Reid grabbed his coffee and gave her an awkward little smile then went back to his desk. His headache eased slightly once the caffeine hit his bloodstream and he was able to finish most of the paperwork while keep an eye on Emily. He checked his watch and looked round the bullpen, the place had emptied out and it was dark outside. He quickly sorted out the paperwork into finished and unfinished piles then walked over to Emily's desk again.

"How're you feeling?" Reid said as he rested an arm on Emily's shoulder. He gave her a little smile and she tried her best to return it.

"Yeah, I'm just…" she sighed, leant back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. "I just need to get home" she finally said and stood quickly.

"Oh. Do you want me to, uh, drive you?" Reid asked. He'd never offered to drive her before and he knew she'd probably turn him down but she looked like a wreck and he wished she would just say yes.

"Reid, I'm fine to drive. I'm just tired, ok?" she said. He gave her a little nod and awkward smile as he tugged on the strap of his messenger bag. Reid took a step back as Emily pushed her chair in and walked in front of him. She glided right past him and carried on walking, not bothering to wait for him to catch up.

He jogged after her and managed to catch her up by time they reached the elevator. The ride down was quiet to say the least, every time Reid tried to make conversation Emily would give a one or two word reply. He guessed she might be thinking about Lauren Reynolds and not to push the issue too much.

"I'll see you, Reid" Emily said without a smile or a wink like she usually did. Something must be really wrong with her, Reid thought. She quickly slid into her car and took off; Reid stood and watched her drive down the corner then hopped into his car. Something was definitely wrong with her. He knew he should say something but he knew she didn't want to talk about it and he'd always felt bad about pushing issues with her.

When he got back the apartment was empty, the lights were off, and the door was locked. It looked like no one had been home. He looked round the apartment then kicked off his shoes and dropped his messenger bag. He sat down on the sofa and shook his leg up and down. Where could she be? She left before him… they always took the same route and she always arrived home first.

He waited half an hour before he went to check the parking lot; empty apart from his and his neighbour's car. He told himself she might need some space to get her head together about Lauren… but why would she have been so distracted for the past two months if she only found out about her today? Maybe she went to see one of her old college friends but, as far as Reid was aware, none of them lived nearby. And why would she say she needed to get home if she was going somewhere else?

"Hey, Emily… it's me, Spencer" he said, slightly awkwardly into the phone. "I was just, uh, wondering where you are? If you need some space that's fine but… could you just, um, call me or something? I just want to know your safe…" he said and ran his hand through his hair. This really wasn't like her. He'd been back an hour. She needed to be here. "Bye" he finally said, his voice struggling to rise above a whisper.

He shut his phone then played with it in his hand while considering leaving another message. He sighed and pulled at his hair out of frustration, he hated not knowing where she was. In normal circumstances he would have been fine with her taking some time for her but something about the way she had been acting made him worry. What if she was leaving him? It was shallow for him to think but it was easier to worry about having to go back to friends with the woman he loved than lose her completely.

He slumped down onto the sofa and opened his phone up. No new calls, no new messages. He knew there wouldn't be- he'd been staring at the phone since he'd left her the message. When it reached 1 o'clock he knew there was something majorly wrong. He picked the phone up and called again as he slipped his shoes on and grabbed his messenger bag.

"Hey, Emily, It's me again. Just calling to say that I'm going back to the office, if you want to talk I'll be there" he said, he had tried his best to detach himself but something struck him as he went to open the door. The 'his and hers' coffee mugs Emily had bought for Christmas were on the table from that morning. They'd used them every day since Christmas, in the morning and when they were called back to the office late at night.

His voice trailed off and there was just static on the line for a few moments as he stared at the coffee cups. He dragged his eyes away, turned off the lights and pushed himself out the door, locking it behind him. "Please call me, Emily… I… I need to hear your voice and make sure your okay" his voice faltered on the last sentence and he felt the familiar feel of tears pricking at his eyes. "Bye, Emily" he said, his voice crackling at the end. A tear escaped from his eye but he roughly pushed it aside and shut the phone.

The drive to the office felt longer than it ever had, longer than any traffic jam or horrific case could. When he finally did pull in to the office car park he rushed to get his pass out of his bag while jogging across the mostly empty car park. The only cars still left were the black SUV's that every member of the FBI seemed to drive… well, except him.

The elevator felt even longer than the car ride did, he knew it was because hope was telling him she was still up there. Maybe she turned her phone off and was just trying to finish her paperwork. Maybe his phone was broken and a case had come up, maybe they'd all be waiting in the briefing room for him. Maybe her tired but glad-to-see-him face would light up when he walked in late even though she'd try and hide it from the team.

A million situations ran through his head but when the elevator doors opened no one was there. The bullpen's lights were on but the separate offices and briefing room were all in darkness. He walked to Emily's desk, his fingers gliding across the top. He felt the coffee mug she was drinking from before she left- it was stone cold. If she had come back to stay late she would have made a new cup of coffee, and even if she made that right after he'd seen her leave it would still be partially warm.

Add that to the fact nothing had been moved on or near her desk, not even the chair she had been sitting in, it seemed less than likely for her to have come back here. Reid paced round the bullpen for a few minutes then slumped into his chair and check his phone again- nothing. He glanced at his watch and saw it was 2:30.

He looked through his contact list and for a moment he stopped on Hotch, maybe he should call him. He bit his lip for a second then looked further down until he landed on Emily's number stored under 'Prentiss'. He knew three calls would be strange if she had just booked into a hotel or stopped off at a friend's house. But he also knew you could never call enough when someone disappears, not from a professional point of view but from the feeling he had inside- the dread when he imagined every possible thing someone might have done to her.

He hit call before he could debate anymore and pressed the phone to his ear. "Emily, I'm at the office now. I, um…" he kept losing his train of thought. He knew he should be logical about this and the chances were she really had just stopped off at a friend's house but in his heart he didn't believe it. "Emily, I… I need to know you're ok. If this is about me then I understand. I know I can be stupid and awkward and boring but you don't need to do _this_. If…" the tears were coming thick and fast but he was still able to talk, to tell her what he needed to.

"If you want me to get out of the apartment, I'm out. I'll stay at the office till tomorrow and I'll get my stuff out and we can pretend that none of this ever happened… but" he took a deep breath and pushed the tears from his face again. "Please, just leave me a voicemail or something… I need to know that you're ok" he closed his eyes as tight as he could then opened them again. He wanted to say something else, something that would show her how much he really loved her and how she needed to pick up the phone but he couldn't so he hung up and tossed the phone across his desk.

He opened the bottom drawer on his desk, pushed papers and files aside and picked up a photo of them together in Las Vegas. He'd taken her there for a summer vacation so they could be a couple without worrying about hiding it from everyone. In the photo they were standing next to the 'welcome to fabulous Las Vegas' sign, he had a big grin on his face and his arm wrapped round her waist, Emily was kissing him on the cheek and you could even see Reid blushing.

That was their first full day out of the 2 week Vegas vacation. The rest of the time they'd spent exploring the Las Vegas strip and downtown Las Vegas, it had been pure bliss being able to hold hands while walking down the street, to kiss her when she least expected it. To be a normal couple.

His finger traced over her picture again and again, he felt tears rolling down his cheeks but he was too tired to push them away. He let them roll all the way down to his chin and crawl slowly down his neck. He closed his eyes but he still saw the picture in his mind, her beautiful face smiling as her soft lips caressed his cheek. He imagined Emily's warmth next to him, like it used to be. He suddenly felt the familiar tingles of sleep crawling onto him; he knew he'd be asleep soon.

"I love you, Emily" he whispered as his mind went numb and he fell into a deep sleep.


	6. listen to me

"Reid?" Morgan asked as he placed a hand on Reid's shoulder and gently squeezed it. He sat up with a start and sucked in a deep breath.

"What's the time?" he said as he stood up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He blinked twice and ran both hands through his hair.

"8:30, why?" Morgan replied but Reid didn't answer. He grabbed his phone off the desk and checked it- still nothing.

"Is Hotch in yet?" he said, already walking towards his office.

Morgan jogged after him "Yeah, he got in a few minutes ago. Reid what's this about?" he asked and stopped at the steps as Reid carried onto Hotch's office.

"I can't talk right now but I'll tell you later" he called behind him as he pulled open Hotch's door without knocking.

"Reid?" Hotch said as he glanced up from his paperwork. There was a simple white coffee mug in his hand that he had been drinking from which he put down onto his solid wood desk.

"Hotch, something's happened to Emily" he said. He'd usually have called her Prentiss to look more professional but his mind was in too much of a mess to think about hiding their relationship.

"What do you mean" he said very seriously as he stood up and glanced out of the window to where Emily's empty desk sat.

She didn't come home last night and she isn't returning my calls" he said so fast that the words started to trip over each other.

Hotch raised an eyebrow and looked seriously at Reid. "Home?"

Reid's face dropped as he realized what he'd said. "Um, we live together… as friends" he said in a bad attempt to somehow hide what was obvious to Hotch now.

"Reid. If Prentiss is missing you aren't going to help her by lying to me" he said in his stern voice that he rarely had to use on Reid.

"Right, sir" Reid said, ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He stole a look out the window and saw Emily's desk, just how it had been when he fell asleep.

"How long have you been together" Hotch said as he followed Reid's line of vision to the desk.

"We had our two year anniversary in September" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Two years, Spencer?" Hotch said and raised his eyebrows even further.

"Yes, sir" embarrassment obvious in his voice. His eyes were glued to the floor and for a moment he forgot why he was there.

Hotch turned round and separated two of the blind pieces to get a better look outside the window. "How do you know she's missing?" he finally said with a sigh, he was beating himself up for not noticing their relationship earlier.

"She said she was going home before she left but when I got back she wasn't there. I've left 3 voicemails on her phone and still nothing" he said and offered the phone to him to prove his case.

"She isn't due in for another 25 minutes, Reid. How do you know she didn't check into a hotel to get some work done in private?"

"Because she's been acting strange for the past two months. She's been getting phone calls that she's passing off as telemarketers and disappearing for a hours without saying anything about it when she gets back" he said, desperation clear in his voice.

"How do you know they weren't telemarketers? How do you know she didn't just need some space?" He asked. The truth was, Hotch wanted to dismiss this. Not because he didn't care about Emily but because he didn't want her missing.

"With all due respect sir, I've been romantically involved with her for two years, living with her for almost that long. I think I know when she's in trouble and she needs our help" he pleaded with Hotch.

Hotch sucked a deep breath in and steadied himself against a wall, he knew Reid was right. "Leave another message on her phone and check back in at home, she might have come back. I'll get the team together" Reid nodded, pushed his phone into his pocket and jogged out of the office. He left his messenger bag behind and took the stairs down to his car.

"Emily it's me. Listen, I've told Hotch about us. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to but I did. He's getting the team together… I think they're going to start working out you're last movements… bank transactions, credit cards, the usual stuff. I'm going to check to see if you're home then I'll be back in the office… please, Emily. Just call me… or Hotch, or anyone. I just need to know you're ok" he said then hung up. He shouldn't be talking on the phone while driving but he didn't care. There was still congestion from the rush hour but he was soon outside the apartment.

As he unlocked the door and turned on the lights he saw nothing had changed, even the coffee cups were still on the table. "Emily!" he called out into the apartment but only silence answered. He dashed round and checked every room, just to make sure she hadn't fallen into a deep sleep but he knew he wouldn't find anything.

He flicked his phone up and called out as he turned the lights off again and relocked the door, this time to Hotch.

"Did you find her?" he quickly asked down the line.

"No, nothing's been moved, the bed hasn't been slept in. the door was locked and the lights were all off too, it doesn't look like anyone has been there since I was" Reid replied. He was already in his car and speeding through the streets.

"Garcia is running the usual checks but the team haven't been briefed yet, I thought you might want to be there" He said, his voice getting quieter as he spoke.

"Ok, I'll be there in a few minutes" he said into the phone as he directed himself through the traffic.

"I'll see you then" Hotch replied and hung up. Reid pushed the phone back into his pocket. He put his foot down and drove just below the speed limit. The traffic had eased and the drive was relatively quick, once he got into the building he took the elevator back up then jogged into the briefing room.

He stopped as soon as he got in the door, he knew the team would all be in there but it still hit him like a brick wall once he saw everyone's faces. They were all looking confused, they had probably been waiting a long time without being briefed and it was unusual for Emily or Reid to be late.

"Hey, Reid. Have you seen Emily?" Seaver said from where she was sitting. Reid paused for a moment then quickly shook his head and sat next to Morgan and an empty seat that was waiting for Emily. Morgan looked at him and gave him a questioning look but Reid didn't look up, he didn't feel ready to deal with this.

Hotch came in almost as soon as Reid had sat down and sat down at the top of the round table and looked at the empty chair. "Prentiss is missing" he said with a sigh, he didn't want to say what he had to; he just wanted to work on the case they had been for the past weeks.

"What?" Morgan said and sat up, he glanced at Reid for a second but his eyes were mostly trained on Hotch.

"She hasn't been seen since last night and there's reason to believe she may be in danger" Hotch replied sullenly.

"Who was the last to see her?" Morgan asked as soon as Hotch had finished his sentence. Hotch closed his eyes for a second longer than a blink then pointed to Reid and sighed heavily.

"I saw her last night at 11:15 when we left here. She said she was going back to her apartment but she never did" he said, his voice struggling to keep its composure on the second sentence.

"And how do you know that?" Morgan asked as he turned to Reid.

"We, um" he cleared his throat slightly and glanced up at the team, all eyes were trained on him. He thought about lying and saying he went round to give her something and she was missing but He remembered what Hotch had told him about helping her. "We live together" he said, his voice straining as he pushed it above a whisper.

There was a long pause, Morgan sat back in his chair, Seaver looked round to gage other people's reactions; she'd only been there a few months and still wasn't sure of everyone's relationships.

"Garcia is running routine checks on all her credit cards and bank accounts but in the mean time I suggest you all get back to work on the case in hand. Prentiss's disappearance is being thought of as suspicious but she isn't being filled as a missing person until the 24 hour mark. If any of you think you might know something I encourage you to see me in my office after" Hotch said then walked out of the room.

Everyone sat round in stunned silence; most people were looking down at the table or around the room to distract themselves from what they'd just heard. Rossi was the first to get up and make his way back to his office, Morgan and Seaver quickly got up after him and left Reid to think through what he'd just heard. Why weren't they filing her as a missing person _now_? He knew that, under the circumstances, Hotch could so why wouldn't he?

He quickly got up and walked to Hotch's office, not bothering to knock he barged in for the second time that day.

"Reid? Why aren't you at your desk?" Hotch said as he turned to see him, he was obviously annoyed by Reid's intrusion.

"You know why, Hotch" Reid said through gritted teeth so he wouldn't shout or cry.

"You can't help her by doing this, Reid. You know that" he said sternly.

"And I can't help her pretending this isn't happening. Please, Hotch. I can't just sit around and wait for you to decide she's in trouble when I already know that" he said, his voice pleading with Hotch.

"Reid, stop it. You don't know she's in trouble, you _think_ you know. I've been very lenient with you today but if you want to stay here you're going to need to get some work done"

"Hotch, she's in danger and I need you to listen to me before something bad happens to her!" he yelled as he let go of all control.

"Reid" he paused for a moment and let Reid calm down before continuing. "I want you to go help Morgan with the list of names" he said with a sigh.

"Hotch, ple-" Reid began but Hotch cut him off.

"I'd like to remind you that I could very easily suspend you for engaging in a romantic relationship with one of your colleagues without informing your team leader" he said, Reid took a step back and sucked in a breath like he'd just had an electric shock and looked at Hotch like he didn't know him. "However, under the circumstances I'll refrain from doing so. I'd also like to remind you that if you still think it would be a good idea to not tell the team the full extent of your relationship with Prentiss you are very mistaken" Hotch said and sat down in his chair.

Reid took another step back and took deep breaths; he couldn't believe what Hotch was saying. He felt his eyes well up but he wouldn't let the tears fall, he just turned and quickly walked out of Hotch's office and towards Morgan.


	7. i should have seen it

"I've got four names on the bottom of the list Prentiss gave us" Morgan said as he stuck a fluorescent yellow post-it note onto the board for the case they were working. "Luke Renault, Laurence Riley, Lola Raferdy and Lilah Rogers.

"They all have the same initials?" Seaver asked.

"The CIA uses cryptograms like these to help undercover agents identify other agents on the same case" Hotch said as he walked towards them. Reid looked up when he saw him talk but he was still deep in thought.

"So, the last four names are spies?" Seaver said, and stood up to take a closer look.

"It looks like it" Morgan said as he passed the names to Seaver. She glanced over the names, nodded slowly and went to pass the sheet back to him.

"Wait, can I see that?" Garcia said as she reached across and took the paper. She studied the names for a moment then looked up. "This isn't right. You see that space at the bottom?" she said as she held up the piece of paper to show the team. "That shouldn't be there"

"Couldn't it be a formatting error?" Rossi asked as he leant against one of the desks.

"No, this is a spreadsheet template. The formatting doesn't allow for this" she said and passed the paper to Hotch. He glanced over the listen then looked back up at Garcia. "There's a missing name" she said as she took the piece of paper back.

"So, another spy covering his LR?" Hotch said and crossed his arms. Reid took a step back as he started to remember the phone conversation he'd heard Emily have the day before.

"Oh my God" he whispered under his breath.

"What's wrong?" Hotch said as he turned and trained his eyes on Reid.

"Lauren Reynolds…" Reid said his voice drifting off towards the end.

"Who?" Morgan said as he looked away from the board and towards Reid.

"Lauren Reynolds is dead. Emily said that on a phone call yesterday, she said that she was an old college friend but she didn't seem to be upset… it was like she was reminding herself" He said as he looked at the shocked faces that surrounded him. "Lauren Reynolds- LR" he said louder as he tried to convince himself he was right.

"If Prentiss is the last name on that list that puts her on Doyle's list too" Seaver said as she looked over at the board again.

Hotch moved away from the board and looked at Emily's desk. He pulled open the top draw and picked up her gun and badge.

"She left behind her gun and badge? Why would she do that?" Morgan said from by the board as all the eyes were trained on Hotch.

"She's running" Hotch said and dropped both items back into the draw and slammed it shut.

"Why would she run? We're her family, we can help" Reid said his voice crackling as he fought hard to keep back tears.

"Doyle's killing families, Reid. She knew if she stayed that Doyle was going to come after us… she ran to protect us" Rossi said, the last sentence barely above a whisper as they all realized what this all really meant.

"But we could have helped her" Reid whispered as he scuffed his foot against the floor in anger. He knew she hadn't just run to protect the team, she'd run to protect him too.

"She's a trained spy who doesn't want to be found" Rossi said as he stood up straight and looked to Hotch.

"She knows everything about us but we know nothing about her" Morgan said, his voice saturated in anger.

"Then how do we find her?" Garcia asked, she was obviously distraught.

"We treat it like any other case. Ian Doyle is our UnSub, Prentiss is the victim. Because terrorism isn't an area we specialise in I'm bringing in an expert for this case who should also be able to shed some light on Prentiss's past" Hotch said in his monotone voice.

"Who?" Morgan said as he looked hard at Hotch.

"Me" JJ said as she walked up from behind them. All of the team turned round and gave warm smiles to her, all except Reid who sat where he was as he struggled to fight back more tears.

"We all meet in the briefing room in 10" Hotch said, he walked closer to Reid and whispered so no one else could hear "take a minute if you need to" then walked back to his office.

Reid quickly walked over to his desk and picked up the photo he had been looking at last night, that was now face down on the desk, and walked back to the empty briefing room. He walked to one of the windows as he let one tear escape from his eye.

"Spence?" JJ said as she slowly opened the briefing room door. Reid hurriedly pushed the tear aside, turned round and tried to act as natural as possible.

"Hey, JJ. I was just, uh…" Reid began, unsure of what to say.

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Spence" she said, slowly walked over and touched his hand. She knew better than anyone what he needed right now was a friend.

"I don't know why she ran away… We could have helped her…" he said as another tear escaped from his eyes. "_I _could have helped her" he said and roughly pushed the tear away.

"She ran to protect us, Spence. She didn't want us to help her because she knew it would put us in danger" she said and softly rubbed his arm in an attempt to comfort him.

"You don't understand" he said as two more tears fell but he didn't bother wiping them away this time. "We were _living_ together. I should have seen what was happening… I should have helped her" he said as a flood of tears followed.

"Were you…?" JJ paused, unsure of how to put it.

"Two years… I took her to Las Vegas in the summer because I knew we wouldn't be able to do anything for our anniversary in September" he whispered and showed her the picture. "What if she knew about Doyle then?" He said and started to cry harder. JJ wrapped her arms around him and let him cry into her shoulder because she knew that's what he needed. He didn't need to be told it was going to be ok or Emily was fine, he needed to cry because that was the only thing that was going to make him feel better.

Reid gently lifted his head off JJ's shoulder and wiped away a few of his tears. "She looks happy there, Spence. She doesn't look worried, she looks comfortable and in love" She said and handed him back the photo.

Reid smiled when she said love; it had been there dream to tell everyone about their relationship. They were thinking about telling them all just after their anniversary but when JJ left and Christmas round the corner they had put it off, they had promised each other the team would know before their 3rd anniversary. Well, he kept that promise… but not under the circumstances they had wanted.

He gently stroked the photo over and over then looked up; JJ was looking at him with that sad smile he rarely ever saw. "I, um, I'll go put this back… the team will be here soon" he said in a rush of words as he pushed the last tears from his face.

As he walked past the desks he could tell they knew he had been crying, his eyes were probably red and puffy and his cheeks might still have a bit of moisture from the tears. He quickly sat down at his chair and pulled the bottom draw open, he was going to put it back but what was the point if everyone knew? He wanted to have a nice frame for it, to be able to have it on the side and look over at it whenever he felt sad.

He closed the bottom draw and lent the picture against a few files, he didn't have a nice frame for it like he wanted but he had the picture and that was all that mattered.


	8. you're Emily's boyfriend

"Garcia has been tracking the movements of agents who worked on the Doyle case with Emily. Jeremy Wolff was killed first, next was Shaun McAlister. He was murdered with his wife and daughter in Brussels last week. Tsia Mosely got engaged to Jeremy earlier this year; after he died she fled to DC, she's also been murdered. The only member not dead is Clyde Easter, the team leader. However he hasn't checked in since Tsia's murder, he was also in DC" JJ said while passing round the folders that contained the information in further detail.

"However, one of Easter's cover names is currently on a plane to Boston as we speak. He'll be detained as soon as he steps of so we'll continue the full briefing on the plane. We need to get all the information on Prentiss as quickly as we can" Hotch said as he looked round the room.

"Morgan and Rossi; I want you to check out her apartment- see if you can find anything of interest. Seaver I'd like you to work with JJ and look around Prentiss's desk. Look at the files she did and didn't do, personal belongings left behind, how much work she's done within the last 4 months but focus mostly on the last two. Garcia is running a full search on Prentiss's computer and phone. I want this to be done as quickly and efficiently as you can, I want everyone on the jet in two hours" Hotch said then walked out the room and into his office.

The team shifted uncomfortably in their chairs for a moment, they knew what they'd just heard; or rather what they hadn't heard. Reid sat back in his chair and blew out some air then got up and walked to Hotch's office, leaving the team in silence.

"Hotch?" Reid said from outside Hotch's office and knocked on the door.

"Come in" Hotch said from inside. Reid pushed the door open then quickly shut it behind him and took a deep breath; he wasn't going to let himself get worked up again.

"Hotch, I think you forgot to give me a job" He said quietly and sat down on one of the free chairs. He knew Hotch hadn't forgotten.

"I don't think its sensible having you work so close to this case, Reid" Hotch said as he looked up at him from the case file.

"I respect your opinion sir but I know I can remain impartial"

"I have no doubt you'll try to but no one can detach themselves from this, Reid. Not even you" he said the last sentence quieter, like he wasn't sure whether or not he should have said it.

Reid sighed heavily and pushed a few strands of hair out of his face. "Maybe that's what you need, then. I can go to the apartment and tell them what's normal and what's not. You'll have an insider's perspective. Rossi and Morgan don't know whether Emily's tidy or messy, they don't know how many clothes should be in the wardrobe. I do" he said in a rush of words. "Please, Hotch" He said in that pleading voice that let Hotch see just how venerable he was.

"Ok, but if you interfere or get in the way Rossi will send you straight back, I'll make sure of that. And remember- you aren't going there as a profiler, you're going as Emily's boyfriend" he said quickly. Reid nodded as he felt a pain spread through his body when he heard 'boyfriend'.

He quickly stepped out of Hotch's office, glanced over to the elevator and saw Rossi and Morgan still waiting for it. He ran to his desk as quickly as he could to grab his bag then to the elevator. He just managed to catch it in time as the doors closed behind him.

"What's the rush, kid?" Morgan said as he pushed ground floor.

"Hotch told me to come to the apartment with you two" Reid replied as the elevator jolted into action. Rossi raised an eyebrow but only Morgan noticed it. Once they were in the parking lot Morgan offered to drive, Rossi took the front passenger seat leaving Reid to sit in the back. All the SUVs had sat-navs installed and the apartment's address was in the case file which Reid was relived about, he wanted to think everything through during the car ride and if he had to give directions he wouldn't be able to do that.

Reid told them to park in the apartment's parking lot and once out of the car he fumbled with the keys inside his messenger bag as he walked up the steps to the door. He quickly unlocked the door, let Morgan and Rossi in and then quickly shut the door behind them.

"I'm going to use the bathroom quickly, if that's ok" he said quietly and left.

"I never pictured Prentiss and Reid as a 'his and hers' type of couple" Rossi said with a faint laugh as he picked up one of the coffee cups.

"I never pictured them as a couple" Morgan replied quietly and walked out into the kitchen. "Nothing seems to be too unusual in here, Rossi. Just two breakfast bowls and two spoons in the sink" he said as he pulled open a few of the cupboards and leafed through the takeaway numbers on the fridge.

"Same in here, it doesn't seem like she left in a rush… in fact, it doesn't look like she left at all. There's still photos and personal stuff all around here, wouldn't you take that if you were leaving?" Rossi said from the living room.

Almost as soon as Rossi finished what he was saying Reid came out of the bathroom and gave an awkward smile. Morgan took a final look round the kitchen then came back to the living room.

"The, uh, bedroom is out that way if you want to take a look… I was going to have a look in her safe to see if she left anything behind" he said, the second sentence a little quieter than the first.

"Where's the safe?" Morgan said, in normal circumstances he would have been compassionate to Reid but there was little more than an hour to find out what they need before they would be driving to the jet.

"It's in the bottom draw of her bedside table… We both have one" He said as he led the way to the bathroom. "Her one is on the left" He said as he pointed to her bedside table, the picture frame she got for Christmas was still sitting there. "She liked to look out the window when she went to sleep" he said without realizing it.

Morgan looked at Reid as he said the last sentence and raised his eyebrows. "What's the code?" he said as he bent down and opened the bottom door.

"22, 11, 06" Reid replied and walked behind Morgan as he opened the safe. "It was the date she started her first case with the BAU. She told me it was one of the best days of her life" he said, again giving away more than he meant to.

Morgan pulled out a brown file and handed it to Rossi. "It's the case file on Doyle" Rossi said as he flicked through a few pages. Morgan pulled out a large white envelope and dropped it onto the bed. Rossi dropped the brown file and picked up the white one.

"Um… that's not to do with the case" Reid said and reached for the envelope.

"Reid, you know we have to look at everything" Rossi said and held onto it.

Reid slowly nodded and licked his lips. "I know. I- I'm sorry" he said and dropped his hand to his side. "It's, um, encase anything happens to her on a case. Emily told me we should both make one when we, uh, got together… JJ and Will have one, too. That's where she got the idea from…" he said, his voice obviously distant.

"Does anything look different to you, Reid? Anything out of place?" Morgan said as he stood up. Reid swallowed and shook his head.

"What about the wardrobe? Does it look like any clothes are missing?" Rossi asked as he pulled the wardrobe open.

Reid glanced his eyes round the wardrobe then shook his head in confusion. "Those shouldn't be there" he said while pointing to a few clothes hanging up.

"What do you mean?" Rossi said as he looked at the clothes.

"Those are meant to be in her spare go bag which is meant to be there" he said pointing at the bottom corner of the wardrobe. "And there's a few clothes missing" He said and ran his hand through his hair.

"She's probably taken the clothes that will make her less conspicuous" Rossi said and glance down at his watch. "We need to leave soon, is there anything else you can see that's strange?" Reid quickly shook his head and Rossi nodded. "We should get back and tell Hotch what we found… wheels go up in 30 minutes" Morgan slide pass both of them and out into the hall.

"I just need to… um…" Reid began but Rossi shook his head.

"Get what you need, Reid. We'll wait for you in the car" He said quietly then left.

Reid sucked in a breath of air and ran his finger along her clothes; they all felt so soft from the special fabric conditioner she used. He picked up one of his sweaters she had 'borrowed' more than a year ago and still had, he'd only wore it twice. He played with the sleeve of it as he took in the smell of her sweet perfume. He'd bought her a bottle of it as a romantic gesture in the first few weeks they were together and she'd never used anything but that afterwards.

He walked over to her side and picked the photo frame off the side and smiled at it. He could still remember how happy it had made her when she opened it. He put it back on the side and opened the top shelf of her bedside table and found photos of them together. Most of them were of their Vegas vacation, a copy of the one he had at his desk, outside different casinos… even a few when they spent a day looking round the desert. He picked up the photo frame again, wrapped them all up inside the sweater and gently placed it into his messenger bag. He wiped away a tear he hadn't meant to let out then quickly walked out of the room and down to the car.


	9. she's better than that

Reid sat on the edge of his seat, he usually felt relaxed on the jet but he began to wonder if he'd ever feel relaxed again. He knew that Emily was Doyle's stressor so he'd take his time with her; it meant they had a better chance of finding her alive… but also a better chance of her being tortured.

"She threw a flash-bang grenade into a car? She's lucky the three people in the car didn't _die_. Isn't anyone else bothered by that?"

"As illegal as it is her best chance of surviving is being as ruthless as Doyle and Prentiss knows that" Hotch said from where he was standing behind Rossi and Seaver.

"Doyle came to the US to wage a public vendetta and hired a group of mercenaries to remain loyal to him. She's the only person who knows what he's truly capable of… she did the only logical thing" Reid said quietly from where he sat in the corner seat slightly away from the group.

"By trying to kill three people?" Morgan countered.

"By acting like she has nothing to lose. Doyle doesn't have anything to go back to- whether he makes it out alive doesn't matter to him. It only matters to finish the job in hand" Rossi said, Morgan looked at him then raised his eyebrows and went back to studying the folder in his hand. He'd been distant since he'd found out Emily had been hiding her past and when he did say anything it came out angry.

The briefing continued but Reid didn't pay much attention, sometimes he'd hear something that would catch his attention and drag him back to reality but he soon drifted off again. It just didn't feel real.

"So, if Emily's team weren't the ones to make the arrest how did they know about JTF-12?" Rossi said and sat up a little. Reid rubbed his eyes in his best attempt to pay attention and looked to JJ for the answer.

"Given the shadowy nature of terrorist cells, JTF-12 infiltrated to build a stronger profile" JJ replied.

"Who was undercover on the Doyle case?" Hotch questioned.

"Emily" she replied, quieter this time. "She posed as a weapons dealer to get information on Valhalla" JJ put a few photos on the table in front of her; they were all of her undercover as Lauren Reynolds.

"Look at how she's dressed, she looks awfully comfortable" Morgan said as he flicked through the photos. Rossi glanced at him then looked over at Reid who was gritting his teeth so he didn't say something he shouldn't.

"How close did she get to Doyle as part of her cover?" Hotch said, he had already guessed the answer but he had to ask.

"Part of the background checks they did on Doyle was on past relationships…" JJ replied and sucked a breath in. "Emily was his type" She said and sighed, she really hadn't wanted to have said it.

Reid run a hand through his hair and gave it a short, sharp tug then stood up and walked towards the jet's bathroom.

"Reid" Hotch called.

"Just give me a minute" he quickly replied and shut the bathroom door behind him. They were making her out to be something she wasn't; he knew she'd never sleep with someone just for a profile. He knew her better than all of them, she was better than that. He sighed, turned the faucet on and let the water gush out. He took a handful of water and rubbed it over his face, feeling the cool drops slide across his face before he grabbed a paper towel and wiped the moisture off.

He sucked in a deep breath then stepped out into the main part of the jet, everyone's eyes were trained on him and he realized he had been there conversation while in the bathroom.

"We're landing in 5" Hotch said quietly as Reid sat down in the corner and ran a hand through his hair again. Reid didn't care when they landed, he just wanted Emily to be there when they did.


	10. Where's Lauren Reynolds?

The SUV jolted slightly as they sped over a speed bump. Reid swayed in the back with the movements of the car but Rossi and Morgan sat perfectly still in the front. "Right and they've got him in custody now?" Rossi said, Reid glanced over at him for a second and saw his phone pressed to his ear so he looked back out the window. "Jack what? Fayhee? Alright" Rossi said then hung up the phone and turned to Morgan.

"Who was that?" Morgan said as he stole a glance at Rossi then looked straight back at the busy traffic.

"Hotch. He got separated at the traffic lights a few blocks back, he wants us to go ahead to the station and interview an Irish mob; he's called Easter's cell phone twelve times in six hours. Boston PD says he's low level but the Irish mob has long standing ties with the IRA. He wants us to see if we can get any information on Prentiss" Rossi said and glanced back at Reid before staring at his window.

Morgan nodded slightly and slowly increased the car's speed as he changed route and took a left to the police department. As soon as they were pulling into the parking lot Rossi and Morgan were unbuckling and getting ready to jump out once the car was parked. Reid took a second longer to see what they were doing then mimicked their behaviours.

When the car stopped the two front car doors swung open, the back left one slightly after. Rossi and Morgan jumped out and made a quick, confident walk towards the door, Reid just behind them as he played with his messenger bag strap.

"You must be the FBI guys, right?" said a middle aged man as they were escorted to a busy room with interview rooms leading off from it.

"I'm SSA Rossi; this is SSA Morgan and Dr. Reid. Our unit chief SSA Hotchner and special agent Seaver have gone to pick up a suspect from the Boston airport and should be here soon. Which way is Fayhee's interview room?" Rossi said in his calm, confident voice.

"Uh, this way… are you all going in?" he said as he stopped at the furthest door and glanced at a door a few meters away that led to the other side of the interrogation room.

"No, Morgan's going to observe from the other side to see if he can pick up on anything we miss… Come on, Reid" Rossi said as he opened the room to Fayhee. Morgan raised an eyebrow but Rossi was already closing the door behind them, Reid even sucked in a breath of air when he heard what Rossi said.

You here to bring me a smoke?" Fayhee called to them as they walked in. Rossi smiled as they went into interview mode; it was easy for the team to switch of what was happening in their personal life from all the years of practice.

"Why've you been calling Easter's cell phone so much, Jack?" Rossi asked as he leant against a wall and Reid mimicked his movements.

"You got a smoke for me, beanpole?" Fayhee asked as he gestured to Reid.

"What do you think?" Rossi said quietly as he turned to Reid and ignored Fayhee.

"Narcissism hiding deep seated insecurity" Reid said back as he glanced over at Fayhee then back to Rossi.

"So, what? We hit a nerve and he'll be talking for hours?" Rossi asked as he took the part of the profiler who asked all the questions, the one who brought it home by showing others what was obvious to profilers.

Reid raised his eyebrows and turned his body to Fayhee as a way to confirm what Rossi had said and gave the faintest of smiles.

"Come on, Jack. We _know_ about the calls… it isn't going to be long before we know everything else, too. Tell us now… we might be able to cut you a tasty deal where hood rats like you get treated nicely" he said, his voice taking a sickly sweet tone towards the end.

"I ain't no hood rat!" Fayhee yelled, as he backed away from Rossi who was now leaning over him with his hand on the table directly in front of him.

Rossi gave a little laugh and walked away from him while taking a few steps towards Reid. "This one just doesn't get it, does he, Reid?" Rossi said and laughed again.

Reid smiled and nodded as he played along with Rossi.

"Alright, alright" Fayhee said as he suddenly felt the pressure building in the room from the silence. "Clyde was gonna pay my medical bills, this ear?" he said pointing to his bloody, bandaged ear. "It ain't growing back"

"What happened to it?" Reid said as he stepped forward and sat down on the chair opposite Fayhee.

"This bitch took a shot at it. Said it was a warning" he spat with anger and leant back in his chair. "She thought she could take on an IRA big shot- Doyle" Reid's face dropped and he got up from the chair and walked closer to Fayhee. "So I called Easter and told him-" Fayhee continued but Rossi roughly grabbed his ear and yanked it so he would look at him.

"Where's Prentiss" Rossi said through gritted teeth as he yanked on Fayhee's ear harder.

"Ahhh! Who? I don't know who you're talking about!" Fayhee whimpered as Reid pushed Rossi off Fayhee and came close to his face.

"Lauren Reynolds. Where's Lauren Reynolds" Reid said as he tried to hold in his emotions.

"Oh" Fayhee said as his grimace turned into a grin. "Friend of yours is she?" He said and sat back in his chair, satisfied with himself.

"You tell me where she is right now or, I promise you, I'll send you to a prison where they'll teach you the meaning of a hood rat" Rossi said through gritted teeth as he got close to Fayhee's face.

"And by the time you do, she'll be in pieces" he said and smiled even more. "So, my price just went up"

"I swear to God-" Reid said and pushed the table clean away from Fayhee so he could get even closer to his face.

"Reid" Rossi called as he sharply pulled the interview door open then slammed it shut once they were both out leaving Fayhee sitting smugly.


	11. it was never a matter of love

"$200,000?" Seaver asked as she leant against the wall. Rossi nodded and slowly and glanced up at Fayhee through the one sided glass.

"What kind of leverage do we have?" Hotch said from the side of the room as he leant a hand against the wall to steady himself.

"He could be an addict" Morgan said and looked thoughtfully at Fayhee.

"He asked for cigarettes when we went in and he looks like he's going through a nicotine fit now… we wouldn't let him smoke" Rossi added.

"We could use that… get him to relax, open his big mouth" Morgan said.

"Will that be enough?" Hotch said and turned to his team.

"What if we use Ashley? He's more likely to relax with her than he is with us" Morgan said and stood up straight. "Rossi can go with her, Fayhee knows where he stands with him" Morgan added.

"I'm up for it" Ashley said as she stood up and took a step closer to the team to show her eagerness.

"Alright, take him up to the roof. If anyone asks where you're taking him, talk down to them, inflate Fayhee's ego as much as you can, it'll get him talking quicker" Hotch said then opened the door so a flood of dazzling light spilled into the mostly dark room.

Rossi and Seaver were the first to follow him, then Morgan and finally Reid who had spent the time leant against the wall in silence, deep in thought.

"We need to talk" Hotch said quietly as the team passed them. Reid slowly nodded and stared down at the floor, he'd been expecting Rossi to tell Hotch about him losing his cool with Fayhee.

Hotch walked Reid out of the police department and into the parking lot, towards the SUV's. He stopped at the car and slightly leant against the car.

"Rossi told you about what happened with Fayhee, didn't he?" Reid asked, he'd resigned himself to the fact Hotch was going to suspend him and send him back to Quantico.

"Yes, but that's not what I want to talk to you about, Reid" Hotch said and blew out a breath of air. "I know what it's like when business and home life gets mixed up. It's why me and Haley separated… it was never a matter of love, I wasn't there for her or Jack when they needed me and it was because I put work before them" Hotch said, Reid had turned away from him once he'd realised what it was about and was trying hard to hold in the tears.

"I don't want the same to happen to you. I thought I could detach myself from everything I saw at work, I thought I could be the strong team leader and still come home and be Jack's dad, Haley's husband. And in the end, I couldn't. For a while I lost my family because I refused to believe that I couldn't be both people" He said and gave a heavy sigh, this was as hard for him to say as it was for Reid to hear.

"I don't want that to happen to you, Spencer. I want you to be able to go home to Prentiss after all this has ended. I want you to choose whether you want kids or not, I don't want the job to make the decision for you…" He said, his voice drifting off towards the end. Slowly Reid turned to Hotch and nodded, accepting what he was saying.

Suddenly they heard feet running towards them, they quickly turned, Hotch's hand on his gun.

"What's happened?" Reid called as his eyes recognised the familiar shape of Morgan running towards them.

Morgan closed the space between them quickly and blurted out "Fayhee's dead"


	12. i need to talk to Ashley

"I need to talk to Ashley for a minute" Reid said quietly. The team were all back in the police department and going over old leads after their main one, Fayhee, had been pronounced dead, from a gunshot wound to the heart, only a few minutes early.

"What?" Morgan said a little too sharply and turned to him.

"I need to talk to Ashley" Reid repeated, a little louder this time.

"Reid, our key lead just got shot, Ashley was right next to him when it happened. We have 3 boxes full of leads we have to go over _again_ to find Prentiss. I don't see how talking to-" Morgan started but was cut off by Ashley.

"Morgan" Ashley said to him. "I'm going to talk to Reid then we'll come back and help you with the leads" She said quickly then began walking towards an empty interrogation room. Reid followed her, avoiding the looks of the team as he passed them.

"What's this about, Reid?" Ashley said as she carefully closed the door behind them.

"Ashley…" Reid took a deep breath and composed his thoughts before continuing. "The whole team wanna help Emily so bad that we can't see this case straight"

"So, what do we do?" Ashley said as she stared at Reid.

"We depend on the team member with the freshest eyes" He said and slowly looked up at her.

"No, Reid, not me" She said and took a few steps back.

"You haven't worked with Emily for five years, you're unprejudiced" He said and took a step closer to her. "Come on, Ashley. What's been bugging you since we left Quantico?" He said. He paused for a moment for her to say something but her mind had gone blank. "How about the affair? That bugs me! How does the two of them sleeping together change Doyle's profile?" He said, pushing her for an answer.

"I… I-I don't know" She said as she tripped over her words from the pressure.

"Ashley, _think_. This stuff is textbook, just think" He said and took another step closer to her.

"I haven't read every textbook, Reid" She sniped back.

"Come _on_, Ashley" He said and closed the gap between them so he was only a few inches away from her. "What doesn't fit?"

"I…"

"Just _say_ it! What're you thinking? Just spit it out!" he shouted at her, finally making eye contact.

"Why families?!" She yelled back at him.

"Good, keep going"

"Prentiss is Doyle's stressor… He wants revenge on the woman who betrayed him, and I understand that. But why kill that child in DC?" She said then took a deep breath and looked up at him hopefully.

Reid let everything process for a second then nodded. "Come on" He said and made a quick walk towards the door and yanked it open.


	13. why would she keep it from me?

"You ready to work on the leads now?" Morgan said and pushed a box across the table and towards Reid as he and Ashley walked out of the interrogation room.

"We think we've got one for you" Reid said and pushed the box back to him.

"Yeah, well I've got plenty already so unless you've got something concrete to back it up you're gonna need to work on these" Morgan countered and shoved the box back to Reid.

Ashley glanced at the two of them and felt the tension building so she cleared her throat and said "We think Doyle is a family annihilator"

"What makes you think that?" Hotch said as he walked over to the three of them.

"Doyle doesn't do collateral damage, that child in DC was killed for a reason" Ashley replied quickly. Morgan spun round to look at Hotch then glanced back at Ashley.

"Are you sure about this?" Hotch asked.

Ashley quickly nodded and turned to Reid to explain. "It's in Doyle's profile as a terrorist that he carried out _all_ his murders with surgical- like precision. He didn't kill for the sake of it, everything he was done for a purpose- including the child" Reid said and inched a step forward.

Hotch thought for a minute then nodded. "I've been talking to Easter and he's agreed to help us with the new profile we're building" Hotch said then turned as he heard a door open behind him and Easter walk out followed closely by Rossi.

"Ian Doyle is a parasitic psychopath who's highly controlling and has an explosive anger when something doesn't go as planned" Easter said as he sat down at the table.

"So, how does that fit into his role as a family annihilator?" Ashley asked as she glanced at the board Morgan had just set up for all the new information coming in.

"Annihilators have a romanticised view of who their families are…" Reid said and sat down a few seats away from Easter.

"They think a family is their possession until a lose shatters that and starts them killing" Morgan added as he twirled round a whiteboard marker in his hand.

"So, what's Doyle's loss?" Rossi said and leant forward on the desk as his eyes glanced over the papers on the desk.

"Doyle doesn't have a family, though. No wife, no kids" He said and glanced up to the board.

"Parents?" Rossi asked and followed Easter's line of vision to the board.

"No, he was an orphan" Easter remarked.

Rossi picked up the picture of the boy who had been murdered in DC, a single bullet hole in his head. "Is there anyway Doyle could have had a child that Prentiss knew about but didn't tell you?" he said and dropped the picture onto the table.

"Well, yes… but why would she keep it from me?" Easter asked and stood up.

"If the boy in DC wasn't collateral damage, maybe he was a surrogate for a child Doyle had" Rossi said and pushed the picture to Easter.

"Who else was on the compound when you arrested Doyle?" Hotch asked.

"Just the staff" Easter replied.

"All Irish?" Rossi asked and walked over to him.

"Yes" Easter quickly replied and looked from Hotch to Rossi then back to Hotch.

"That's a start" Hotch said and nodded to Morgan who had watched eagerly as the conversation had gone back and forth until he sprung into action and started rapidly going through the papers and sticking some of them onto the board.

Reid's head was swimming, a child? Doyle had a child that Emily knew about and kept a secret? She wouldn't have done that; it was against protocol, he told himself. Sure, she sometimes got too involved and bent the rules but lying about a child's _existence?_ She'd never do that, never.

Reid quickly ran a hand through his hair and stood up, none of this sat well with him. It just didn't make _sense_. Usually he could see where the case was going, he'd see where the leads lead and he'd follow them alongside the team but all he wanted to do now was slam down the breaks and get his head together.

He placed the floor and rubbed his eyes, he had felt them getting heavier as sleep had evaded him since the first night Emily had gone missing- it had been four days since then. He sighed again then quickly walked towards the door, maybe the cool air would wake him up enough to do some work.

"Reid? Reid!" Hotch called to him as his eyes locked on the man quickly walking towards the door.

Reid didn't bother turning round, he knew everyone's eyes would be trained on him, even Easter's. "Just give me a minute" He called back and yanked the door open, showing only just enough restraint to not slam the door behind him.

**sorry for the mix up between chapters, i must have posted chapter eight again instead of chapter thirteen. well, here's the real chapter thirteen. i hope the ones reading the newer chapter that you don't mind back tracking for this little bit and the newbie readers like the chapter :)**


	14. it was her finger on the trigger

Reid sucked in another deep breath of air, he'd only been outside a few minutes and his skin was covered in goose bumps. He rubbed his fingers over his closed eyes in an attempt wake himself up; he needed to work. He sighed and opened his eyes, watching his breath in the cool night air. He looked up at the Boston skyline for a moment but the lights all started to blur in to one and his head began to throb, while he was concentrating he'd hardly noticed it but now the full force of his headache took hold.

He closed his eyes for a second longer than a blink then shook his head and walked towards the police department door. He paused at the door and looked at the team at work; they looked like they were coping. He thought about going back to the hotel, have a few hours sleep and come back in the morning.

He shook his head again and quickly pushed the door open and made a quick walk towards Hotch and Garcia.

"You got anything?" Reid asked as he glanced down at Garcia's computer.

"We think we found Doyle's son. Louise Jones, Doyle's housekeeper, adopted Declan Jones. They both disappeared seven years ago and were never found but we found pictures of them being murdered" Hotch said and took a step back so Reid could get a better look at the screen.

"You found that all out in a couple minutes?" Reid questioned as he moved closer to Garcia and looked through the photos.

"We also found the address they were shot, Ashley and Rossi are seeing if they can find any leads on it" Hotch replied then looked over at Easter, he had a file open in his hand so Hotch made his way over to him to offer his help.

"Can you enlarge that picture?" Reid asked as he noticed something in the corner of one of the photos.

"Yeah, um, here" Garcia replied, quickly enlarging it then looking away from the bloody scene.

"Morgan, come look at this" Reid called to him from across the busy room. Morgan quickly looked up at Reid then jogged over to him, his eyes locking onto the screen as he got closer.

"It's black clothing and a hand, Reid" Morgan said with a shrug.

"No, look at the fingernails" Reid quickly said and pointed towards the hand.

"Oh my god" Garcia gasped.

"Hotch!" Morgan shouted as he straightened up and searched the room for his remaining team members.

Reid's eyes were glued to the screen even when Morgan brought the rest of the team over to the computer and showed them the picture, the image was still stuck in his head when he was pulled into a briefing room where Hotch and Morgan set up the raid. Even when someone pushed a bulletproof vest into his hands. Even when he was ushered into the SUV next to Hotch and someone from SAWT. He didn't know how long the picture of her hand on the gun, her finger poised on the trigger, would be stuck in his head but it was still there when they pulled up only a street away from the warehouse Emily was being kept in.


	15. you gotta let me go, Spencer

Reid's mind felt foggy, like he couldn't think straight. His eyes kept going out of focus and he had to keep rubbing his eyes and looking around. The SUV started to feel smaller and smaller to Reid, like the sides were shrinking in on him. The warmth Hotch and the SWAT agent was emitting seemed like a burning heat to him now, the air was stifling and all he wanted was to breath in fresh air.

"Come on, Reid" Hotch said as he pushed open the car door and cool air rushed inside. Reid blinked twice at the shock then quickly shook the waves of sleep off of him and jumped out of the car. He discreetly rubbed the sleep from his eyes and focused on Morgan talking to the SWAT team.

"Alright, men. You've already had your briefing so you know what you need to do. Stay quiet until we get to Prentiss, any noise and there's nothing stopping them from killing her" Morgan said as he looked out at the heavily armed men in front of him. "We've got two snipers on the building opposite the warehouse, they'll take out the guards, you all have your own instructions on what to do after that" He said an took one last look at the men before nodding and looking down the road that led to the warehouse. "Alright, let's move out"

Hotch pulled Reid aside before he could follow Morgan and the SWAT team. "I can't let you go with them, Reid" He said quietly so no one could hear.

"Hotch, please"

"It's against protocol, Reid. You know that" Hotch said and glanced around to make sure no one was listening.

"Screw protocol!" Reid said, his voice only just managing to stay below a yell, but he still gained the attention of JJ. "I'm sorry, I… you _have_ to let me go with them" He pleaded.

Hotch sighed and glanced round at the team, he knew he shouldn't let him go in, but he also knew what it felt like to be in Reid's position. To be only a street away from someone you love and constantly worrying you're going to be too late to save them.

"Alright, but you go behind them" he said with a sigh and turned away from him. "And don't compromise yourself" He added then began a quick walk towards JJ.

Reid quickly nodded even though Hotch couldn't see and jogged after Morgan and the SAWT team. His feet felt heavier and heavier as he caught up with SAWT and pulled out his gun. Morgan stopped everyone at the edge of the warehouse and looked up to the snipers on the roof that were barely visible. He made the 'go' signal and two barely audible shots were fired, taking down the two guards immediately.

The SWAT team darted from where they were hiding and quickly made their way inside the warehouse, followed closely behind by Reid. The team split into two almost as soon as they were in the warehouse, Reid hesitated for a moment then followed the team Morgan was leading. The team split a second time only a few seconds after that but Reid continued to follow Morgan.

A few moments after the second split they turned a corner and came across two more armed guards which the SWAT team quickly handled with two silent headshots. After the bodies hit the floor Morgan lead the SWAT team past the bodies without a moment's hesitation.

Reid paused for a second to glance down at the bodies but he pushed himself on after the team. They split up once more but Reid stuck with Morgan, now there was only him, Morgan and one SWAT agent.

As they rounded another corner Reid heard a faint noise, he couldn't tell where it had come from or even how far away it was; the walls in the warehouse echoed and re-echoed everything around the building so it was impossible to tell.

Morgan paused for a moment and held a hand up to stop the two men behind him. He listened hard for a minute then dropped his hand and continued walking down the long corridor. He paused for a moment at the next turn and stole a look at the next corridor, quickly seeing one guard pacing the floors impatiently.

He made a hand gesture to the SWAT agent to tell him there was an armed man on the other side of the wall and a different hand gesture to Reid to tell him to stay put. The lights suddenly failed, they had probably been cut by SWAT, and the only thing lighting the long corridors was the moonlight shining through barred windows. Morgan and the agent looked up for a moment then darted forward and round the corner.

Reid edged forward and just about heard to gunshots from Morgan or the agent's gun followed by six loud gunshots from the man's gun. He quickly turned the corner and saw a man lying on the floor, Morgan and the agent walking past him, their guns at the ready.

Morgan quickened his walking and the agent matched it, the urgency was increased now that Doyle knew they were coming. Reid jogged after them until he was only a few steps behind them then matched their speed as they round two more corners. There was the sound of scuffing across the concrete floor as they round the final corner.

Reid felt his heart rate increase even further until it felt his chest was about to explode, they locked eyes on an open doorway with moonlight pouring out of it and they all quickened their pace.

Everything seemed to blur until the final few steps when everything slowed down and became so sharp and clear. Reid's feet felt like cement blocks but he pushed on until he was standing in the doorway looking at Emily lying on the floor, a wooden table leg lodged in her stomach.

Reid sucked in a breath of the thick stagnant air and stumbled towards her, falling to his knees as he finally reached her. He distantly heard Morgan shouting something into his radio, probably asking for a medic, but all he saw was her big brown eyes, those big beautiful eyes.

"Emily" He gasped and grabbed at her hand, holding it tight in his and entwining their fingers. His fingers brushed against the harsh, cold metal of the handcuffs around her wrists.

"Reid?" Emily whispered, her voice was crackly from the struggle her body was undergoing just to let him know she knew he was there.

"Yeah, it's me" He said, his voice cracking into a smile even though tears were streaming down his face. "I'm right here, Emily. Ok?" He whispered and bent his face closer to hers.

"You gotta let me go, Spencer" She whispered to him and started to let her eyes close but Reid squeezed her hand tightly and started to rock back and forth slightly.

"No, Emily. You can't leave. Please" He whispered his breathing rapid and gasping. Her eyes opened up and looked at him for a second then she closed her eyes completely; a little tear squeezed out of her eye as she did so. "I know why you did this, Emily. I know you had to protect Declan and I'm proud of you. I'm so _proud_ of you. Ok? You did your best for Declan and he's never gonna get Declan but now you gotta do your best for the team and open your eyes for me" He said and squeezed her hand tighter.

"I… I'm tired, Reid" She whispered, her voice getting quieter and quieter.

"I know Emily, I know. But you gotta try. Please, just squeeze my hand" He said and edged closer to her, she felt so cold. "Squeeze my hand" He pleaded, his voice barely a whisper now.

He felt the slightest movement in her hand and squeezed her hand again. "Yeah, that's good. Keep squeezing" He whispered.

He roughly pushed the tears from his face with one hand and held her hand with the other. "Come on, Emily. Think about all we talked about, ok? Getting married in a big church with all the team there… and moving out of our little apartment and buying a big house of our own…" His mind drifted back to all the times they'd whispered to each other once the lights had been turned off… all the times they'd talked about the future. "And kids" He blurted out. "And beautiful little kids that look so much like their mom… and that were independent and smart and _so _beautiful" He whispered and kissed her cheek.

She'd stopped squeezing his hand while he was talking but it was only then that he noticed. He felt a rush of air behind him and two paramedics came into view. Morgan roughly grabbed his arm and pulled him away from Emily so they could do their job but it took the other agent and Morgan to drag him out of the room so he would stop obstructing the paramedics.

Once out of the room and in the hallway Reid collapsed on the floor, tears pouring out faster than ever. He slammed his fist against the wall but the fight was leaving him, he couldn't stand without collapsing and when he tried to talk the words came out in gasps as the tears streamed down his cheeks.

He saw movement out of the corner of his eyes and spun his head round, seeing Emily being pushed out of the small room and down the corridor in a gurney. He quickly pushed himself off the floor and stumbled towards her; Morgan grabbed one of his arms and helped him up and along the corridor.

Reid sucked in a breath and used his free hand to wipe the tears from his face and compose himself as the faces of JJ and Hotch came into view. Reid stumbled towards the ambulance but Morgan pulled him back.

"You can't go with them, Reid" He said and pulled him towards Hotch. Reid's eyes were glued on the ambulance until it started its engine and turned down the street out of view, carrying Emily away with it.


	16. she wasn't coming back

The fog in Reid's mind was starting to clear as JJ ushered him into the back of an SUV and Hotch started the engine. JJ and climbed in next to him, He looked behind him and saw Morgan driving an SUV with Rossi sitting next to him. He looked over at JJ who gave him a weak smile which told him everything- no one had much hope for a good outcome.

"Hey, Garcia…" JJ said apprehensively into her phone. "Yeah, um, we need you to get down to the hospital" JJ said and stared out the window, trying to separate herself from what she was telling Garcia. She'd said this hundreds of times to different families all over to America but this was he friend. She wasn't meant to tell her this.

Reid could hear Garcia getting frantic, he couldn't make out what she was saying but he could tell she was panicked. "Garcia, _please,_ I'll explain when we get there" JJ pleaded. She listened for a few seconds then nodded and rubbed her forehead like she had a headache. "Yeah, alright. See you there" She finally said then hung up the phone.

"Does she know its Emily who's hurt?" Reid asked, his voice choking up on the last word but he forced it out anyway.

"No, I didn't want to panic her too much but I think she guessed" JJ said quietly. She looked over at Reid sitting almost motionless, his eyes staring out the window with a blank expression. To most people he didn't look like he'd been a sobbing mess only 30 minutes before. But to her, well, she saw the pain in his eyes he tried his best to hide.

"She's going to be ok, isn't she?" Reid asked, his voice was straining to keep above a whisper.

"Spence, I-" JJ began to explain she couldn't tell him that but Hotch interrupted her.

"We're here" Hotch said as he pulled into the hospital parking lot, pulled the keys out of the ignition and swung the door open. Reid nodded and quickly got out and began a quick walk towards the hospital front entrance, JJ and Hotch following behind.

Reid paused at the desk, he opened his mouth to explain who they were there to see but nothing came out. He cleared his throat, licked his lips and tried again. "I, um… I" He started but his tongue felt thick and he kept stumbling over his words.

Finally Hotch and JJ caught up with him and Hotch took over. "We're here to see Emily Prentiss… We were told she was being brought here by ambulance" Hotch explained. The woman behind the desk nodded and tapped a few things into her computer.

"Go down that corridor" She said pointing to the direction to the left of them. "Take a right and you'll find a private vistor's lounge" She said then looked back to her screen, no longer interested in the strangely formal man, the pretty young woman and the other, quieter, man.

"Come on, Reid" JJ said and brushed her hand against his to get him to follow them. Reid's eyes were fixed on the hospital floor and put one foot in front of the other; it was what Emily had always told him to do when he struggled to cope with everything around him.

Hotch led the way into the empty vistor's lounge, sitting down in a chair closest to the door. JJ sat down in a chair opposite the door and asked Reid if he wanted to sit down but he continued to pace the room, thinking through every possibility.

Shortly after they'd settled into the vistor's lounge Morgan walked in with Rossi and Ashley behind him. "Any news yet?" He asked as he paused at the door. JJ slowly shook his head and Morgan let out a heavy sigh and sat down in one of the chairs near Hotch. Ashley found a chair a few feet away from JJ and Rossi leant against a wall even though there were plenty of chairs available.

After a few more minutes Garcia rushed inside but stopped once she was in the door like she'd run into a brick wall. "It's Emily isn't it?" She whispered, tears already welling up in her eyes. JJ slowly nodded and Rossi hung his head, everyone going through utter turmoil as the sweetest, most innocent member of the team was hurt in a way they couldn't stop.

Garcia stumbled forward then sucked a breath in and tried to compose herself then walked over to Morgan and sat down next to him. Morgan reached over and held her hand which made it even harder for Garcia to hold back tears but she managed it.

Ashley looked round at the team, they were all so hurt and all because she hadn't said what she was thinking earlier. None of this would have happened if she had trusted herself… She probably would have never said anything if Reid hadn't made her and Emily would be dead now.

"I'm going to get some coffee" She said quietly, stood and made her way to the door.

"I'll help you" Rossi said and followed her out and to the coffee machine. He handed her four cups and one by one she placed it under the machine and they slowly filled. "Don't do it" He quietly said, he looked so neutral Ashley couldn't help wonder whether he had really said anything.

"Do what?" She finally asked and gave him a questioning look as she filled up the second cup.

"Beat yourself up about what happened to Prentiss" He replied, and handed her the third cup.

"I just… I feel responsible for it. I should have said something earlier" Ashley replied and poured coffee into the next cup.

"You weren't to know. If you hadn't mentioned it at all we'd still be in the police department following false leads and Prentiss would be dead" He said and handed her the final cup.

"I know… but what if Reid blames me?" She asked, finally voicing her deepest fear.

"He won't, Ashley. I know Reid, he'll be thankful… he's just struggling at the moment. Give him some time, he'll be fine. I promise" He said, took two of the plastic coffee cups while Ashley took the other two.

Ashley followed him down the corridor back to the vistor's lounge, handed one of the cups to Reid and kept the other for herself while Rossi gave Hotch one of the cups he was carrying and took his to the corner of the room where he'd been standing before.

They stayed like that for another two hours, Reid passing the floor and occasionally taking sips of coffee while JJ popped out at regular intervals to check for updates.

JJ had been gone for a few minutes longer than before and Reid's exhaustion had grown too much so he finally sat down and took two long gulps from his lukewarm coffee. The caffeine was barely keeping his eyes open now, let alone lessening his headache.

He heard the quiet click of JJ's heels along the hospital corridor so looked up. JJ slowly turned the corner, her head staring down at the floor and only looking up as she turned into the visitor's room. She paused once she was a few feet in the room and didn't say anything, she just stood there.

But in that moment when she swallowed and looked down at the floor, ashamed of everything, told the team everything. Emily was dead. She wasn't ever coming back. The words JJ said after were unnecessary but she said them anyway. "She never made it off the table" She said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"No" Garcia whispered as tears ran down her face. Rossi pressed his lips together to hold back the tears that rose to his eyes, a single tear slide down Ashley's face but she roughly pushed it away and pulled the knees up to her chest. Morgan tried his best to internalise his emotions but even tears started pricking at his eyes.

Reid was the worst hit, though. It was like part of him was dying, he'd never see her big brown eyes again, he'd never smell her special perfume or shampoo, he'd never feel her baby soft skin, she'd never hear her beautiful voice. She was gone. Forever.

He couldn't bear sitting there anymore, he got up and walk towards the door but JJ grabbed his hand before he could get past. "Spence" He took a step back and glanced from the floor to JJ then quickly back to the floor.

"I… I didn't get a chance to say goodbye" He choked out. JJ reached forward and pulled him gently forward, folding her arms around his fragile frame.

That was it. The job had finally done it. They'd taken the fight out of him, there was nothing for him. He'd pushed through everything else that the job had presented; he'd gotten over his kidnapping, drugging and addiction. He had been forced to admit the truth about his mom; that she was a paranoid schizophrenic that he couldn't, or wouldn't, cope with. The job had made him think his own father was a paedophile when really he was only protecting his friend.

The job had done everything it could to trip Reid, but it hadn't succeeded… until now. Reid didn't care anymore. He didn't care about all the rapists and murders Emily had stopped. He didn't care about all the lives they'd helped. He just knew the person he wanted to spend forever with was dead. And she wasn't coming back.

**So what did you guys think? Should I end it there? Or do you want a few chapters about the funeral, how Reid copes, maybe even jump to where Emily comes back? also, any request be sure just to ask **


	17. a big black box and seven red roses

Reid held tightly to the harsh, cold metal of one of the coffin handles. His fingers were wrapped so tightly around it that his fingernails were digging into his palm but he didn't care, he'd felt too much pain leading up to the funeral for a few scratches to hurt him now. As they got closer to the grave he felt tears pricking at his eyes but he wouldn't let them give out, he carried on walking, one foot in front of the other.

They stopped once they got to the grave and gently placed her down, JJ stepping forward and placing the white flowers Emily had asked for on top of the coffin. Reid stepped back and stared at the coffin, he could distantly hear the priest saying a few words but he didn't pay attention, Emily didn't believe in the church, not since she was fifteen and they outcast her for having an abortion.

She felt JJ brush against him as she walked forward and placed a red rose on Emily's coffin. After her came Morgan, then Ashley, Garcia, Rossi, Hotch and finally Reid. His feet felt so heavy and his legs were so tired but he pushed on until he was standing next to the coffin as he leant forward and placed the last rose on the hard black material.

He felt the tears fighting with him now, this was it. Her death had ended everything they had together but to see it all summed up with a big black box and seven red roses... it changed something inside him. It made him feel empty, like _he _was the one who was dead and not her.

"I love you" He whispered under his breath before the team joined him, JJ and Ashley either side of him, Garcia opposite on the other side of the coffin, Rossi and Morgan either side of her and Hotch at the end of the coffin. The priest finished up his speech then Hotch started talking about how she was always loyal, honest and brave.

Reid wanted to say something, he wanted to tell everyone about how beautiful and special she was, but he couldn't sum it up. He couldn't begin to tell them how much she _really_ meant to him, so he just stood in silence and watched the coffin being lowered into the ground. He had been told by the cemetery director that the headstone could be placed once the ground had settled, so as to prevent the headstone slanting, which would probably be within the next fortnight.

As the service came to an end they all drifted away from the grave, Rossi had invited everyone to an after- funeral wake and Reid guessed most people would be going there. Once everyone had left he began a quick walk in the opposite direction towards his car. He hopped in and drove back to his apartment.

Once in the lounge he noticed the stack of grief counselling leaflets as well as funeral arrangement numbers and coffin catalogues on his coffee table. He grabbed an empty wastepaper bin and pushed all of it into it but it wasn't enough, he wanted it gone forever, not just put into a trashcan. So he grabbed a box of matches from the kitchen and took the bin down into the parking lot.

He quickly lit a match and dropped it into the bin, watching as the flimsy paper turned to ash quickly while the glossy front covers of the catalogues shrivelled before being destroyed by the fire. The flames licked up the sides of the can and wherever it touched the metal had turned black but Reid didn't care, he could pick up another trashcan identical to the now burnt one any time.

Once the fire finally died out there was just a small pile of ash at the bottom of the can which Reid's eyes fixed on. He'd expected some kind of release once it was gone, but he felt nothing. It was like he hadn't done anything at all. He kicked the can out of frustration and it flew across the parking lot.

He jogged up the metal stairs up to his apartment and quickly walked into the bedroom, pulling open Emily's wardrobe door and peering inside till he found the sweater he had hung back up in their once he found out she was dead. He gently took it off the hang and sat down on the edge of the bed, stroking the edge of the sleeve and taking in her beautiful scent.

"I miss you, Emily" He whispered into the soft fabric. "I…" He whispered but his voice broke and finally the flood of tears poured out of his eyes, the lump in his throat stopping him from talking for a few moments. "I need you" He pleaded into the sweater, his efforts to somehow bring her back futile.

He let the final tears slip out of his eyes and onto his cheeks before he pulled his face out of the sweater and looked over to the photo frame JJ had given Emily for Christmas. He reached across and grabbed it then walked back to the car. Once in the car he dropped the sweater on the passenger seat and gently placed the photo frame on top.

He laid his head on the steering wheel and tried to control his breathing before he started the engine and drove into the nearest town. He tucked the car into a tight spot in a parking lot safe from anyone trying to rob it then began walking round the town.

It had gotten dark and he wasn't too familiar with that area of town but he soon found himself in a street with prostitutes and other questionable people walking around. He took a deep breath, pulled out his wallet and took out the majority of his money, only leaving enough to buy one small vial of dilaudid.

He scanned the crowd and picked his best choice before slowly approaching, keeping his wallet in his front pocket out of view. The transaction was quick, Reid handed over the money and in return and the little familiar container was placed in his hand.

He took it back to his car, getting a needle from the first aid kit in his boot and quickly got into the driver's seat. In a rush he pushed up his shirt sleeve and grabbed the needle, ready to fill it with what would truly make him feel better, even if it was only for a little while.

Reid paused just before the needle punctured the seal of the vial as his eyes caught sight of the sweater and picture. He placed the needle and vial on his dash and picked up the picture, Emily's big brown eyes stared out at him, she was so happy in that picture… He promised himself he'd never touch dilaudid again once he got clean, he promised Emily the same thing when he confessed he still thought about it. For almost three years he'd avoid this area of town because of its reputation. But there he was, ready to inject himself with the memories of the woman he loved more than anything lying next to him.

He carefully placed the photo back where it was then grabbed the needle and vial and swung open the car door. Once standing he threw both items onto the floor and stamped on them until the glass was in tiny fragments. Once he was satisfied he jumped back in the car, tears streaming down his face as he started the engine and drove as fast as he could.

After a while he had stopped concentrating on where he was going, he was driving for the sake of it when his eyes caught a familiar street sign and quickly followed the mental directions he gave himself to a little house with a garden out front. He pulled himself out of the car and stumbled to the door, almost like he was drunk.

He roughly knocked on the door and stood back, wiping the remaining tears from his face as he did so.

There was some noise behind the door then it swung open."Spence?" She asked before seeing his eyes were welling up already and pulling him into a hug. She held him tight for a few moments then pulled him inside, tears were streaming down his face thick and fast as he tried his best to say something. She slowly sat him down and hugged him again.

He clung to her as hard as he could and sobbed into her shoulder, all he could think about was that in his pursuit to get rid of the pain he'd broken one of his only promises to Emily. He struggled to regain his breath but as soon as he could he swallowed and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"She's dead, JJ. Emily's dead" He whispered. Now he was truly broken. He though before in the hospital they'd taken everything from him but he was wrong, they'd put him in so much pain that he'd _given_ them the last little piece of himself. Now he really was nothing.


	18. you won't ever forget her

Reid's eyes flickered open and he slowly sat up, his body stiff and aching. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, opened his car door and got out into to car park. Once he finally made it back home after seeing JJ he couldn't bring himself to go into the apartment so he'd curled up in the back of the car.

He lazily stretched and pushed a few strands of hair out of his face, yawning as he did so. The sun had risen but it had been up less than an hour and hung lazily in the air. Reid looked down at his clothes and knew immediately he'd need to go into the apartment and get some new ones.

His heart rate quicken when he thought about going back but he pushed himself on and into the apartment. He didn't bother switching on the lights; he could just about see with the lights shining through the blinds. Once in the bedroom he pulled open his wardrobe got a spare suitcase and a second go bag, filled them as high as he could with clothes then closed the bags and carried them out to the car. He pulled out a white shirt with light blue stripes, black trousers and two socks; one grey with navy blue and pink spots, the other yellow with orange stripes.

He jumped into the back seat and hurriedly put the clothes on before climbing forward into the driver's seat. He quickly started the engine and took off down the street, heading west to the bureau. Once parked he hopped out, grabbed his messenger bag from the boot and went into the office. He took the stairs instead of the elevator to avoid bumping into any early risers and only relaxed once he was at his desk.

He looked over at the stack of files he had to look over with an indecisive look; he still felt empty from the loss of Emily but he knew it would be easier to cope if he had work to do rather than sit around and think of everything he _could_ have done.

He grabbed the top file and laid it open on his desk. His eyes glanced over the first sentence but the words started blurring until the page was full of black, blurry lines at regular intervals. He sighed, sat back and closed the file; he wanted to stay busy but he realised then that it was too early to read about horrific murders… murders Emily would be able to stop if she were there.

He swivelled his chair to the left slightly and picked up the now- framed photo of Emily and him. JJ had helped him pick the frame out in the same little antique store she'd found the photo frame she'd brought Emily for Christmas. This one was made of pure ivory and had tiny flowers carved into it.

"She was so perfect" he whispered to himself. 'And I didn't deserve her' he thought.

"Reid?" Hotch asked as he walked into the bullpen. "You're not due back for another week" He reminded Reid and stopped at his desk.

"I'd rather just get back to work" He said quietly, his eyes avoiding Hotch's glare.

"Reid, you need to take some time to get over Prentiss before you can even think about-" Hotch began but Reid cut him off.

"I don't need time, Hotch. I just need to forget" He said, his voice a little quieter on the second sentence, like he was talking to himself instead of Hotch.

"Reid, I know this has been hard for you but I _can't_ have you back until you're over this. I've spent the last two days persuading Strauss not to fire you! What do you think she's going to do if I try and take you to New York?" He asked in his calm, monotone voice.

"New York? What's happening in New York?"

Hotch sighed as he realised he'd said too much. "There's been three double homicides in three weeks… the PD think they're linked but there's no physical evidence to link any of them" He replied quietly.

"Hotch, I… I just need to forget about everything that's happened" Reid said, his voice barely above a whisper, he was so utterly ashamed of what he was saying, not only because he was wishing he could forget the most amazing thing that had happened to him but, if Hotch looked a little deeper, he wanted dilaudid to do it for him.

"I know, Reid… I've been where you are" Hotch couldn't help but think how what was happening to Reid mirrored what happened to home with Haley. "But it's not that easy- it's never that easy. You're not going to be able to forget her… You'll hope and pray that next time you wake up you'll forget all about her and be able to just go back to how things were; before you met her and she changed everything…" Reid suddenly looked up at him and could see how distant Hotch was.

"But that day isn't ever going to come, Reid. You'll move on, you'll get to a point when you can think about her, talk about her, and you'll be able to smile… But you won't ever forget about her"


	19. i'm sorry

Reid's eyes slowly opened and he rubbed the sleep out of them as he sat up. His head moved this way and that as he remembered falling asleep in JJ's spare room after turning up at 3am crying. He looked over to his side and saw it was 6:00am so he slowly got up and neatly made the bed then silently walked out of the room.

First he looked for JJ's phone; he found it on the side in the kitchen so he quickly muted it then walked into the dining room. There he found JJ's house keys sitting on the table so he unlocked the door, got outside, relocked the door and dropped the keys through the letter box.

He shivered in the cold morning air and hurriedly made his way to his car, driving as fast as he could away from her house. He knew where he needed to go, he'd been waiting to go since the day of the funeral and the message on his phone telling him he could finally go sent him into the spiral of tears that had led him to JJ's house again.

He already had the directions mapped out in his head and the streets were clear apart from a few night workers coming home. He felt his fingers starting to tingle as he got closer and soon both hands were completely numb and his feet felt like cement blocks. He drove into the car park, grabbed the sweater and picture frame he'd yet to remove from his car, popped the glove box open and grabbed his gun, slinging into its holder then hopped out of the car and began a brisk walk.

He could tell the temperature had warmed slightly since he was last outside but it was still a shock to the pleasant warmth of the car. As he turned a corner he saw the willow tree hanging down, pointing towards the grave that now had its headstone. His heart rate increased but he pushed himself on until he found himself at the edge of the grave, his eyes scanning the writing on the headstone over and over.

He reached into his pocket and quickly found Morgan's number and called it. "Hey, it's Morgan" He said in his relaxed, chilled out voice. "I can't come to the phone right… You know what to do" He said then the beep came.

"Hey Morgan… I know you're not one to wake up early… it's Sunday so you'll still be tired from whatever fun you got up to the night before" He said with a little smile as he thought of his flirty friend. "I… I'm sorry. I'm not good at apologies but I owe you one. I owe you all one. I'm sorry for what I need to do but I promise it's for the best. I'd never do this to you if it wasn't going to help. I'm not going to move on from her, Morgan. I'll never be able to forget about how much I hurt her, Hotch said I'll be able to look back happily on this but I don't believe him. All I believe is if I don't get out now I'll end up on that stuff again or…" He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I really am sorry, Morgan. You're strong though; believe me when I say it. You'll get over me… I know this will hurt you know but let it make you stronger. That's what you told me after... after Hankel… this is my turn to do you a favour" He said then hung up and searched for JJ's number.

He already knew it would go onto the answer phone; it was just a matter of waiting. "Hey, this is JJ" Her voicemail played, if it had been work she wouldn't have used JJ but Reid made sure to call her personal phone like he'd done with Morgan. "Sorry I can't come to the phone right now but leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you" He could practically hear the smile on her face, he was sure he could hear Henry giggling in the background.

The loud beep came and Reid cleared his throat. "Hey JJ, It's me" He said, his voice barely above a whisper as he remembered how he had left voicemails like this when Emily went missing. "I'm sorry JJ… I'm sorry I'm just not strong enough… I really want to be but I'm not. I… I want to be there for Henry when he graduates high school and get him into college and be there for whatever he needs" He whispered, his voice getting quieter and weaker as he thought about his innocent little godson.

"He's still got Garcia, though" He said with a sad smile. "She'll get him into Yale, JJ. By time he even got to that age I'd already have driven myself crazy and be institutionalised like my mom… I'm losing my mind over Emily… And calling those guys to take my mom was the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't want you to have to do the same for me" He whispered.

"I'm sorry, JJ. Tell Henry I love him and now I'm his own little angel" He whispered, closed his contacts and opened up voice recorder. He hit record and took another deep breath.

"I'm sorry I can't apologise privately to you all. You all deserve to know how much you meant to me… but I need to go soon. Just please know that this isn't your fault. None of you could have stopped this… It just needs to happen" He said, the final sentence a whisper as he let a single tear slide down his cheek.

"You guys were the greatest friends I've ever had and I'm sorry I couldn't be the same for all of you. You were the closest I had to a family in a very long time… You always accepted and trusted me… I've never felt more at home than when I was with you" He whispered, as his eyes focused on the headstone.

"I love you all and… I'm really sorry" He said, finally breaking down into tears. "Bye" He whispered then hung up, dropping his phone on the ground. He gently laid the photo frame on the ground next to the headstone, he knew it belonged at home but he didn't want it to be cleared out with everything and for someone to decide its fate. He wanted them to know it was special to him.

He draped the sweater over the headstone then opened his gun, it was fully loaded but he took all but one of the bullets out. He spun the barrel then slammed it into place, hearing the familiar noises of the Russian roulette Hankel had played with him. He popped it open and saw he wouldn't have fired the bullet so he did it again and again until it finally landed on the right.

He picked the other bullets out of his pockets and reloaded the gun. "Just encase" He whispered as he picked up the sweater and made his way to the end of the grave so that he could read the headstone one last time.

He gripped tightly to the sweater as he shakily placed the gun to his right temple. He closed his eyes and brought the sweater up to his face so he could smell that sweet perfume just one last time. He thought about Emily's beautiful face, how she tilted her head and the little laugh she saved just for him. His mind was drifting but he knew he had plenty of time, after all he'd be dead soon anyway.


	20. the gun to his temple

Morgan wrapped the towel around his waist and checked his phone, one new voicemail. "Huh. No one ever calls me early" He said to himself. He was right, most of the team didn't bother calling him until at least 10:30 as he usually wasn't awake until then but Morgan was behind on paperwork and he wanted to get into work early, finish it off and have the rest of his Sunday free to himself.

He gave a confused look, turned loud speaker on then hit play as he walked into his bedroom to get some clothes. "Hey Morgan… I know you're not one to wake up early" He heard Reid's voice say, well he was wrong about that he thought to himself. "It's Sunday so you'll still be tired from whatever fun you got up to the night before" Morgan laughed a little as he pulled out a pair of trousers from his chest of drawers.

"I… I'm sorry. I'm not good at apologies but I owe you one… I owe you all one" Morgan paused when he heard that and stood up straight to hear what he was going to say next. "I'm sorry for what I need to do but I promise it's for the best" Reid's voice played back to him. Morgan hurriedly placed the phone on his bed and pulled his clothes on as fast as he could then grabbed his phone and keys.

"All I believe is if I don't get out now I'll end up on that stuff again or…" Reid said, his voice was barely above a whisper now as Morgan jumped into his car and sped across town, he knew where he'd be. "This is my turn to do you a favour" His voice crackled on the end of the line before it went dead.

"No, Reid!" Morgan practically yelled as he threw the phone across the car and increased his car's speed. "Come on…." He said as he saw the sign for the cemetery car park and hurriedly swerved right.

He prayed to god that he was alive. He knew there was no use calling him, Reid was one of the most stubborn men he'd ever met and it would only make him get it over with quicker. No, Morgan knew if he wanted to stop Reid he'd have to take the gun out of his hand for him. Of course, it might not even be a gun but Morgan was sure it would be. He knew Reid could have easily picked up some Dilaudid of a street corner and overdose or even use his title of doctor to order drugs that would stop his heart but Morgan knew Reid wouldn't do that. Reid wouldn't go near that stuff again, not even to kill himself. And he'd _never_ use his degrees he'd worked so hard for to get the drugs that would kill him.

Morgan flung himself out of the car door once he was parked and sprinted to Prentiss's grave; he'd been four times since she was buried as he waited for the headstone to be put down so he could finally buy some flowers for her. As the grave came into view so did Reid, his revolver pressed to his temple with a purple sweater in the other hand.

Morgan slowed his pace slightly so Reid wouldn't know he was there until he was close enough to stop him. "Reid?" Morgan choked out as he got within ten feet of him.

Reid let out a little noise that Morgan couldn't distinguish between a cough or a sigh as he opened his eyes and turned to face Morgan. "I'm sorry" He whispered as another tear trailed down his cheek.

"Reid, just put the gun down" Morgan said as he held his hand out in front of him.

"I can't… I need to do this" He whispered back as he clung tightly to the sweater.

"No Reid, you're strong. You can beat this… I promise you" Morgan replied as he edged a tiny bit closer.

"I can't" Reid pleaded for Morgan to admit he was weak, that it was better for him to be dead.

"Yes you can" Moran replied as he got a little closer. He saw Reid's finger on the trigger, ready to put a bullet in his brain. "What did you say to Prentiss in the warehouse? You gotta do what you told her to do and do the best you can for the team"

"This is the best thing for the team"

"No it's not!" Morgan yelled at him. He took a step closer as Reid's face twisted from anguish as another few tears escaped his eyes.

Please…" Reid whimpered as his grip slightly lessened on the gun.

"The best you can do for the team now is to put the gun down" Morgan said calmly, he was only a few feet away from Reid now.

"I…" He searched for words but he couldn't find them, he couldn't begin to explain to Morgan how much he wanted to die and to see Emily, to feel her touch again.

"Please, Reid" Morgan begged as he offered his hand to take the gun.

Reid's hand tightened on the gun for a moment before he gave up the fight and slowly handed over the revolver. Once the gun was in Morgan's hand he slowly placed it on the floor then pulled Reid into a hug.

Reid held tight to the sweater even when Morgan folded his arms around him and held him tight, he'd stopped noticing that he was crying while the cold metal of the gun was touching his skin but now it was gone he realised just how much of a mess he must look. "It's ok, It's ok" He hushed the crying, broken man that looked more like a frightened child now. He slowly let go of Reid but kept one hand on his back and started to guide him away from the grave as he whispered "Let's get you to the car"

**Sorry to leave you guys on a bit of a cliff hanger, I had written the last chapter and this one at the same time but I wanted to add this one a little later for suspense. I didn't mean to leave it almost a whole day before posting, I was going to post earlier but this was my first chance today. hope you liked the extra dash of drama to mark chapter 20! :)  
**


	21. this isn't your fault

**sorry for the mix up between chapters. here's the right chapter twenty one :)**

"Come on, Reid" Morgan said as he opened the door of the front passenger seat of his SUV for him to get out. Once Reid was standing Morgan carefully guided him, with one hand on his back, up to JJ's front door- she'd know what to do.

Reid could distantly hear Henry excitedly saying something just before the door slowly opened. JJ was standing in front of him, Henry clinging to her leg like he had at Christmas…

"Spence?" JJ asked as Morgan hurried him inside, he was looking worse by the second. He'd gone a ghostly pale colour and his eyes looked vacant of any sign of life.

"I didn't know what else to do" Morgan hurriedly said as he kept a hand on Reid's back to stop him from collapsing. JJ quickly nodded, took Reid's arm and guided him back into the spare room as Morgan and Henry stood helplessly.

"What happened to him?" JJ asked quietly as she came down the corridor and Henry hurried towards her, he was obviously worried about Reid despite his young age.

"I found him at the cemetery… with a gun" He said quietly, the last sentence a whisper so Reid and Henry wouldn't hear.

"Oh my god" JJ gasped as Henry clung to her fingers on the hand that hung close to him.

"I didn't know what to do… He just kept saying sorry" Morgan said, his eyes distant as he remembered Reid, the closest he had to a brother, with a gun to his head. "Shit!" He almost shouted despite Henry being in the room. He reached inside his pocket, pulled out his phone and quickly called Garcia.

"Hey Morgan" Garcia answered in a voice that told Morgan she was trying to put on her disguise of happiness despite everything that had happened- or rather _because_ of everything that had happened. "What's up?" She sighed.

"Garcia, I need you to get down to Prentiss' grave" He said in a rush of word as he paced the floor and ran his hand over his head.

"Why? What's wrong?" She asked as she grabbed her car keys off of the kitchen counter top.

"Reid left his gun there…" Morgan could just about hear Garcia shutting her front door and the faintest little clicks of her shoes on the ground outside.

"Why'd he do that?" Garcia asked worriedly.

"I'll explain when you get here" Morgan sighed. "Oh, and they'll be a photo frame there… it'll be somewhere near the gun. Bring that too"

"Alright, I'll call you on my way over" She said as he heard her slam her car door behind her. "Bye" She finally said before the line went dead.

"Yeah" He said quietly even though he knew Garcia couldn't hear him anymore, he really needed her right now. Despite the image he built for himself he was a mess, Prentiss was his partner and he hadn't been there for her when he needed her most. Now he'd let his best friend slip into a place so dark there wasn't a way out. He needed Garcia- his little ray of sunshine even in the darkest depths of his mind.

"I'm gonna get Will to take Henry out for the day… Reid needs us" JJ said quietly as she absentmindedly stroked her son's soft blonde hair. Morgan nodded so JJ took Henry's arm and led him into what Morgan presumed was JJ and Will's bedroom.

Shortly after she came back out without Henry and there was a small amount of noise coming from the room. "He's going to take him to the zoo…" She said and gave that smile she used to try to hide her pain when really it only highlighted it. "I don't know how I couldn't have seen it" She said quietly, leant against the counter top and pushed the hair out her face.

"None of us could have… But we got to him in time" Morgan replied with his eyes fixed to the floor.

"But I was with him last night… I should have seen how bad he was and stopped him from leaving. I should have talked it through with him and made sure he was alright instead of just telling him to try and get some sleep…" JJ explained and rubbed her eyes.

"JJ there was no way-" Morgan began but he was cut off.

"Mommy!" Henry shouted as he jumped out of the bedroom with Will behind him. "Zoo, Mommy! We goin' zoo" He slurred out in his broken language with a big grin.

"That sounds awesome" She said as she grabbed him off the floor and swung him into the air with her best attempt at a smile which little Henry wasn't at an age yet to see past.

"You come too?" He asked with that innocent face and a little hand on her cheek.

"No, buddy, Mommy and Uncle Morgan are gonna do boring grown up stuff" Will said, exaggerating certain words to make Henry giggle. JJ passed their son over to him and gave him a thankful smile; Will replied with a little nod to his wife and Morgan then carried Henry out of the house with his car keys.

"You know this isn't fault, right?" Morgan said seriously and looked JJ dead in the eye.

"Yeah…" JJ sighed even though she knew she could have stopped this all. She could stop anymore pain and suffering happening, she was just choosing not to.

Morgan gave her a warm but sad smile as his eyes flickered over to the door that led to the spare room Reid was in. Morgan heard a buzzing and looked behind him to see his phone vibrating. He quickly answered and heard Garcia's familiar voice. "Morgan, what's up with Reid?" She asked concern even more obvious than before.

"I tell you when you get here" Morgan repeated to her with a little sigh as he thought about telling her what Reid had done- what he'd tried to do.

"Morgan, Reid wouldn't just _leave_ his gun there… or that picture frame. Just tell me he's ok?" She pleaded into the phone as she hurried across town with the gun and photo frame on the passenger seat next to her.

"Garcia I…" He paused for a moment as he realised he was about to say he was fine. Physically, yes. Mentally? He was a wreck, worse than Morgan had ever seen him. "He's in a bad place but he's not hurt, I promise" He replied, hoping his words would comfort her.

"What does that mean?" She asked slightly indignantly.

"It means I need you here to help him get better, not on the other side of town asking me about him" He said, letting his anger slip out at the wrong person.

"I'll be there in 5" Garcia quietly replied and hung up without saying goodbye. Morgan rushed to say sorry, to explain he just needed her right now, not just for Reid but for himself. He hadn't meant to upset her; he just needed to get his anger out. The only person he wanted that anger directed at was Doyle. He didn't want him in jail, he wanted him in a shallow grave where no one would find him, he thought bitterly.

Morgan ran his hand over his head and clenched his eyes closed for a moment before opening them again. He walked up to the door of the room Reid was in and paused there for a moment and listened but he couldn't hear anything so he walked back to JJ.

"What are we going to do?" She asked her voice slightly hopeless. "We can't just send him back to his apartment"

"I know…" He sighed and looked over to the door again. "Could he stay here for a while until he gets his head together?"

"You think he'll stay?" JJ said with the smallest laugh as she thought about him sneaking out that morning. "He only slept four hours here before he got up and left, locked the door behind him and dropped the keys through the letterbox. You really think I can make him stay?"

"Well, what do you want me to do? Drop him off at his apartment with all the damn memories of Prentiss and _hope_ I get there in time when I get the next message, _hope_ I wake up early like today and get to stop him putting a bullet in his head?" Morgan argued, trying hard not to yell.

"That's not fair" She said, her eyes fixed on the floor as the shame inside built.

"No, JJ, It's not. But is any of this fair? Is the message he left on my phone fair? Is seeing your best friend standing next to the grave of your partner with a gun to his head fair? What if I slept in? Is it fair that I'd have to live with the guilt of my best friend's _death_ all because I was fucking tired?" Morgan retorted, his whole body shaking as he thought back to Reid's hand on the gun, seeing him so ready to end it all.

"Morgan I-" JJ began to apologize but there was an urgent knock at the door which she quickly answered.

"Where is he?" Garcia blurted out as she stormed inside, dropping the photo frame and gun on the kitchen counter.

"He's in there" JJ said and pointed towards the door. "He-" JJ tried to explain but she couldn't she already felt tears prickling at her eyes.

"Let's just sit down for a minute" Morgan sighed and gently guided the shaken Garcia out to the living room and sat her down with JJ close behind.

"What happened?" Garcia said, tears threatening her eyes.

"He tried to commit suicide" Morgan said quietly.

"Oh my god" Garcia gasped as a silent tear slipped down her cheek. "Is he alright? I've gotta see him" She blurted out and tried to get up but JJ stopped her from moving.

"He's fine. He just…" JJ said then realised she was lying, he wasn't fine. He was a mess and Garcia would already know that. "He's a wreck, Garcia. He hasn't said a word since he got here… He's freezing cold and the only thing he really looks like he cares about is the purple sweater he's carrying" She said with a sigh.

"Have you checked your phone for messages?" Morgan asked, hoping against hope he hadn't sent her one too.

"Yeah… He didn't send me anything" Garcia whispered, almost as if she knew what he was thinking.

"What about you, JJ?" Morgan asked as he turned his head towards her.

"No…" She said, looked round then remembered putting it in the dining room so quickly went to get it.

"I need to see him, Morgan" Garcia whispered making eye contact with him as an extra plead.

"In a minute, Garcia. I promise" He whispered back.

In the dining room JJ was checking her messages when she came across the voicemail. She paused for a moment before hitting play and pushing the phone to her ear. "Hey JJ, It's me" Reid said quietly down the line. "I'm sorry JJ… I'm sorry I'm just not strong enough…" His voice switching to a whisper as his voice struggled with the tears.

"Oh god" JJ whispered back into the phone as the first tear escaped from her eye.

"I really want to be but I'm not. I… I want to be there for Henry when he graduates high school and get him into college and be there for whatever he needs" Reid whispered., breaking JJ's heart a little more with every word.

"He's still got Garcia, though" He said with the tiniest of laughs.

"No, Reid" She begged, forgetting he was only a few steps away in the spare room. "He needs _you_"

"She'll get him into Yale, JJ" Reid promised across the line. JJ felt a few more tears slip onto her cheeks but she quickly wiped them away.

"By time I even got to that age I'd already have driven myself crazy and be institutionalised like my mom… I'm losing my mind over Emily… And calling those guys to take my mom was the hardest thing I've ever done. I don't want you to have to do the same for me" He continued, his voice crackling even more as he said Emily's name.

"You won't go crazy, Reid. Please don't do this" She pleaded with him, another tear slipping onto her cheek.

"I'm sorry, JJ. Tell Henry I love him and now I'm his own little angel" Reid finally concluded in a whisper.

"No, Reid. Please… I'm sorry… Don't go" She begged the recording but the line went dead. She burst out crying and dropped the phone onto the floor, shielding her face from the tears that began flooding out of her eyes.

Morgan and Garcia heard the phone drop and raced into the kitchen only to find JJ in a heap on the floor, tears streaming down her face. JJ had forgotten it was just a recording, she'd forgotten Morgan had stopped it from happening. To her those were Reid's last words because of her lying to him. She gasped for air through the tears as she tried to beg Reid to not leave her. She struggled for air as her lungs grew tired but she forced out a whimpered "I'm sorry"

**What do you guys think? Do you like focusing on some of the other team or do you want more on Reid? Any feedback would be great; it only helps the next chapter to be even better :)  
**


	22. this isn't going to happen again

"I don't know what happened" JJ said, still in shock from listening to Reid's suicide message to her. "I guess I just forgot…" She added as her minded drifted.

"It's alright, JJ" Morgan said as he held one of her hands tightly and thought back to hearing the message Reid had left for him. Garcia came into the living room with a small glass of water and handed it to JJ.

"Thanks" JJ whispered before she took a few small sips of water then set the glass down on an end table.

"I'm gonna check on Reid" Garcia said quietly as she edged toward the door.

"I'll come with you" JJ said quickly and got up to follow.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, JJ?" Morgan asked as he stood and reached a hand forward to stop her.

"I'm fine" JJ said and pulled away from him. "It's Reid who needs our help now" She added quietly and followed Garcia out. Morgan ran a hand over his head then sat back down and sighed.

"Reid? It's just me and JJ" Garcia said quietly as she edged into the spare room where Reid was curled up in a corner.

At first Reid didn't respond, he just lay in a pile as his body quivered from the cold. He could distantly hear Garcia's voice but it was so far away he wasn't sure if he was imagining it.

"Reid?" Garcia asked again as she knelt down next to him and placed a hand on his arm. His skin felt icy cold to the touch and Goosebumps covered every visible bit of him. "He's freezing" Garcia relayed to JJ who was standing a few feet away staring down at the two of them.

"Garcia?" Reid murmured quietly as he lazily lifted his heavy head to look round for her.

"Yeah, hon. I'm here, I'm right here" She whispered as she reached for his hand and gave a quick, comforting squeeze.

"Where's Emily?" He slurred out as he struggled to sit up to look around.

"Reid she's…" Garcia started but she couldn't bring herself to say it as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Let's get him into bed" JJ quietly said, walked over to Reid and slowly helped him up with the help of Garcia. "Come on, Reid" JJ whispered as she lay him down in the bed and covered him up.

Once in the bed he curled up into a tiny ball and hugged the sweater tightly as he continued to shiver. His eyes slowly closed, his breathing increased regularity and his muscles relaxed but he still clung to the sweater.

"How is he?" Morgan whispered as JJ carefully closed the door behind.

"Worse… He asked for Emily" JJ replied as her eyes studied the floor.

"God" Morgan sighed and rubbed his hand over his head again. "Where's Garcia?" He asked as he looked round for her.

"She's still in there… He's asleep now but she just wants to keep an on him… Should… Should we call someone?" She asked nervously.

"Like who?" Morgan asked and stared hard at JJ.

"I don't know… Hotch?" She asked, even more nervous now.

"Hotch? He'll fire him" Morgan angrily whispered back.

"No he won't!" JJ said a little too loud. "We can't deal with this on our own" She whispered back once she got a bit of composure back.

"And you think Hotch can? He'll send him to some shrink who'll lock him up… You think that'll help him? That's what he _doesn't_ want. That's why he did all of this" Morgan whispered back.

"I don't know what else to do" JJ admitted and ran a hand through her hair.

"He'll have to stay here for a couple days… If that's alright with you" He added. JJ nodded and gave a sad smile. "After that…" He said with a sigh "We take him back to the apartment and work out a way so someone's with him all the time… This isn't going to happen again"

**As always, it's great getting reviews from you guys! especially positive ones and even the criticsm is good because then i can make the story even better for you. i hope you liked this chapter, it's a little short but i'll most likely have another chapter or two for you tomorrow. enjoy your Sunday :)**


	23. i didn't mean for this to happen

JJ slowly opened the door of the spare room with one hand as she carried a plate with a few pieces of buttered toast on it. "Hey, Spence" JJ said as she walked closer and gave him a warm smile. "I brought you something to eat" She added as she bent down to his eye line to offer it to him.

"Huh?" He mumbled as his eyes searched for her in the gloomy room.

"Food" JJ simplified for him and gently pushed a strand of hair out of his face.

"Where am I?" He asked sleepily as he pushed his body upwards so he was sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

"It's ok Reid" Garcia said and jumped towards him, treating him almost like a sick child. "You're at JJ's house… Why don't you try and eat something" She explained as she gently rubbed his back.

Reid continued to rub his eyes for a few more seconds then slowly reached for a piece of toast and took the smallest of bites. He looked up at the women with concerned faces and frowned. "What's wrong?" He asked nervously.

"Don't you remember?" JJ asked, concern obvious in her voice now as well as her face.

"Remember what?" He asked and returned the piece of toast to the plate.

JJ opened her mouth to explain but Garcia interrupted her. "You don't need to know right now, it's not important" She said as she continued to soothingly rubbed his back.

"When did I get here?" Reid asked and rubbed his eyes again.

"Yesterday morning" JJ answered with a warm smile as she gently placed the plate on the bedside table.

"You've been sleeping since then" Garcia said with a little smile.

"Can I get up?" He asked as he fidgeted under the covers.

"Sure… I got your go bag from your car, I think Morgan left it in the living room" JJ said as she looked round for the bag.

"Morgan? Is he here?" Reid asked as he struggled to get up on shaky legs.

"He went to see Hotch… He should be back soon" JJ replied and reached for his arm to help him up.

"Try and take it slow" Garcia said quietly as she took his other arm and helped him to his feet.

"What happened to me?" Reid asked as he stretched his stiff and aching body.

"It's not important" Garcia repeated as she and JJ slowly let go of his arms for him to stand on his own.

"Can I get a glass of water?" Reid asked and looked to JJ for the answer.

"Sure, I'll go get your go bag and Garcia can help you to the kitchen she said with a warm smile then opened the door and led the way out. JJ split from the other two when she reached the living room door, Reid continued into the kitchen with Garcia close behind him.

Reid quickly opened the overhead cupboard, pulled out a small glass, closed the cupboard and filled the glass with water. He took a small sip and slowly swallowed the water down his dry throat.

"So, you don't remember anything?" Garcia asked as she looked thoughtfully at him.

Reid took another sip then shook his head. "Not a thing" He said and gave an awkward half smile.

"Do you remember what happened to Emily?" Garcia asked nervously, she wasn't sure how she'd explain to him after all that had happened.

"Yeah…" He answered, his voice was barely above a whisper and his eyes began studying the floor as he took another sip.

"I got your clothes" JJ said as she walked into the kitchen and handed Reid the bag. "You can change in the spare room, if you'd like" She added with the warmest smile she could manage.

Reid nodded, took the bag and went back into the spare room, closing the door behind him.

"What did he say?" JJ whispered to Garcia.

"He doesn't remember anything" Garcia whispered the reply.

"What about Emily?" JJ asked.

"No, he remembers that" Garcia replied with a sigh and adjusted her glasses. "How could he just forget about it?" Garcia asked, obviously upset despite her colourful clothing she hid behind.

"Stress can do strange things to people… He'll probably remember in the next few days" She added quietly and pushed some hair out of her face.

There was a small pause as JJ's words sunk in then Garcia sighed. "When did Morgan say he'd come back?"

"He should be here in a half hour, tops. I don't know how he's gonna explain this to Hotch though…" JJ said and rubbed her eyes like she was exhausted.

"This is all such a mess" Garcia added as she leant against the kitchen counter top and picked at her fingernails.

"Hey" Reid said with another awkward smile as he walked into the kitchen in clean clothes. He hadn't put much thought into the clothes but he still looked okay, he was wearing black slacks hiding his mismatching socks, a whiter than white shirt with a grey sweater pulled over the top.

"Hey, Spence" JJ said with the best smile she could manage.

"I need to talk to Morgan" He said quietly as he glanced from the floor, to JJ, then Garcia, then back to the floor.

"Sure, he'll be back soon" Garcia replied warmly.

"You know about what happened, don't you?" Reid asked, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. JJ closed her eyes for a second longer than a blink and Garcia had to catch her breath as they realised he'd remembered much sooner than they'd hoped.

JJ slowly nodded and whispered "Yeah"

"Did you check your voicemails?" Reid asked, obviously ashamed of what he'd done.

JJ felt tears pricking at her eyes but she forced them down again. She could still feel the lump in her throat so decided just to nod, showing Reid how upset she was would only make him worse.

"I'm sorry" Reid managed to choke out as he roughly rubbed his cheek. His head was hung so low neither JJ nor Garcia could see his face but they knew he had started crying and was trying his best to hide it. "I didn't mean for this to happen" He whispered.

"It's alright, Reid" Garcia whispered as she pulled him closer into a hug. Reid wrapped his arms around her tightly and clung as hard as he could to her, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stand without her support. Garcia rubbed her hand soothing up and down his back and hushed his crying while JJ stood and watched on.

This was her fault. Now it wasn't just Reid that was hurt, JJ could see Garcia's eyes filling with tears as she fought her hardest to keep them down so she could comfort Reid. This could have all been over so quickly, she could have explained everything in the hospital and none of this would have happened. Reid wouldn't have put the gun to his head, Garcia wouldn't have to hide behind her cheerful exterior, Morgan wouldn't burst out crying when he thought no one could hear him.

All this pain was her doing, her decision. She was making her family suffer when she could easily have chosen different words, different choices. She roughly rubbed a tear from her cheek and thought bitterly that it should have been her with the gun, not Reid.


	24. Hotch wants to see you

Morgan gave Reid his best attempt at a smile as he walked into JJ's living room with Reid sitting nervously on one of the armchairs in the corner. Reid returned the smile with his own little awkward half smile and pushed a few strands of hair out if his face. "How're you feeling?" Morgan asked as he sat down on the sofa.

"Alright, I guess" Reid replied quietly, embarrassment obvious in his voice. "I'm sorry about the voicemail and everything" He added quietly while he avoided eye contact.

"Forget about it" Morgan replied and looked harder at Reid. "Hotch wants to see you today… Strauss has asked for everyone to be assessed and given appropriate help and he thought it best if it could be done within the team…" Reid looked up at him for the first time in what felt like forever with an obviously worried look on his face. "Don't worry about, I had mine this morning. You'll be fine" Morgan added in hopes it would relax him a bit.

"I was thinking about going back to my own apartment soon" Reid quietly stated.

"Are you sure you're ready for that?" Morgan asked and sat up a bit to get a better look at him.

"I'll feel better when I'm at home" Reid answered and nervously scratched at his arm where a couple of the Dilaudid injections had become infected and were now tiny scars.

"I'll take you back after you see Hotch, if you want?" Morgan asked and sat back a little.

"Whatever's best for you" Reid replied and gave another awkward smile.

"Hotch said you can drop by any time today" Morgan stated after a long pause. He waited for Reid to say something but he just gave him a little nod. "When do you want me to take you?" Morgan softly prompted him.

"Oh, uh, anytime… Now if it's alright with you?" Reid asked and sat forward a tad.

"Sure Morgan replied as he stood, grabbed his car keys off the table and proceeded to the door with Reid trailing behind. Once in the car there was a long silent drive to the office only broken by Reid occasionally clearing his throat.

"I'll wait for you here" Morgan said warmly as he stopped by the steps that led from the bullpen to Hotch's office. Reid paused for a moment then nodded and continued up until he stood by Hotch's door. He softly knocked and almost immediately Hotch told him to come in, Morgan gave him one last smile before he disappeared inside.

"Take a seat" Hotch said; his formality was slightly less than usual as he pointed to the chair on the other side of his desk. Reid slowly sat down and waited nervously for Hotch to speak again. "You know I never wanted to have this conversation with you, Reid, but we can't deny what happened to Prentiss" Hotch began quietly as he thought of all the lies he was telling to the already fragile man.

"I know" Reid quietly replied as he picked at his fingernails.

"What happened to Prentiss wasn't your fault, Reid. You're going to want to blame yourself but it isn't going to help you" Hotch stated, hating himself even more as he saw what his words were doing to Reid.

"But it _was_ my fault" Reid quietly protested, his voice barely above a whisper as it shook from the struggle to keep the tears down.

"I thought the same thing about Haley…" Hotch stated shakily, having to say that was the hardest part.

"Why do you even bother with this job, Hotch?" Reid finally snapped and looked dead into the man's eyes as tears were obvious in his own. "Why do you just _carry on_ after everything? Your wife is _dead_, your son is _never_ gonna see his mom again but you just _carry on" _Reid said angrily as he let his emotions out. "Why do you still care after _everything?"_

"Because I want Jack to grow up in a country that is _safe._ Because I want him and kids his age to play out in their yards without their parents worrying about paedophiles snatching them while they look away. Because I want Haley's death to _mean_ something" He replied angrily and sat up a little in his chair.

"If you couldn't keep a trained FBI agent safe how do you expect to keep a whole country safe?" Reid spat out angrily and sat back in his chair.

Hotch took a moment to calm himself down before replying "I don't expect to keep a whole country safe. The truth is there will_ always_ be murderers and rapists and paedophiles but every life we save is a small victory. Every weapon we take from them, every prison sentence they serve is a victory. That's what makes me carry on- that's what makes everything worth it"

Reid ground his teeth together and gave Hotch a hard look before he let out a little laugh, got up and went for the door. He grabbed the handle and just before he closed the door behind him, with his voice full of anger and venom, he spat "Well, who got to decide Emily wasn't worth it"


	25. hanging out at Reid's place

"Are you alright?" Morgan asked as he followed Reid out of the office.

"I'm fine" He snapped back as he tried to calm himself down. "I just want to get home" He sighed as he slid into the front passenger seat of Morgan's SUV.

Morgan nodded, put the key in the ignition and quickly drove out of the car park and towards Reid's apartment. Once Morgan parked in the apartment's car park Reid's eyes became quizzical at the other car parked that he didn't recognise as his neighbour's.

"Hey Reid" JJ greeted him as she hopped out of the car with Garcia close behind.

"What are you guys doing here?" He asked bluntly as the women approached him.

"We thought we'd hang out at your place" Garcia said with that familiar smile as she and Morgan led the way up the stairs and to the apartment door. JJ pulled Reid's keys out of her bag and quickly unlocked the door despite Reid's confused look.

"Where did you find them?" Reid asked as he followed the group inside.

"On JJ's kitchen counter" Garcia replied as she walked into the kitchen and searched for glasses. Morgan flopped down onto the sofa and JJ followed Garcia into the kitchen. "Where're the glasses?" Garcia asked with a laugh as she opened and closed more cupboards.

"Um, just here" Reid said as he walked into the kitchen and awkwardly stretched over to open the right cupboard.

"Oh, thanks" Garcia said, pulled out four glasses and filled them all with water. JJ and Reid took their own glasses and Garcia carried hers and Morgan's out to him. Reid sat on the armchair while the other three squashed onto the one sofa.

"There's something we need to tell you, Spence" JJ started after a long silence. "We can't really leave you alone again… you know that, right?"

"It's hard to miss when you show up at my apartment to 'hang out'" Reid replied with the smallest of smiles playing on the corner of his lips.

"That _was_ a pretty bad excuse" Morgan added with a smile and laugh.

"Hey! You put me on the spot, I'm not good under pressure" Garcia said jokingly and lifted her hands up as a defence. Even Reid couldn't help himself joining in with the laughter that rippled through the group.

"So, how do you plan on supervising me?" Reid asked, still with a little smile on his face and the tiniest hint of humorous sarcasm.

"Garcia's got the night shift, I've got afternoons and Morgan has mornings" JJ explained with a little smile as she glanced over at Morgan.

"Mornings? Seriously?" Morgan sat up and stared at the girls as he shook his head. "Nuh uh. I don't roll like that" Morgan added and folded his arms over his chest.

"Well, you're gonna have to _learn_ to 'roll' like that because I have Henry in the mornings" JJ replied with a teasing smile.

"What about you, baby girl? Wanna do chocolate thunder a favour?" He asked with a big grin and wink.

"I already have to spend the whole night with him; I'm not doing your shift too!" Garcia exclaimed and playfully nudged him.

"It's not gonna be a bundle of laughs for me either, you know" Reid pointed out with a big grin on his face as he watched the three agents bicker like little kids.

"And what's that supposed to mean? We can get down with a little post box adventure too!" Garcia protested.

"It's not a post box, Pen" JJ spluttered out as her voice gave way to laughter while Garcia looked round with a confused look.

"Oh yeah? How would _you_ know?" Garcia asked as she raised an eyebrow.

"Because pretty boy is always on about it on the jet" Morgan explained with a big laugh.

"I am not!" Reid protested even though he couldn't help but smile.

"I wanna go on the jet again" Garcia whined and rested her head on Morgan's muscular.

"I wouldn't bother getting comfortable, baby girl… I gotta go soon" Morgan said and sat forward with a little yawn.

"Me too" JJ said as she stood and stretched.

"Awww" Garcia moaned as she reached for the two now standing agents. "Don't leave me!" Garcia exclaimed dramatically.

"See you in the morning, baby girl" Morgan called as JJ dragged him out the door.

"Ugh" Garcia moaned as she relaxed onto the sofa and stretched out. "Come on, then" She finally sighed. "Teach me the miracles of Doctor Who"

**Sorry this one is a little short but I hope it's a bit more cheerful than the last few chapters. Within the next few chapters I'll try and speed it up a bit to where Prentiss returns but I'd also like to include a chapter or two more of Reid coping/ getting over Emily. Which would you guys prefer? I've really loved all the reviews that you guys keep giving and the twist some of you might have read about will **_**definitely**_** be here by next Monday. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and the chapters to come! :) **


	26. were they together?

"How is he?" JJ asked Garcia down the line.

"He's fast asleep… and boy can he sleep" Garcia replied with a little laugh. "How's my chocolate?"

"Right here, baby girl" Morgan replied with a grin on his face as JJ switched the phone to loudspeaker. There was a small pause and the smile slowly faded from Morgan's face despite how hard he tried to hide it. "Has he said anything about Prentiss?" He asked nervously.

"Not a thing… He went pretty quiet after you guys left. I tried to get him to eat something but he said he wasn't hungry and went to bed a little after" Garcia explained quietly from the kitchen of Reid's apartment.

"Poor kid" Morgan sighed and ran his hand over his head. "I thought he was getting better"

"You know, Spence. He'll wake up one day and be fine…" JJ said hopefully.

"I know this is a _really_ bad time to ask but were they actually together?" Garcia asked quietly as she stole a glance down the corridor to make sure he couldn't hear. "I mean, I knew he had a thing for her but I didn't think they were actually dating"

"From what he told me it was a lot more than dating, Garcia" Morgan sighed as he sat down on JJ's sofa. "He said they'd been together for two years" He added.

"And he didn't tell anyone before she went missing?" Garcia asked as she washed up the glasses from earlier that day.

"No…" JJ sighed and pushed a few strands from her hair.

There was a long pause as everyone thought through the last few years, could they have seen the change? That day when Reid's smile was a little bigger, when Emily was happy to skip her morning coffee. Had they seen it? Was it during or between a case? How had it begun?

"I better go" JJ finally sighed and reached for her phone.

"I'll see you in the morning, Garcia" Morgan said quietly as he grabbed his car keys to head home for a few hours sleep.

"See you then" Garcia replied, her voice was barely above a whisper as she hung up. She dried her hands from washing up then quietly walked down the corridor toward Reid's bedroom. She gently opened the door and peered inside the dark room, Reid's body just a faint outline curled up under the blankets of the bed. "See you in the morning" Garcia whispered to him, just encase he was awake, then walked back to the living room, sat down on the sofa and prepared herself for a long night.

"How's Reid coping?" Rossi asked as he sat in Hotch's office with Hotch opposite him, behind his desk.

"This is your session, Dave" Hotch reminded him in his familiar formal tone.

"His mandatory leave ended last week, right?" Rossi continued. "When're you expecting him back?"

There was a small pause as the two men stared each other down like they often did when their personalities collided. "Honestly, I don't know if he's coming back" Hotch sighed and sat forward. "He still seems hurt over what happened with Prentiss" Hotch admitted.

"I heard" Rossi stated. Hotch raised a questioning eyebrow so he explained "He wasn't exactly quiet about it"

"He's lost his girlfriend, Rossi. They spent almost three years hiding their relationship from us because they didn't think we would understand…" Hotch sighed.

"And now Prentiss is dead and he blames himself?" Rossi asked rhetorically with a steely look.

"From the way you're behaving it'd be very interesting to profile you" Hotch countered.

"And why's that?"

"Changing the subject, for one. Evasive answers yet open body language, attempts at appearing not to care about Prentiss' death. The list goes on… But you don't want to hear it. You just want to talk about it without having to ask" Hotch stated matter- of- factly.

"You got all that from a three minute conversation?" Rossi asked, doubt obvious in his voice.

A small, rare smile crept onto Hotch's face. "Body language-"

"Never lies" They finished in unison. "You read my books?" Rossi asked with a little surprised smile.

"It provides better night time reading than a stack of files… Not by much, I must say, though" Hotch added with another brief smile. There was a small pause as Hotch's smile slowly melted away. "Are you ready to talk now?" He asked seriously.

Rossi smiled a little then shrugged. "We'll see"

**I'm really sorry this is short, I tried hard to make it longer but it really was only meant for tannerose5 and anyone else wondering about how much the team knew about Reid and Emily. I'm working on making the main chapters at least 1000 words if not more as well as a few smaller chapters for your requests. I'm halfway through a look into what Emily is doing but it won't be posted for another few chapters so that it fits properly with the other chapters. I hope you liked the chapter :)**


	27. pancakes at Jenny's

Garcia's eyes lazily flickered open as she sat up on the swivel chair in her lair. She slowly stood, stretched then hit the answer button on her phone that was ringing madly as she sat back down.

"Hey, baby girl. We're coming home" Morgan said with a smile on his face as he settled into the jet's seat. "Where's Reid?"

Garcia twirled her chair round and her eyes settled on Reid lying asleep on the couch. "He's asleep on my sofa" Garcia said with a smile as she watched his steady breathing.

"I'm not asleep" Reid mumbled as he sat up sleepily.

"Oh… He's _not_ asleep on my sofa. He's just lying on it" Garcia said with a little laugh as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked round the room.

"What time is it?" Reid asked sleepily as he searched for a clock.

"Clock's over there, sugar" Garcia said as she pointed out the clock above the door. "Its 4:30am" She added as he pushed a few strands of hair out of his face.

"We'll be home by 6" Morgan added.

"Why don't we stop off at Jenny's to get something to eat when you get back?" Garcia asked as she swivelled back round to the phone.

"Sounds good to me" Morgan agreed.

"Me too" JJ added with a smile as she moved closer to the phone.

"What about you, Hotch?" Morgan asked as he turned towards him.

"I've got Jack" Hotch explained as he closed the folder and turned towards the group.

"Bring him along! I haven't seen him in _ages_" Garcia pleaded.

"Yeah, come on, Hotch" JJ begged.

"Alright, alright" Hotch gave in with a hint of a smile.

"What about you, Rossi? Pancakes at Jenny's?" Garcia asked.

"What else would I want to do at six in the morning with you guys" Rossi said, his voice thick with sarcasm but the little laugh at the end told the team he was up for it.

"We'll see you when you get back" Garcia replied sweetly down the line before she hung up and spun round to Reid. "You're coming too, right?"

"Sure" He replied sleepily as he rubbed his eyes again and looked over at the woman illuminated by the computer screens behind her. "Just let me get a coffee first"

The team were leaning against the main counter of the American styled Jenny's diner as they waited for their food to be served.

"Hey Jack!" Rossi called to the little boy who was closely followed behind by Hotch.

"David!" Jack called in his familiar little voice with a big grin on his face as he looked at the team that had become like his family.

"Hey buddy" Morgan greeted Jack with a smile and high five as he hopped excitedly around the team.

"Seven plates of pancakes, come 'n' get 'em" The waitress called as she placed the last two plates on the serving table.

The team strolled over to the table and took their plates, Hotch and Jack at the end of the group. "Thanks" Hotch said as he handed the woman a ten dollar tip for serving such a large order as fast as she had. The waitress smiled at Jack and gave Hotch a thankful nod then went back into the kitchen to continue her early shift.

"Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes!" Morgan chanted as Hotch and Jack sat down. Jack laughed at him as Garcia gave Morgan a playful nudge and handed him a fork.

"You're such a big kid!" Garcia laughed as Morgan poured even more maple syrup over his extra large portion of pancakes. Reid watched the two of them fuss over forks and couldn't help but smile, it had been four months since he'd ended up at Emily's grave with a gun and this was the first time he'd seen the whole team relaxed and happy together since.

Hotch picked up a napkin and wiped sticky syrup off of Jack's chin with that caring look he'd only showed to him since Haley had died.

"Just try some syrup!" Morgan laughed loudly as he poured the syrup onto Garcia's pancakes.

"I don't like syrup!" She protested as she attempted to wipe the syrup off.

"How can you not like syrup on pancakes?" JJ asked as she took it off Morgan and poured some onto her plate. "Everyone likes syrup!" JJ added with a laugh.

"It's too sweet!" Garcia exclaimed as she took a bite of pancake.

"Nothing's _too_ sweet" Morgan said as he licked syrup off his thumb.

"Spence, you like syrup, don't you?" JJ asked as she passed the syrup back to Morgan.

Reid nodded with a smile as he chewed on a mouthful of pancake.

"See! Even Spence likes syrup!" JJ pointed out as she handed the syrup to Morgan.

I just don't like it!" Garcia protested defensively as she took another bite of pancake.

"Hey, Jack" Rossi whispered to the little boy who was shovelling pancakes into his mouth as fast as he could. "Penelope doesn't like maple syrup"

"Penelope!" Jack called down the table as he swallowed his pancakes. "You _have_ to like syrup!" He exclaimed with a big grin and laugh.

"Fine, fine! I'll try some syrup… I won't like it, though" Garcia said as she finally gave in and poured a tiny amount of syrup onto her pancakes.

"Eat it, eat it, eat it" Morgan started chanting with a big grin on his face. Garcia picked up a little bit of pancake but played with it as she decided whether or not to try it. JJ and Rossi laughed and joined in with Morgan's chanting, soon the whole team were banging their forks on the table and Jack's contagious grin had spread through the whole group.

Garcia slowly put the piece of pancake in her mouth and scrunched her eyes closed as she quickly chewed and swallowed. "Wooo!" Jack called down the table with a big smile on his face as the sugar from all the syrup hit his bloodstream.

"How was it?" Morgan asked as he picked a pancake off of Garcia's plate.

"Horrible" Garcia said dramatically and took a big gulp of water from her glass. The team laughed a little then slowly went back to eating what remained of their pancakes until everyone's plates were empty.

"Come on, Jack" Hotch sighed with a little rare smile on his face as he stood and ruffled his son's hair.

"Aw!" Garcia complained with a little laugh.

"Can't we stay a little longer?" Jack asked hopefully as he looked up at his dad.

"Sorry, buddy. You've got soccer in a few hours" Hotch explained to him.

"I gotta get going too" Rossi said as he stood to leave.

"I've gotta pick up Henry" JJ added as she got up.

"And I've got a pile of paperwork waiting for me" Morgan sighed as he followed the rest of the team.

"Alright, you win" Garcia admitted as she stood to leave followed closely behind by Reid. The team slowly dispersed once out of the diner's doors until it was just Garcia and Reid left. "Where're you going?" Garcia asked.

"I've got a load of files I need to catch up on" Reid answered as he pulled his car keys out of his messenger bag. "Hotch says if I finish them I can go on the next case with the rest of the team" He added with a hint of excitement.

"So, I'm gonna be alone again?" She gasped dramatically then smiled at his enthusiasm. "Don't worry about it" She said as concern flashed across Reid's face. "You finish that paperwork… I'll see you tomorrow" She added as she walked back to her car.

Reid smiled back at her then slide into his car and put the key in the ignition. As he started up the engine he smiled at the diner. He thought about Emily, how she'd have liked to have hung out in the diner like the team used to after they'd arrive back in the early hours. Maybe this was what Hotch had told him about, Reid thought. He was thinking about her, thinking about her smile and the way she tilted her head, and he wasn't upset. He still missed her but he'd finally come to terms with it all. He knew if there was a heaven Emily would be there, just as happy as he was then.

And with that thought Reid drove back to the office and worked through the paperwork for the rest of the day with the smallest hint of a smile on his face.

**Yay! A long one! For anyone wondering when Emily's coming back, I've worked out the next few chapters and Emily will be home by the end of the week. I can't wait to get her back and **_**finally**_** write the twist I've been waiting to write for so long! As always, the reviews are really appreciated and they make me even more eager to write the next chapter. I hope you liked this chapter :)**


	28. we're going home

"You can come home"

Emily held tightly to the phone in her hands as she sat on the edge of her hotel bed, had he really said that? She was sure she'd heard it but over the past months without Reid she thought she heard a lot of things. She pressed the play button again to hear the message that had been left on her phone.

"Ian Doyle is dead and the case is closed. You can come home" It was a shock to hear Hotch's voice again, the last time she'd heard it was in the briefing room the day she'd run away.

"Home" She whispered to herself as she put the phone on the bed with shaky hands. She tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear and sucked in a breath. "Home" She told herself as a few tears streamed down her cheeks despite the smile on her face.

She wiped the tears away, not that it helped the ones that followed, and grabbed the suitcase she'd kept under her bed for the last few weeks as she waited for the month to be up and to move to another location. Her hands were shaking but she forced herself to pack the suitcase with the few clothes and other possessions she'd picked up along the months of travel.

She took one final look at the empty hotel room and smiled, she'd seen too many of these recently and all she'd wished for was to get that call. The call that told her she could go home to her apartment, take a sip of coffee out of her coffee cup and sit down next to Reid.

She thought about the last time she'd seen him. She could distantly remember hearing his voice after Doyle had stabbed her but what she really remembered was the conversation before she left. The way he'd tried to talk to her at the office, the concern in his voice when he offered to drive her home. His hair might have grown longer… He'd told her he'd cut it to get rid of all the bad memories that had been made while he had longer hair. Maybe he'd keep it short after what she'd put him through.

She'd missed him so much. For the first few months she found herself in a dark and lonely hotel room with Reid's number on her phone and her finger on the call button. He'd always been just a call away and she'd always had to delete the number and put the phone down to protect him.

She handed her hotel key in at the front and tipped the bellboy who'd been so eager to help her despite how many times she insisted she could cope just fine. She hopped in a taxi and was driven straight to the airport where she was ushered into a private room and eventually escorted to a jet Hotch had booked for her the day before.

After the escorts were satisfied she was alright the plane took off on its eleven hour one way trip. Emily leant her head against the plane window and smiled as she saw the familiar sight of clouds so close; it was almost like being back on the team's own jet. It must have been hard for Hotch to persuade the airline to take her.

She closed her eyes and imagined the house her and Reid had always talked about owning in the future. They talked about the big yard out back and the white picket fence in the front. The big library she'd imagined for him filled with all the books she'd buy him. The upscale kitchen Reid had promised so they wouldn't have to live off of takeaways.

Emily slowly pulled her phone out of her pocket and played with it in her hand for a minute. She dialled Reid's number and pressed the phone to her ear, from her estimate it was in the early hours of the morning in Virginia. As she'd guessed the phone rang four times then switched to answer machine.

"Hi, this is Doctor Spencer Reid. I can't take your call right now but leave your name and number and I'll get back to you as soon as possible" She heard his recorded voice down the line. She hung up just before the beep but she couldn't hide the smile on her face.

She had been with him the day he'd recorded the message. She'd tried to make it a little less official which led to them laughing uncontrollably while he tried and failed to record the message three times before they calmed down enough for him to do it properly.

She smiled fondly at the memory and watched the clouds drift by outside the window. "We're going home" Emily whispered while she gently rubbed her belly as the baby kicked.

**Again, it's another short one but it's only a mini chapter to give you a little insight into what Emily's doing. And, as a lot of you guessed, she's pregnant! I was hoping to make it a big dramatic twist but I guess I didn't do a very good job seeing as a lot of you guessed/ hoped for the twist. Oh well, I hope you like it anyway and the bigger chapter coming tomorrow! :)**


	29. I'll never leave you again

For a moment Emily stood a little confused outside the airport. She knew she should go straight to the BAU and Hotch would tell everyone from there but was that really fair on Reid? Didn't he deserve something more after the months of grief she'd put him through?

But then she thought about how Reid would react to his dead girlfriend turning up on his doorstep pregnant with his child. He'd think his genetic disposition to schizophrenia had finally caught up with him; he'd probably call the nearest institution himself.

She got a taxi to the BAU and met Hotch at the back exit where the stewardess had told her he'd be waiting.

"It's good to see you again" Hotch said in his monotone voice as Emily walked closer, she caught sight of the beard and relaxed clothes he was sporting and couldn't help but smile.

There was a small pause then Emily cleared her throat. "How's Reid?"

"He's better" Hotch replied seriously.

There was another small pause and it became obvious to Emily that Hotch didn't feel like talking. "You don't seem surprised about me being pregnant" Emily said with a little laugh as she looked down at her belly.

"Someone from witness protection told me, off the records, a few months ago" Hotch explained.

Another pause. "I need to talk to Reid first" Emily stated.

"JJ and I decided it would be best to tell the whole team together" Hotch replied as he took a step towards the door that led to the stairs.

"Hotch… I can'ttell him with everyone else… I've put him through _hell_ over the last seven months, not to mention how weird I was to him before I disappeared. You had to go through every bit of our relationship and he had to _let_ you. Please, Hotch. He deserves at least _some_ privacy.

Hotch took a deep breath then sighed. "I'll take you up to my office, the rest of the team are waiting in the briefing room so no one should see you" Hotch said as he walked ahead of her and pulled open the door.

"Then you'll get Reid?" Emily asked as she followed him up the stairs.

"If that's what you want" Hotch replied without looking round as he climbed the stairs.

xxxxxxxxxx

Reid leant back against his chair and took a deep breath; Doyle's death had reopened all the wounds Emily's death had created and that Reid thought had healed. Morgan sat beside him and faked a smile at Garcia who was sitting opposite him across the table. JJ was on the other side of Reid and next to her was Rossi; they all looked affected by Doyle's death, although all in different ways.

"Reid, meet me in my office" Hotch said as he opened the door slightly then closed it once he'd said what he needed to.

Morgan and Rossi exchanged looks as Reid silently got up and walked out of the room. Reid paused for a moment outside Hotch's door, took a deep breath then walked inside. He blinked a few times as he saw a woman with her back to him looking out of the window that showed a view of most of the city.

Reid softly cleared his throat as he looked over to the strangely familiar figure. If he didn't know what he knew he could have sworn it was Emily.

As the woman slowly turned around some of her dark hair fell off of her shoulder and into her face like Emily's did. Her chocolate brown eyes locked onto Reid's and his mouth dropped just the slightest bit before he swallowed and took a deep breath.

"Emily?" He whispered, he wanted to say so much more but his tongue felt thick and the lump in his throat was growing bigger and bigger by the moment.

"It's me, Reid" Emily whispered and took a step forward.

"No" He said and shook his head, wiping a tear of his cheek. "You aren't real… I… I buried you?" He added, his voice barely audible.

Emily laughed a little despite the tears trailing down her cheeks. "I'm real, Reid" She whispered and softly placed her hand on his cheek. He flinched slightly and sucked a breath in as she touched him then released the breath and slowly closed his eyes. "I'm right here, ok?" She said as his soft crying turned into sobbing and she pulled him into a hug.

"I… y- you…" He searched for the right words as Emily rubbed his back and soothed him with soft kisses on his forehead. "You left" He mumbled into her shoulder as he tried to steady his breathing.

"I'm sorry, Spencer" She whispered as she fought with the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. "I'll never leave you again"

He slowly calmed himself down enough and gently let go of her. "Promise" He whispered, he knew it was childish but he couldn't lose her again, not after what he'd gone through the first time.

"I promise" She said with a little laugh as a happy tear spilled onto her cheek which Reid quickly wiped away for her with a big grin on his face. "Notice anything different about me?" Emily said as she took a step back for Reid to see her better.

His eyes looked her up and down then settled on her belly, how hadn't he noticed that before? "You're… Pregnant?" He said, the second word barely a whisper as he stared at her.

"Come here" She said as she gently took his hand and rested it on her belly. "That's your baby, Reid" She said with a little smile as his hand explored her belly with amazement painted across his face.

"You were pregnant when you left?" He asked.

"Yeah… But I didn't know until I was in hospital… I would have never left if I'd known…" Emily began but trailed off toward the end.

"That's my baby" Reid whispered to himself as a happy tear slipped from his eye to his cheek. This time it was Emily's turn to wipe the tear away which followed with her placing her lips onto his. And God had Reid missed those lips.

Hotch softly knocked on then opened the door. "Are you two ready to talk to the team now?"

"What?" Reid asked, mystified at the lack of reaction at seeing Emily alive.

"Yeah, we'll be over in a minute" Emily answered for him and Hotch quickly left.

"What was that about?" Reid asked as his eyes fixed on the spot where Hotch had been standing before he left.

"I need to tell the team about me being, well, alive" Emily answered with a little nervous laugh.

"No, I know that. How come Hotch just saw you alive and didn't seem surprised? He didn't even flinch… Did he know?" Reid asked angrily as he took a step toward the door.

"When I was in hospital they couldn't tell you all about my condition… Hotch and JJ _had_ to keep it a secret to protect you" Emily explained in a rush of words as she reached for Reid's hand.

"JJ knew too?" Reid asked as he backed even closer to the door.

"Reid, I was under witness protection. They could only trust a few people and-" Emily began but Reid cut her off.

"And they couldn't trust me?" He said, his voice full of anger as he restrained from shouting.

"Where are you going?" Emily asked as he burst out of Hotch's office.

"I'm gonna tell them team _exactly_ what they've been lying about" Reid replied before he burst into the briefing room.

"What's up, Reid?" Morgan asked as he turned to see him.

"You _knew_" Reid spat at JJ.

"What's this about, Spence?" JJ asked, calm yet confused, as she stood and walked closer to him.

"You _know_ what this about" Reid replied with a steely glance to her. "But they don't, do they?" Reid asked and motioned to the rest of the team.

"What's going on?" Morgan asked with much more concern in his voice than before as he stood.

"Emily isn't dead. In fact, she's in Hotch's office right now" Reid replied with a sarcastic smile. "JJ and Hotch _both_ knew she wasn't dead and they still didn't tell us" Reid added as shock wrote itself against the entire team's face.

"Just calm down a bit and we can talk about this" JJ said as she tried to calm him down.

"What's there to talk about? You let us all believe Emily was dead even though you knew damn well she wasn't!" Reid yelled at her.

"Reid" Emily said as she hurried into the briefing room, with one hand on her pregnant belly from the strain.

"She _lied_" Reid continued as tears threatened his eyes.

"Stop it" Emily said quietly as she took his hand in hers and entwined their fingers.

"Emily?" Morgan asked as all the team's eyes settled onto the woman they'd thought was dead.

"She lied" Reid whispered as his eyes fell to the floor and a tear spilled out of his eye.

**Emily's back! This was pretty bitter sweet to write but I just wanted to put across how I think Reid would've reacted in that kind of situation. Feel free to disagree, everyone's got an opinion after all, but I think Reid would've confronted JJ a lot earlier than in the episode if the relationship between him and Emily was different. Anyway, I hoped you like the chapter, the next chapter should be up tomorrow and it'll most likely be another long one unless I get a request that'll fit in nicely with the storyline so far. Happy Friday :)**


	30. daddy time

Reid sat on the sofa with Emily's head on his lap and her body stretched across the rest of the sofa. He was idly stroking a few strands of hair out of her face when her phone started buzzing. Emily slide the phone out of her back pocket then held it above her head to check the text then dropped the phone back on the sofa and placed one hand on her belly. "Hotch wants us back at the office first thing tomorrow" She stated as she ran her hand over her belly until it settled near the top where the baby's little feet were.

"Where were you all that time?" Reid asked as he fondly watched her feeling for the baby.

"For the first month I was in Paris, then Rome, Madrid… I never really knew where I was going until I was at the airport and witness protection gave me the ticket. I was a week away from being moved again when I was told I could come back" Emily replied and gently rubbed her belly to soothe the baby.

"Maybe you should call Morgan and Garcia tonight" Reid said as he thought back to Hotch sending them both home leaving her only a few minutes to explain everything.

"I will… but for now…" She said as reached for his hand and placed it on her belly. "The baby wants some daddy time" She said with a little smile as Reid again began exploring her belly with fascination. "You're waking her up" She whispered with as the baby softly kicked against her daddy's hand.

"Her?" Reid asked as his hand did little circles where the baby was kicking. "She's a girl?"

"I'm not sure… I just have a feeling" Emily replied as her smile got a little bigger. She paused for a moment then looked up at Reid. "No statistic about how often mother's predict the wrong sex of their baby?" She asked with a little laugh.

"You used to get annoyed with all the statistics" He reminded her as his hazel eyes dropped down to her face.

"Seven months can make you miss a lot of things" She whispered then gently brushed some hair out of his face and grinned.

"Oh really?" Reid said with a little smile as he bent his head down and laid the softest of kisses on her lips. Emily ran a hand through his hair and fluffed it up a little as she kissed him back. He shifted slightly as he felt something vibrating in his pocket then broke away the kiss and pulled his phone out.

"Don't answer it" Emily pleaded and placed a hand on his chest.

"I have to, it's Garcia" He replied with a little smile then hit answer and placed the phone to his ear. "Yeah, alright" He said into the phone after a pause and pressed the loudspeaker button so Garcia's voice was audible.

"Is Emily there?" Morgan asked as he stood slightly behind Garcia at her apartment and leant closer to the phone.

"I'm right here, Morgan" Emily answered for Reid and sat up a little.

"We're coming round" Garcia announced as she grabbed her car keys off a nearby table.

"Now?" Reid asked and glanced over to Emily who was now sitting up and softly patting her belly.

"Yep" Garcia answered as Morgan picked up the phone and followed her to the car.

"We won't be interrupting anything, will we pretty boy?" Morgan said with a little laugh as Garcia started driving.

"Shut up Morgan" Reid said as his cheeks flared red despite how hard he tried to stop them.

"We'll see you in ten" Morgan stated with another laugh then hung up.

Reid dropped his head onto the back of the sofa, closed his eyes and sighed. "I told you not to answer" Emily reminded him with a teasing nudge.

"I know, I know" Reid murmured as he pushed some hair out of his face and opened his eyes.

"I'm gonna get a coffee, do you want one?" Emily asked as she stood and slowly walked to the kitchen.

Reid was quick to stand and follow her out, putting his hand over hers that reached for the coffee maker. "Caffeine's bad for pregnant women" He said sternly and guided her hand away.

"Where'd you read that?"

"Its common knowledge" He said with a little shrug the decided explain a little further. "There was a study performed in 2008. Women who consumed over 200 milligrams of caffeine a day had double the risk of miscarrying as women who didn't consume any caffeine" Reid answered with concern painted across his face.

"Reid, I'm eight month pregnant. I'm not going to miscarry" She said softly and stroked his cheek.

"I know… Can you not drink caffeine though?" He pleaded with her. "I just think…" He started but trailed off.

"I won't drink any caffeine" She said soothingly and rubbed her thumb across his baby- soft cheek. "I promise" She whispered as she leant closer and placed a delicate kiss on his lips.

"Knock, knock!" Garcia called from the other side of the door as she rapped on the door. "Stork service!" She said with a big grin.

Reid and Emily groaned in unison and gave each other a look that conveyed just how much they hadn't wanted to be interrupted. Garcia listened for a moment then knocked again as she flashed a grin at Morgan who stood a little apprehensive behind her. Reid decided he'd better let them in before Garcia broke down, as soon as he had Garcia gave him a big smile then brushed past to see Emily.

"Hey man" Morgan said with a smile as he followed Garcia inside. "How you feeling"

"Better… I kind of lost it back there, didn't I?" Reid asked shyly as his cheeks grew rosy red again.

"Forget about it… JJ probably has" Morgan answered with a sigh that had the tiniest hint of anger in it. Morgan grabbed his shoulders then pushed him forward into the kitchen where Garcia was feeling Emily's bump with a grin she couldn't and wouldn't hide.

"We need to go shopping…" She stated. "There's this really cute baby and kids store being set up a few blocks from my apartment, I bet we could get a crib from there!" Garcia exclaimed as she smiled down at the bump.

"Isn't the dad supposed to buy the crib?" Morgan asked with a laugh as he playfully punched Reid.

"As long as one of you is paying, I'm fine" Emily said with a smile as she leant against the kitchen counter and placed her hands on her stomach. She winced slightly then adjusted how she was standing and rubbed her belly.

"Are you alright?" Reid asked and took a tiny step forward, concern written across his face.

"Yeah, I'm fine" She said with a little laugh as she patted her belly.

"Why don't I help you out with unpacking?" Garcia said with a warm smile. Emily nodded and slowly walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom with Garcia close behind, watching every move she made.

"It's weird seeing her again, isn't it?" Reid said as his attention turned to Morgan who was still looking to where Emily had been standing.

"What? Oh, yeah" Morgan said with a half smile. "It's worse when you think about JJ and Hotch… I mean, JJ knew what you were going through" Morgan said, it was becoming apparent that Morgan was angrier about JJ keeping it from Reid than from him. "I don't blame you for losing it. I would of if you hadn't" He added with a smirk.

"At least she's safe now" Reid said with a sheepish smile.

"And pregnant" Morgan reminded with a grin. "Wasn't the talk I had with you enough or do you need a weekly reminder on how to use a condom" Morgan said with another laugh as Reid blushed even more.

"Shut up, Morgan" Reid begged as he brushed some hair out of his face and smiled shyly.

"Maybe Emily should've given you the talk. Might have listened a bit more then" He said with a wink and another playful nudge.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Are you alright?" Garcia asked as she turned to see Emily sitting down on the bed with her hand on her belly.

"Yeah… I'm just-" She tried to explain but the pain returned and she clenched her eyes closed and held tightly to her bump. As the pain slowly subsided she laughed a little and smiled up at the concerned Garcia. "I'm fine, really. It's just cramps" She said as gently rubbed the baby's little feet.

"Are you sure?" Garcia asked as her eyes flickered from Emily's face to the bump then back to Emily. "I'll go get Reid" She decided and hurried towards the bedroom door.

"Garcia, I'm fine!" Emily called to her as she attempted to get up and another cramp spread through her body. "Jesus" She gasped as she sat back down on the bed and held her bump tighter.

"Oh my God" Garcia stopped at the door and practically ran back to Emily. "Reid! Morgan!" Garcia yelled in the direction of the door as she sat down on the edge of the bed and began rubbing Emily's back.

"What's wrong?" Reid asked as he ran from the kitchen straight to the bedroom with Morgan close behind.

"I don't know" Garcia almost yelled at him. "You're the doctor!"

"I'm not a _medical_ doctor, Garcia" Reid reminded her with a look of shock on his face as he knelt down so he was on the same eye line as Emily. "What's wrong?" He repeated to her, his voice barely above a whisper.

Emily tried to steady her breathing as the cramping pain slowly ebbed away. "I think I'm having contractions"

**Looks like another cliff hanger for celebrating chapter thirty! Don't worry; the next chapter will be up tomorrow so you won't have to wait too long. As always, the reviews are really appreciated as well as everyone who has favourited and followed :)**


	31. a trip to the hospital

Morgan drove like a madman to the hospital, parking messily as Reid and Garcia jumped out to help Emily. Morgan ran ahead into the hospital in search of a doctor while Reid and Garcia both placed a hand on her back and gently guided her to the main entrance. "Wheelchairs!" Garcia cried as she saw a few left by the automatic doors.

"Garcia I don't _need_ a-" Emily began but paused as another cramp spread through her body like a hot rod emulating from inside her stomach. "Wheelchair" She whispered as she gasped for air and hung tightly to Reid. Garcia quickly got one and hurriedly helped Emily into it then Reid took the handles and rushed her into the emergency room.

"We need a doctor!" Garcia practically yelled as they walked inside, Morgan had hold of a man's arm and was hurriedly pulling him over to the group.

"Is he a doctor?" Reid asked Morgan, obviously protective over Emily who was gripping onto her bump and scrunching her eyes closed.

"Yes" The man replied and shot him a look as he bent down to look at Emily; he wasn't even trying to hide his annoyance at the interruption from the quiet emergency room. "How long have you been having contractions?" He asked, turning his attention to Emily.

"I don't know" Emily painfully mumbled as she gritted her teeth. "A few hours I think"

"Alright, we'll take her down to the maternity ward" The doctor stated as he stood up and waved at a nurse to help.

"Morgan, call the team. Tell them what's happening" Reid called as he and Garcia quickly followed the nurse through the emergency room, down a few corridors and into the maternity ward. The nurse then said something to the woman manning the reception desk who directed her to a private room at the end of the ward.

"Reid?" Emily asked as she lay down on the hospital bed and held tightly to the bottom of her bump.

"I'm right here, Emily. I'm right her" He whispered as he squeezed her hand and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. He felt a wave of nausea wash over him as he recalled just how similar this situation was to when she was stabbed.

"Jesus" She whispered as another cramp shook through her body. As it ebbed away she looked up at his big hazel eyes looking down at her, full of concern, and smiled a little. "Don't worry" She whispered and gently stroked his cheek.

Reid smiled a little and let out the smallest of laughs as Emily's cramps subsided for a few minutes. He gently brushed a few strands of hair away from her face and as he leant down and placed another kiss on her forehead he whispered "I love you"

"She's kicking like _crazy_, Spencer" She whispered to him with a little laugh. Reid smiled and gently placed his hand on Emily's belly, feeling the outline of one of her feet kicking ten to the dozen against his hand.

"I called the team" Morgan blurted out as he barged in, closely followed by a nurse. "They'll be here in half an hour" He said as he tried to steady his breathing.

"All of them?" Emily asked, surprise obvious in her voice as she tried to sit up. Morgan nodded and leant against a wall as the nurse began feeling Emily's belly.

"Well, you're in the first stage of labour" The nurse announced as she stood up and Emily pulled the hospital blanket back over herself. "This is your first baby, correct?" She asked as she flipped through Emily's files. Emily quickly nodded as she felt a lump in her throat when she thought about the other baby, the one she'd aborted. "And how often are your contractions?"

"About every five minutes" Emily said as she felt another cramp slam into her.

"It's unusual for your first labour to happen so fast but, considering your earlier hospitalization, we'll keep you here" The nurse stated as she paused on a sheet of paper in Emily's file. "Have your waters broken yet?"

"Yeah" Emily replied quietly as the trio gave her a confused look.

"And how long ago was that?" The nurse asked as she began writing something down on the paper.

"About three minutes ago" She answered; her voice was barely above a whisper from the embarrassment.

"Alright" The nurse said with a sympathetic smile. "We're going to move you to a different room in a few minutes, another nurse will be in to give you a gown to wear" She stated then quickly left to attend to more patients.

"We should probably wait outside" Morgan said, a little embarrassed himself, as he motioned to Garcia and Reid to give Emily some privacy. Reid reluctantly followed the other two out, shortly after another nurse came with a gown. A few minutes after the trio had left Emily slowly opened the door with a weak smile.

Reid and Garcia slowly helped her onto the new hospital bed then Garcia took a chair in the corner while Reid stood over Emily and brushed some hair out of her face.

Reid looked up when he heard some noise coming from behind the door, he was sure he'd heard Rossi's voice. His thought was quickly confirmed when JJ opened the door and he could see the remaining team members waiting behind her. "Hey Emily" JJ said as she smiled and walked over to her bedside. "The nurse said she'll be in a few minutes"

Reid subconsciously gritted his teeth and held a little tighter to Emily's hand, something only Morgan noticed. "Is the rest of the team here?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah. Will offered to look after Henry and Jack, so Hotch gave me a ride in, Rossi got here a couple minutes after us" JJ answered. During JJ's explanation a nurse came in and began examining Emily again.

"Well, you're five centimetres dilated" The nurse said as she tossed her gloves into a medical waste trash can. "If you'd like anything for the pain just ask, we're a little busy tonight so just press this button if you haven't seen a nurse for a while" The nurse explained as she handed Emily the button.

Emily gave her a thankful look and squeezed Reid's hand a little as the nurse left. "Oh, I brought you an sports drink encase you get tired" JJ said as she pulled out the drink and placed it on the side for her. Reid laughed a little at JJ which seemed to irritate her. "Giving birth isn't as easy as you might like to think" She added with a little spite in her voice.

"I never said it was easy" Reid reminded her as the smile slipped of his voice and his eyes flickered to her.

"You know what I mean"

"And what is it that you mean?" Reid said and raised an eyebrow.

There was a brief stare down that Morgan tried and failed to interrupt as the anger simmered inside JJ and Reid. "What I mean is, when was the last time _you_ had a baby?"

"I'm male, so obviously I've never had one. That's basic science, JJ" He said with even more spite. "But if we're asking obvious questions, when was the last time you lied about a friend dying?"

"You know why I did that"

"Do I?" Reid asked stubbornly.

"Stop it" Emily almost shouted as her hand gripped the bed sheets in pain. "I love you both but if you're going to act like kids I don't want either of you here" JJ's and Reid's eyes fell to the floor and murmured a sorry before another nurse came back.

"There can only be one of you in here for the birth" She stated as she checked Emily's heart rate. "You'll have decide who that's going to be within the next few minutes" She added before leaving.

"Don't worry, it won't be me" Morgan said with a little chuckle before he got up and left.

"JJ and I'll wait outside" Garcia prompted JJ who quickly nodded and followed her out.

"That was easier than I thought" Emily said with a little laugh.

Reid gave her a little smile and nodded; he'd expected Garcia to want to be there the whole time, along with the rest of the team. "It doesn't feel real" Reid admitted with a shy smile.

"It'll feel real soon, if she's got anything to do with it" Emily said with a little laugh as she patted her belly. "If the kicks are anything to go by she's gonna be one strong girl" Emily added as she watched Reid's face painted with a mix of excitement and nerves, all summed up in a smile.

"Just like her mom" Reid whispered as he brushed another few hairs out of her face and kissed her on the forehead. Reid could feel Emily's grip on his hand tighten, her eyes were scrunched closed and she was biting her bottom lip to stop herself from screaming. He grabbed for the nurse button and pressed it a couple of times then held tightly onto her hand again.

"What's the problem?" A different nurse, from the early ones, asked as she walked in with a hint of worry on her face.

"Her contractions are getting closer together. The last one was just over two minutes ago and she's having another one now" Reid hurriedly explained as his eyes darted from the nurse then to Emily and back to the nurse. He hated seeing her in pain, especially when he knew he couldn't stop it.

xxxxxxxxxx

Emily gently adjusted the blankets around the baby girl that lay in her arms, her eyes closed as she quietly slept. Emily and Reid couldn't stop smiling; the little girl was so peaceful. She'd stopped crying almost as soon as she was in her mommy's arms and fell asleep shortly after. "She's so beautiful" Reid whispered as he softly ran a finger over her cheek.

Emily looked up at Reid and their smiles got even bigger as the mayhem was finally over and they realised just how exhausted they were. They couldn't be sure of the time but they must have been there a few hours as the window only showed a starry night. "Do you wanna get the guys? I think she wants to meet the rest of the family" Emily said as she stroked a few strands of raven hair on the baby's head.

Reid nodded and reluctantly walked outside to find the group gathered nervously in the waiting area. They all looked up and held their breath as Reid walked in but relaxed once they saw him smiling.

"How is she?" Garcia was the first to ask as she walked closer to Reid.

"She's great… they both are" Reid replied. "She's waiting for you" He added as his smile turned into a grin. The team quickly stood and followed him into Emily's room where she was waiting with the now- awake baby.

"Oh my God" Garcia gasped as she rushed over to Emily, the excitement she was feeling obvious on her face.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Morgan asked as he leaned over to see the baby, his face hinting at confusion.

"A girl, obviously" Garcia answered as the baby yawned and opened her big green eyes even wider. "She's adorable" Garcia added with a big grin on her face.

"What time is it?" Emily asked as she used her free hand to rub the sleep out of her eyes.

"1am" Morgan answered as he watched Emily pass the little girl to Reid. Reid's euphoric smile grew even bigger as he gently bounced her up and down and walked around the room.

"I'm so tired" Emily mumbled as she snuggled into the bed, something she usually wouldn't have done with the rest of the team there.

"I told you you'd need that sports drink" JJ said with a little laugh as she dropped the empty bottle into a trash can. Reid gave her a thankful smile, he still had some stuff to work out with her but she'd helped Emily when she needed help most. JJ gave a shy smile and nod then walked closer to Reid. "Let's see her, then" She said as she leant closer to see the little girl.

"Cute, right?" Garcia commented as she stood on the other side of Reid watching the baby gurgle softly.

"_Really_ cute" JJ corrected her and smiled down at the baby. "Have you thought of a name for her yet?"

Reid glanced over at Emily who was now snuggled under the blankets looking fondly at him; she gave him a little nod so he smiled even bigger and said proudly "We're going to call her Jessica"


	32. she deserves more than that

"I'm fine, really" Emily moaned as Garcia laid a blanket over her and handed her a hot drink.

"You just had a baby!" Garcia reminded her then sat down on the edge of the sofa Emily was curled up on.

"I don't remember JJ having this much trouble from you" Emily sighed as she snuggled under the blanket.

"That's because I had nine months to fuss over JJ. I didn't even get a whole day with you before the sucker was popping out" Garcia said with a big smile.

"Do you have to describe it so graphically?" Emily moaned as her cheeks slowly gained a tint of pink.

"There!" Reid called triumphantly from the bedroom as he finally set up the crib. "I told you I could do it" Reid added with a grin as he walked into the living room and flopped onto the armchair.

"I never said you couldn't!" Emily said defensively.

"She did" Reid pointed out.

"You just don't look like a crib builder!" Garcia said and held her hands up. Emily laughed a little as Reid shook his head and started defending himself which was interrupted by a ringing noise coming from Garcia's pocket. "Why can't icky people just take a day off" Garcia moaned as she read the details of another murder off her phone.

"Even If they did, it wouldn't be today. We're not that lucky" Emily said with a little wink to Reid which made him smile even more. "Go on, you're gonna be late. The team need you more than we do" She added as she nudged Garcia into action.

"I'll call you at one" Garcia stated as she opened the door, before closing it she peeked through and warned them "If you don't answer I'll come round here"

As Garcia shut the door Reid grinned at Emily who returned the smile as she glanced over at their baby sleeping in the moses basket they'd bought on their way back from the hospital. Emily slowly got up from under the blankets, strolled over to the basket and slowly picked up the little girl. "Hey Jessie" Emily whispered as the she slowly opened her eyes and stared up at her mom.

"How is she?" Reid asked as he stood and walked over to her.

"Why don't you see for yourself" Emily said with a grin as she gently handed over the baby and walked out into the kitchen. "I haven't had coffee in _ages_" she added as she started the coffee machine.

"Didn't you have any while you were away?" Reid asked as he followed Emily out with the baby in his arms.

"Nope" She answered as she poured the coffee into her favourite cup. "I knew it wouldn't taste as nice as this" She added then took a sip from the cup.

"Nice, huh?" Reid said with a smile as Emily's miss of her familiar coffee was painted across her face.

"Amazing" She corrected him then gently kissed his cheek. "I missed you" She whispered as she pulled away.

"Looks like you missed that coffee more" He said with a little laugh as he walked back into the living room and softly put the little girl in her basket. He sat down on the sofa and Emily quickly put her coffee on the table and snuggled up to him, laying her head on his shoulder. "I need to tell you something" He said with a hard look on his face. "Something happened while you were away"

"What is it?" Emily said as she looked up at him with a worriedly look in her eyes.

"The day we buried you… I almost had a relapse" Emily gently took his hand and gave it a little squeeze to apologise, not realising he was going to say more. "I tried to…" Reid had to pause for a moment to get his thoughts together, he need to tell her this but it was like the words wouldn't come out. "The day after they placed your headstone I went to your grave and…" He paused again as he fought hard with the lump in his throat and the tears behind his eyes. Emily sat quietly as she stared up at him with worry. "I tried to kill myself" He whispered and wiped a tear that broke free of his eyes.

"Reid…" Emily gasped as she pulled him into a hug, his head resting under her chin as another tear slipped out.

"I thought you were dead" He tried to explain as his breathing became erratic. "I didn't see the point in it anymore"

She quietly hushed him and rubbed her hand up and down his back, gently stroking a few strands of hair with her other hand. "What stopped you?" She asked as Reid calmed down, sat up and wiped the tears of his face.

"Morgan" He said simply. "He found the voicemail I left and knew where to find me… He talked me down and took me to JJ's. I was pretty spaced out for the first day… Garcia must have come a little later" He explained as his breathing started to become steady and regular. Now Emily realised why he'd reacted so badly to JJ, she'd seen him at the lowest he could be and still didn't tell him. "They didn't let me out of their sight for weeks after that" Reid said with a sad little laugh.

"I'm sorry" Emily whispered, unsure of what else she could say.

"You weren't to know" He said with a cheery smile as he tried to hide the pain.

"Come here" She said as she stood, grabbed his hand and walked towards their little girl. "It's ok if you need to cry or shout or blame me. I want you to. I want you to be upset about how everything was handled and all the time you missed out on" She whispered as they looked down at their baby sleeping. "I want you to get it all out before Jessie starts to understand. I don't want you locking it up like you did with your dad. She deserves more than that" She said as she reached for his hand.

Reid slowly entwined their fingers and smiled down at the little girl then to Emily. "I'll sort everything out with JJ, I promise. Jessie's gonna have the best family there is. She's gonna have Uncle Derek and Aunty Penelope and JJ-" Reid started.

"And Grandpa Dave and Hotch" Emily continued with a smile.

"And Jack and Henry as cousins" Reid added with a smile.

"And Grandma Strauss" Emily said as she tried and failed to hold in a laugh.

"Grandma Strauss? Do you wanna get fired?" Reid asked with a laugh slipping through his voice as he bent down and laid a little kiss on her lips.

**Sorry this one is a little short, I still kept to the 1000 word rule but only just. My mom's car got a flat battery today plus we were on an icy road so it took almost four hours to get home. Luckily I'd started this off last night so there wasn't much to add. Hope you liked the chapter and thanks to all those who consistently review, it means so much and it's always nice to wake up to people liking what you've written :)**


	33. a coffee shop talk

Reid tapped nervously on his disposable coffee cup and took a sip at the thick liquid it contained. Usually he would have enjoyed the coffee but he was too stressed that day.

"Hey Spence" JJ greeted him with almost as much nerves as she sat down with a fruit smoothie.

"Hey" Reid said as he sat up a little and gave her a sheepish smile, a few days had passed since Jessie was born and he'd been trying to work up the courage to talk to her since then.

There was a small pause as everything Reid had planned on saying disappeared from his head so JJ decided she'd be the one to fill the gap. "How's Jessie?"

"She's good…" He said with another smile, less awkward and nervous this time though. "Emily said we should work out our issues" He stated even though it was a white lie; he'd told Emily they'd work it out not the other way around.

"Look, I'm really sorry about everything that happened and the way we handled it-" JJ spilled out quickly but was interrupted.

"I just don't see why you couldn't have told me she was alive. You didn't have to tell me where she was, just that she was ok" Reid said honestly.

"Do you think that would have been enough? Do you _honestly_ think you could have pretended to grieve for her so that no one was suspicious?"

"I could have tried"

"Spence if Doyle even had a suspicion Emily was alive he would have hunted her down and killed her. Is that really what you would have wanted?"

"Of course not"

"That's what Hotch and I thought about when we told you. We knew Emily would come back once Doyle was dead or in custody and we could explain it properly to you all… Jessie complicated things a little-" JJ started but Reid cut in.

"Jessie is the only reason I'm talking to you" He said with a hint of spite that stung JJ.

JJ watched Reid avoid eye contact with her and take another sip of his coffee. "I never wanted this Spence. I didn't want Emily to get hurt or have to go into witness protection but it happened and I was protecting her the same way you would have if you were in my position"

"I wouldn't have lied to the whole team!" Reid almost shouted as he fought to control his temper.

"Not even to protect Emily and Jessie?" JJ asked and raised an eyebrow. Reid opened his mouth to reply then shut it again and sighed. "If you had known she was alive you would have gone looking for her and you wouldn't have stopped until you found her. I know you, Spencer. You wouldn't have let Emily be alone out there if you knew"

"Why didn't you tell me when I…" Reid started but he couldn't bring himself to say it. "You knew how bad I was then and you still didn't tell me"

"Because Emily was still out there alone and vulnerable. I still knew where you were, I could protect you from yourself. If I had told you I would have put you, Emily and Jessie in danger. Doyle was watching us and if you took off he'd have followed you straight to Emily. He would have killed Emily once she'd watched you die… Is that situation any better than this one?"

"No" Reid admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I wanted to tell you, Spence. A day didn't go by that I didn't wanna take your pain away" She admitted softly. "I can't fix what happened. Being mad at me won't change the past, but it won't do the future any good"

"You're right" He said simply, feeling defeated, and took a final sip at his coffee. "I'll see you tomorrow at the office" He added as he swung his jacket on and walked over to a trash can to dispose of his empty coffee cup. "And..." He paused for a minute to think of the right word then simply smiled. "Thanks. For everything"

"No problem" She said with a relived smile before he walked out of the coffee shop and to his car.

xxxxxxxxxx

"How'd it go with JJ?" Emily asked from the kitchen as she started up the coffee machine. As a reply Reid hugged her from behind and laid a gentle kiss on her neck. "That good, huh?" She said with a smile as she turned planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"Uh huh" He mumbled as they exchanged more kisses. She pulled back slightly, once the coffee machine whistled to indicate it had finished, and ruffled his hair.

"What did she say?" Emily asked as she poured coffee into the 'his and her' cups she'd missed using since she'd been away.

"Nothing much" Reid answered as he took his cup and followed her into the living room. Emily raised an eyebrow at him which made him laugh a little and explain "We just talked"

"And everything's sorted out?" She asked as she took a sip of her steaming hot coffee. Reid nodded as he swallowed his first sip of coffee and smiled.

"I told her I'd see her tomorrow at the office" He stated and took another sip.

"You're going to the office tomorrow?" Emily asked and raised an eyebrow.

"No, we are" Reid said with a grin. Emily gave him an unenthusiastic look and pretended to hid behind her coffee cup which made Reid almost spit out his coffee with laughter. "Come on, it'll be fun" Reid pleaded. "JJ brought Henry"

"Fine, fine" Emily said and held her hands up to surrender.

"How was Jessie?" Reid asked after a small pause.

"I think she missed you" Emily replied with a little smile as Reid put his coffee on the table and walked over to Jessie's basket. He gently picked her up and cradled her in his arms as he stroked a few strands of hair on her little head.

"Hey Jessie" He whispered softly. "Did you miss daddy?" He asked as he sat back down with Emily, Jessie in his arms.

"I knew you'd be like that" Emily said with a smug smile.

"Like what?" Reid asked without the smile on his face slipping or his gaze leaving his little girl.

"You used to think parents that acted like that with their kids were crazy… You even laughed at Garcia when she baby talked Jack and Henry" She pointed out with a smile as she stroked Jessie's cheek.

"You think I'm one of those neurotic parents?" Reid asked as his gaze lifted to Emily with a different smile on his face as he leaned his head in slightly.

"I _know_ you're one of those neurotic parents" Emily corrected as she planted a soft kiss on his lips.

**Sorry this one is another late update, I had a nap that lasted a little too long haha. For anyone what the '1000 word rule' is that I occasionally mention in the author's note, it's basically a rule I made for myself to keep my chapters a reasonable length. It means that normal chapters such as this one have to be at least 1000 words before I post them. Mini chapters won't always be 1000 words long, probably; they'll most likely be around 750-800 unless there's a specific reason to make it longer. The only reason for doing this was because when I started writing I got a lot of reviews asking for longer chapters, after introducing the 1000 word rule into my chapters I didn't get as many. Hope you liked the chapter and that explanation wasn't too long winded :)**


	34. Hotch's office

Reid slowly sat up in bed, yawned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He checked the clock by his bed- 6am. He gently slipped out of bed, careful to not wake Emily who was still sleeping soundly, and walked over to Jessie's crib. "Hey sweetie" He whispered as he bent down and picked her up, cradling her in his arms. "We gotta be really quiet for mommy, ok?" He continued to whisper as he checked on Emily then carried Jessie out to the living room and placed her in the basket.

He tiptoed into the kitchen and turned the coffee machine on then went back to Jessie who was gurgling softly as she saw her daddy coming back. "We're gonna go see your family today!" He whispered excitedly as he picked her up and rubbed her back.

Emily fondly watched him bounce her around in his arms from the door, she'd been watching for a few minutes without him noticing. "She's gonna have you wrapped round her little finger when she's older" She said softly as she approached them.

"I bet" Reid agreed with and passed Jessie to her mom. "I made coffee" He added as he walked out to the kitchen and began pouring it into two coffee cups. "I thought we'd leave early so there's not much interruption to Jessie's schedule"

"She has a schedule?" Emily said with a little laugh as he carried the cups into the living room and placed hers on the table.

"Most baby books suggest you make one when you have your first baby" Reid explained and took a sip from his cup.

"They do?" Emily said as she picked up a baby book off the pile Reid had built up over the last few days Jessie had been in their lives. She gave it a confused look, turned it this way and that then placed it back on the pile.

"You've been using the schedule for a few days now" Reid stated as he grabbed the bag with all of Jessie's stuff in.

"I have?" She asked with an even more confused look. "I just thought we were too lazy to change what was working well" Emily said with a little smile and took a big sip of coffee.

"It says schedules shouldn't be too stressful so I think it's good you didn't notice" Reid said with a nod then disappeared into the bedroom to put some clothes on. When he came back out he was wearing a white shirt with thin grey lines running down it paired with a purple tie with tiny black dots, black slacks and mismatching yellow and green socks.

His eyes fell on Emily who was softly bouncing Jessie around in her arms like he had only ten minutes before. Emily must have dressed the little girl while he was out because now she was wearing a lion costume Garcia had bought a few days before. Reid silently walked up behind her and softly laid a kiss on her cheek.

Emily smiled a little before softly saying "Take the tiger to the car" and passing Jessie over to her dad, making baby faces at her as she did so.

"But she's a lion?" Reid asked, obviously confused as he absentmindedly kissed Jessie's head.

"Fine, take the _lion_ to the car" Emily sighed as she went into the bedroom and quickly changed her clothes.

Reid smiled slightly, grabbed Jessie's bag and carried the little girl down to the car. Emily was down shortly and hopped in the passenger, letting Reid drive.

"You look worried" Reid stated as he glanced across to Emily who was staring out the window, her mind somewhere else.

"Hotch called last night" Emily said quietly. "He said he was going to talk to Strauss today"

"How come you didn't tell me?" Reid asked with a frown on his face as he glanced up at the rear view mirror to see Jessie sleeping in the back, they learnt in the last few days that the motions of a moving car sent her sleep and they'd been driving her round the block at night when she wouldn't sleep.

"I didn't want you to worry" Emily replied.

"But you're worried" Reid commented quietly.

"I don't want you to lose your job… It's all my fault anyway" She sighed and pushed the hair out her face.

"It's going to be fine" Reid stated with an encouraging smile to Emily as he pulled into the car park. "I promise" He waited for Emily to smile back and give him a little admitting nod before he hoped out and went round to get Jessie out.

There were a few confused looks as they walked inside and toward the elevator, some of the people who worked at the bureau still hadn't been told Emily was alive let alone her having a baby with the genius almost everyone had asked for help from at least once.

"What are you guys doing here?" Rossi asked with fake disappoint that was quickly pushed aside with a big smile as his eyes dropped to Jessie. Emily and Reid shared a smile as he walked closer, as quietly as he could, and looked down at the sleepy baby.

"What's going on?" Morgan asked as he and JJ walked closer and had the same reaction as Rossi.

"How long's she been asleep?" JJ half mouthed, half whispered.

"Not long but she slept most of the night too" Emily replied a little louder than JJ, not worried about waking up the little girl. She saw movement behind the group and looked to see Hotch walking out of his office and pausing when he saw them. "Hey JJ, could you look after Jessie for us while we talk to Hotch" Emily suddenly said and gently handed the little girl over without waiting for a reply, it was hard for her to tell but the look on Hotch's face didn't look good.

"Um, sure" JJ said as the group turned to see Emily walking quickly toward Hotch with Reid close behind.

"I guess they get news today" Morgan suggested as Hotch closed his office door behind him once they were inside.

"Must be tough" Rossi added as the smile slipped from their faces.

Jessie wrapped a finger round a strand of JJ's hair that hung loosely round her shoulders and gave it a soft tug which made JJ look down and stroke the baby's soft raven hair. She smiled a little and said hopefully "I'm sure it'll be good news"

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long, I completely suck. I've just been so busy lately with school and exams and hospital appointments I just haven't had time to do anything, let alone write a thousand words every night. this weekend I haven't got much on so I'm planning on writing four or five chapters which will be posted slowly through the week so you guys aren't kept waiting too long for another update. The daily updates are going back to every two or three days but hopefully when things calm down a bit I'll be able to update a little more often. I hope you guys aren't too disappointed and you continue to follow, favourite, review and generally just enjoy what I put up for you. It really means the world that you've liked what I've done this far and hope your support continues :)**


	35. Hotch's decision

"Take a seat" Hotch said as he sat down in his chair and motioned to the other two. They quickly did then waited for him to speak again. Hotch sighed a little and sat back in his chair. "Strauss was out for blood over the way this was all handled" He admitted.

"Does this mean one of us is losing our job?" Prentiss interjected, worry painted across her face as she thought to one of them flying around America to catch criminals while the other sat waiting for them at home.

There was a long pause that was similar to the moment before a winner is read out on a game show as Hotch deliberated his decision. "Yes" He finally said and both agents sitting in front of him sucked in a breath and winced like they'd been slapped. "I tried my best to fight for you but she says her hands are tied. I was given the decision of who leaves" He said slowly, letting the information sink into the silence of the room "Reid, while your skills are highly valued in the team I had to make a decision and I couldn't keep both of you" He stated, it was obvious he didn't want to say this. "There are lots of opportunities for someone like you, Reid" He added with a weak smile. "Prentiss, you'll have ten hours of take down and arrest procedure training to complete before you can be recertified. It goes without saying I'm sorry it's come to this"

"Sir, with all due respect I'm not happy with this decision" Emily said slowly, unsure of how to word it as shock ran through her.

"Neither am I. But the decision had to be made and, on a personal level, I thought Reid would cope best outside of the bureau" He explained and sat back in his chair.

"Can't you change your decision on who leaves? I'm not staying if Reid isn't" She stated stubbornly.

"Emily" Reid stopped her as his hand found hers and he gave it a little squeeze. "You're staying. The team needs you"

"But Reid, you're part of the team" She protested.

"Not anymore" He said quietly. Emily opened her moth to say something then sighed and closed it.

"You can start your training as soon as you feel ready" Hotch continued. Prentiss paused for a moment then sighed again and nodded. "I truly am sorry" He added, his face showing how much he hated to say it.

"It's not your fault… It's just how things go" Reid said quietly then took Emily's hand and led her out of the office before she could protest anymore.

"How'd it go?" Morgan called across the room; all of the team were expecting good news.

"Reid's been fired" Emily spat as she followed Reid to the group.

"What?" Morgan almost shouted.

"Was it Strauss that made the call?" Rossi asked, his usual calm partially disrupted as he thought a way he could help them.

"Yeah" Emily said as she ground her teeth, resisting the urge to call her bitch.

"You can pull some strings, right Rossi? Get him back on the team?" Morgan asked as the whole group, except Reid, turned to him.

"I can have a talk with her but-" He began but was interrupted.

"As much as I'd appreciate it you really don't need to" Reid stated as he gently took Jessie from JJ and bounced her around in his arms. "Someone needs to stay home with Jessie. Besides, the bureau's pay packet isn't as big as it used to be" He said with a weak smile as he stroked a few strands of Jessie's hair.

"Awww" Garcia's voice interrupted as she hurried over once she'd seen Jessie waving her hand in the air to grab at the colourful clothes Garcia was wearing. "You guys didn't tell me she was coming" Garcia complained even with the huge smile on her face. She paused a moment to take in the sad faces around her and her smile faltered. "What's wrong?"

"Reid's been fired" Emily repeated, although her tone was no longer angry but defeated.

"What? Why?" She said and swung her head from Emily to the rest of the team members then to Reid for the answer.

"Strauss doesn't think we can work together anymore" Reid explained, he knew that what he was saying wasn't strictly true but the truth would make Strauss extremely unpopular with the team and, whilst she had been instrumental in pushing him out of the team, he wasn't about to bad mouth her- it wasn't in his nature. "I'll find something else to do with my time soon" Reid said positively with a warm smile.

"She can't break us up" Garcia protested, her eyes tinted red as she fought with tears. "We're family"

"I'll still come round" Reid said with another smile just for Garcia.

"Promise?" Garcia said, showing just how vulnerable she was.

"Baby girl-" Morgan began with a little laugh at how childish she was being but Garcia interrupted him.

"Promise" She demanded this time, her eyes getting redder by the second.

"I promise" Reid said then smiled as Garcia became relieved by his answer and smiled too. "Here, why don't you hold Jessie" He said and carefully passed her over.

"Oh, um" Garcia said as the tears pressing at her eyes suddenly disappeared and her face lit up as Jessie was placed in her arms. "She's so tiny" Garcia whispered to herself as she rocked the little girl.

"How come I'm the only one who hasn't held her?" Morgan whined and dramatically pouted which earned him a small laugh from the group.

"You'll break her" Garcia replied and pulled away from him.

"Oh, come on!" Morgan said with a laugh slipping through his voice. "We're talking about the offspring of a provable genius and cat woman. She isn't gonna break" Reid and Emily exchanged a look but decided not to protest at their new titles.

"Fine… Just be careful" Garcia said as she reluctantly passed Jessie over.

"Look at that- smiling. Just like Henry did" Morgan announced proudly.

"Just like Henry? So Jessie's got gas too?" Garcia said and flashed a smile at Emily who was thinking back to the day they'd shared the same joke.

"Just because she didn't smile for you" Morgan said and bounced the baby a little.

"I think Morgan's keeping her, Spence" JJ said with a little laugh that spread through the group.

"Alright, you can have her back" Morgan said reluctantly after he held her for a few more seconds then passed her to Reid.

"Hey Jessie" Reid whispered and stroked a few strands of her hair back into place after they'd been ruffled from being passed around. Garcia and JJ looked at each other as they restrained from saying how cute the little family were, especially with Emily fondly watching Reid fuss over Jessie. "Oh, yeah" Reid suddenly said as he looked up, an idea caught in his mind. "Do you wanna…?" Reid asked as he turned to Emily and bounced Jessie in his arms.

Emily gave him a confused then she realised what he was talking about and nodded. "We have to go and sign for Jessie's birth certificate in a few weeks. We thought you guys might like to come and pick it up with us. Maybe get something to eat after and hang out?" Emily asked hopefully.

"Sounds good to me" JJ said with a smile and nod.

"Me too" Rossi added.

"I'm in" Morgan agreed.

"It's been too long since we hung out anyway" Garcia reminded them with a playful nudge to Morgan, the only reason for doing so was the confused look he gave her when she did. "Nice lion costume by the way" She said with a knowing smile and wink to Emily.

"Yeah, looks like she's gonna be as colourfully dressed as you" Emily said with fake disappointment.

"Hey!" Garcia called defensively. "At least she won't be dressed like an emo like you did!" She added in a mocking voice.

"I believe the best term would be Goth" Reid corrected Garcia as Emily shot him a look for teasing her.

"I'd rather her go through a faze where she dresses in black than her wearing animal costumes" Emily said while she pretended to be insulted, although no one could hide the smiles on their faces.

"Are you guys _really_ arguing about what teenage faze she's gonna go through? She's only like a week old!" Morgan interjected with a big, confused smile on his face.

"Six days" Reid corrected him.

"Huh?" Morgan asked and turned to Reid.

"She's six days old, not seven" He explained calmly and rubbed Jessie's back soothingly.

"Oh, right" Morgan said with a nod then turned back to the group. "She isn't gonna be wearing all black _or_ animal costumes. And if she does I'll commit _both_ of you to mental hospitals for letting her" He warned and waved a finger in the direction of Emily and Reid.

"But clothes are merely an expression of who the person is. Stopping someone from wearing what they want is just cutting off a form of expressing themselves, no-" Reid began but Morgan cut him off.

"Reid, I swear to God. Don't make me slap you with a baby in your hands" He warned which made the whole group laugh even more. There was a small pause as the laughing subsided and Emily cleared her throat.

"We better get going. Jessie has a _schedule_" Emily said with a big smile as the group smiled at her, they all knew it would be Reid who made the schedule.

"See you later" JJ said and gave Emily a hug which was quickly followed by Garcia hugging Emily even tighter than JJ had.

"I didn't get to tell you earlier but I'm proud of you" Morgan said and patted Reid's shoulder, being careful not to wake Jessie who had drifted into sleep again.

"Proud of what?" Reid asked and gave him a confused look as he stroked the hair on Jessie's head.

"Making it up with JJ and… well, everything. I wouldn't have taken it half as well if I was you. Especially with Strauss being a bitch" He said honestly, squeezed Reid's shoulder then took a small step back.

"Me either" Rossi agreed. "I thought it was gonna take a lot longer for you to get over it all even without having to look for a job"

"Well I can't be bitter now that I've got Emily back… Or that I've got Jessie" Reid admitted, he knew he would have held a grudge against JJ and Hotch for a lot longer than he did if it weren't for Emily talking to him about it which also made him more accepting about his job loss.

"You ready to go?" Emily asked as she walked closer to Reid, gently brushing against him as her sweet perfume floated toward him.

"Um, yeah" Reid said, a little dazed as he enjoyed the moment. Emily gently took Jessie and stroked her cheek then began walking away with her. Morgan gave him a smile and nodded in the direction of Emily who was now walking toward the elevator.

"Go get her, man" He said encouragingly. Reid returned the smile and dashed off in their direction. Once he caught up with her he placed the softest of kisses on Emily's cheek and then one on Jessie's head.


	36. Jessie's birth certificate

Reid let his hand slightly slip out of the open car door and feel the cool air softly brush against the tips of his fingers. "I think Jessica Reid sounds better, what do you think?" Emily said in a thoughtful tone.

"I don't know" He mumbled, lost in his mind as he attempted to pull himself out. "I think Jessica Prentiss sounds better" He eventually said.

"Wait, you haven't decided on her last name yet?" Garcia said with a laugh slipping through her voice. "We're going to sign her birth certificate and you don't even know what you're going to put on it?"

"I just think it's old fashioned for her to take my last name just because I'm the man" Reid said in the most diplomatic voice he could manage.

"Yeah but if you guys get married then you'll have to change her last name to Reid anyway" Garcia reminded them.

"Who says we're getting married?" Emily asked, sharing the same thought with Reid as they looked in Garcia's direction from the back seats of the car.

"And even if we did it doesn't mean Emily would have to change her last name" Reid pointed out as he glanced in between him and Emily to see Jessie sleeping quietly.

"You guys are so weird" Garcia said quietly as she turned down the busy Virginian streets. Reid and Emily gave her a mixture of confused and offended looks which made her smile a little. "You're both _obviously_ in love but you're always trying to keep yourselves separate. You're only being picky over last names because you're convinced one of you will leave the other, not because you think its 'old fashioned'" Garcia explained. "You'd think after everything you'd have gotten over this" She added quietly.

Reid's and Emily's eyes flickered to the other as they shared a thought then Reid nodded and gave a weak smile. "If you want her last name to be Reid I'm alright with it" Reid said.

"And I'm fine with her last name being Prentiss, if that's what you want" Emily said, matching Reid's smile.

"You guys are hopeless" Garcia sighed from the front seat as she watched them through the rear view mirror. Reid and Emily smiled a little at hearing that and couldn't agree more, they were both so eager to please the other it left them doing things neither of them wanted.

"I think Jessica Reid sounds better" Emily repeated quietly, a little smile playing on her lips.

"Jessica Reid" Reid said to himself. "You're probably right" He admitted after a pause.

"Are we decided now?" Garcia asked from the front seats as she picked up the piece of paper with directions on. Reid looked over to Emily who was nodding so he did so too. "Good because, if these directions are right, we're here" She added as she pulled into the car park with another SUV carrying Morgan, JJ and Rossi in close behind her.

Emily let out a sigh of relief as she unclipped Jessie from her car seat and picked her up, passing her to Reid who was now outside of the car and waiting for them. "You guys should really get a sat nav" Garcia said as the other team members joined her by the car. Emily hopped out of the car and Reid passed Jessie back to her.

"We have maps though" Reid said as he pointed to the glove box Garcia had earlier opened and had been engulfed in the maps Reid was talking about.

"No kidding" Garcia said as they walked towards the building.

"Updated maps are much more dependable than a sat nav. If you're in a place of poor signal-" Reid began to explain and Emily and Garcia rolled their eyes as the lecture they'd heard a dozen times before began again.

"Alright, kids. Let's just get Jessie's birth certificate without boring anyone to death" Rossi said and shared a smile with the other team members as Reid looked around, oblivious of the joke but knowing he should be insulted.

"Hi, we're here to pick up our daughter's birth certificate?" Emily said as she approached the front desk.

"Names?" The receptionist asked as her eyes scanned the group gathered in front of her.

"Emily Prentiss and Spencer Reid" Reid answered as he placed a hand on the desk.

The receptionist quickly typed the information into her computer then looked up. "Turn right at the end of that corridor" She said pointing to a corridor leading away from the door. "First door on the left" She explained then looked back to her computer.

Emily quickly nodded then led the way with the group following close behind. She paused for a moment at the door as she readjusted the sleepy baby in her arms before opening the door to a small office with a middle aged woman sitting behind the desk. "Take a seat" The woman said as finished writing something down then looked up with a warm smile.

Emily and Reid took the two seats and the rest of the group leant against walls while Morgan's mind drifted and he started to profile the woman by the paintings and qualifications hanging on her walls. "Emily and Spencer, correct?" The woman asked as she looked down at a few pieces of paper on her slightly disorganised desk.

Reid quickly nodded and looked to Emily who gave him a warm smile to help him relax; he didn't even know why he was so stressed. "Well, this procedure is surprisingly easy" The woman said and looked back up to the couple with another warm smile. "All I need is your daughter's name and for you to sign the certificate and you can be on your way" She paused for a moment to find the document on her computer then turned back to Reid and Emily for the information.

"Her name's Jessica Reid" Emily said proudly and squeezed Reid's hand comfortingly. Reid turned to her while the woman typed in the name and gave her a warm thankful smile that the team noticed and that spread to them. Emily shifted Jessie slightly as she moved in her lap and let out a small cry for attention.

"I'll go get the certificate for you" The woman said as she stood and walked toward the door. "I won't be long" She called as she shut the door.

Emily picked up Jessie and gently placed her back down again, her little fingers wrapping round her mommy's as she did so. She quietly hushed her and rubbed her back soothingly as she let out another little cry.

"Here we go" The woman said as she reappeared a few minutes later with the shiny certificate. "Just sign where it says 'mother and father's signature' and we'll be done" She said and sat back down in her chair after she passed the certificate to Reid.

He quickly took the pen she offered him and signed then gently took Jessie so Emily was free to sign. "Well, that's everything" The woman said once both had signed and motioned toward the door. "You'll get her security code and some other bits through the mail within the next two weeks but you can take the certificate with you today" She said and handed it to Emily as Reid carried Jessie to the door with the team close behind.

"Thanks" Rossi said and gave her a warm smile as he followed them out, he'd never had any of his own children so this felt like his chance to share all that he'd earned over his lifetime. He thought of the whole team as his family but Reid and Emily, along with Morgan, were especially close to him; they were almost like his surrogate children despite their difficult start.

He quickly followed them out into the car park where they paused for a moment. "Where to now?" Morgan asked as he leant against one of the SUVs.

Reid and Emily looked round the group for answers and Garcia laughed a little. "You guys really are hopeless"

"What about Jenny's?" Morgan said as he thought back to the steamy hot pancakes he hadn't had for almost a month.

Rossi and JJ quickly nodded and she added "Sure"

"No syrup" Garcia said with a warning look to Morgan.

He held his hands up in the air defensively. "I wouldn't dream of it"

Emily gave Reid a slightly confused look so Reid smiled softly and gave her an 'I'll explain later' look in return which Emily seemed to accept as she nodded and carefully took Jessie to put her in the car. "I'm driving this time" Morgan called as he hopped into the driver's seat of the other SUV. "Rossi drives like my grandma" He said with a laugh as Rossi tossed him the keys and slide into the front passenger seat.

JJ rolled her eyes at the arguing boys and smiled at Emily "We'll see you there"


	37. Jenny's return

"There you go" Emily said softly as Jessie latched onto her bottle and the team munched on their pancakes. She couldn't hide the smile on her face when she heard the familiar little noises Jessie began making as she drank down the warm liquid, her sleepy eyes struggling to stay open. Reid looked across the table at them and shared the same smile. He quickly picked up Emily's fork, cut a piece of pancake off for her and fed it to her oblivious to the team smiling at them. "These are _so_ good" Emily said as she chewed on the pancake and placed the bottle on the table, Jessie sleeping in her arms.

"Can't beat 'em" Morgan agreed as he took a big bite of his.

"I bet Rossi thinks he could make better" Garcia said with a little laugh.

"No way" Rossi said and shook his head. "I know when someone is a better chef than me and whoever made these pancakes is _definitely_ better"

"Don't say that to loud, they might put the price up" Morgan warned in a loud whisper which earned him a round of laughed. The laughter was paused when Reid's face changed and he looked to the door. The rest of the team followed Reid's line of vision and saw Hotch following Jack to the counter, when he caught eyes on the team he looked just as shocked as Reid was.

Jack quickly ran from his father's side to the group's table and his smile grew even more when he saw the little girl. "Is that your baby?" Jack asked as he looked up to Emily, he hadn't been told in detail about her death and wasn't too surprised to see her alive.

"Yeah…" Emily said as she glanced at Reid then back to Jack. "Her name's Jessie" She said quietly to Jack with a smile on her face as she watched his excitement.

"Hi Jessie" Jack whispered softly, and then quickly looked up as his dad placed a hand on his shoulder.

"We didn't mean to interrupt" Hotch said apologetically, he felt out of place after all that had happened with Reid. "I was just taking Jack for some Friday pancakes" He explained.

"It's no problem… Why don't you eat with us?" Reid said with a sheepish smile as the group moved down the table to make room.

"Are you sure?" Hotch asked as Emily stood for Jack to sit down next to Rossi.

"Yeah" Reid said with a bigger, slightly more confident smile as Hotch slowly sat down next to Jack and Emily slide into the seat next to him.

"Syrup!" Jack called excitedly as he held the bottle high in the air and watched the sticky liquid drip onto the pancakes before shovelling one into his mouth. The group smiled at him for a moment before returning to eating their pancakes.

"So how did you guys all manage to get a day off?" Emily asked as she softly stroked Jessie's cheek.

"We only had paperwork to do so we're all going in tomorrow to finish it up before Monday" Morgan explained and took another bite of pancake.

"How's it going with jobs and everything?" Hotch asked with a hint of guilt in his voice.

"Alright… I haven't found anything but it's only a matter of time" Reid said cheerfully and gave a warm smile to him. There was a long pause as people picked at their pancakes, they were all still quite happy but coming back here had only emphasised how much had changed in the last year.

"We're all finished, right?" Rossi said as he looked down the table to see everyone either pushing their empty plates away or taking their last bite of pancake. The group looked around like Rossi had done and slowly nodded, Hotch and Emily slowly getting up to let everyone out. "I've got something in the car for Jessie" He added with a little smile as Reid and Emily looked confusedly at him. Emily gently passed Jessie to Reid as her arms ached from holding her for so long.

Hotch, Jack and Rossi were first out the door followed closely by Morgan, Garcia and JJ with Emily and Reid, carrying Jessie, at the back. The group went to the car where Rossi pulled something out of the car boot. "It's just something small to say welcome back and congratulations" Rossi explained as he passed a large, elaborate photo frame to Emily.

"Dave, this is beautiful" Emily said as she ran a finger over the soft wood and admired the detailed painted flowers trailing along the sides of the frame.

"How many photos can you put in it?" Morgan asked as he looked at all the glass slides for putting pictures in.

"Twelve" Rossi answered for them. "You take a picture every month and then you've got Jessie's first year all in one place" He explained.

"Jessie's one month old today, right?" JJ asked as Reid bounced her gently in his arms. "Why don't you take the picture here?" She suggested.

"Yeah, have all the family together" Emily said with a big smile as she opened the car door and gently placed the photo frame on a seat. Rossi went round the car and grabbed a camera from the glove box while Morgan grabbed a man off of the street to take the picture.

"Don't smile too much, you might break the camera" Garcia whispered to Morgan which made the whole team laugh.

"Alright guys, big smiles" Rossi said as they gathered closer together and Jack bounced excitedly.

And just like that the shutter snapped and the little bit of happiness they were sharing was captured on camera. Everyone was smiling widely; although it was undeniable Jack's was the biggest toothy grin there. After that Morgan, Rossi and JJ hoped into one SUV, Hotch drove Jack back home in the car they had came there in leaving the final SUV for Garcia, Reid, Emily and Jessie.

Once back at home Reid and Emily fell back into their routine. Rossi called a little later to tell them he'd give Emily the picture on Monday; the first day she'd spend back at work.

**i'll admit it, there's been a lot of fluff recently and i doubt that'll stop anytime soon. I'm gonna be looking after my cousin for a couple of weeks so i'm writing as much as i can at the moment but there should still be a chapter for Sunday. I'm also snowballing some ideas for different stories and ships so if you've got any requests me sure to message me with them, some of you already have and i'm really grateful that you're interested in what i'm writing. Please review even if it's one or two words to say whether you liked (or disliked) the chapter and maybe give a reason why so i can improve it for you next time. hope you liked the chapter and that you all have a great weekend :)**


	38. Emily's first day back

"How'd it go?" Reid asked as Emily dropped onto the sofa and stretched out.

"Well, I'm recertified to go out in the field now" She said unenthusiastically and took the coffee cup Reid was offering her with a grateful look.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Reid questioned as he sat down on the armchair and picked Jessie up.

"Yeah, I guess… It just doesn't feel the same without you" She said honestly and sat up a little to take a sip of the hot coffee.

There was a small pause as Reid thought of what to say. "Have they found my replacement yet?" He finally asked.

"They've had a few interviews but Rossi and Hotch haven't accepted anyone yet… They aren't rushing to forget about you if that's what you're worried about" She said softly. "The team's only just been cleared to go back out on cases anyway" She added and relaxed into the chair.

Reid gave a sheepish smile and stood up, holding Jessie close to his chest. "I'm gonna put her to bed, are you coming?" He said softly, 'ssleepy breathing tickling his neck just the slightest.

Emily nodded, followed him to the bedroom and watched him gently place Jessie in her crib and stroke her soft black hair. Seeing her little girl sleeping peacefully made Emily realise just how tired she was, the training and tests Morgan had her do had exhausted her.

She slowly pulled on pajamas and slipped into bed, her eyes fluttered shut and her mind slipped into sleep before Reid even had time to switch out the light.

xxxxxxxxxx

Reid's eyes lazily flickered open and he slowly sat up, looking round the dark room to see Emily's figure dressing silently. "What's wrong?" He asked as he stood and walked closer to her.

"Hotch called… there's a case" She whispered to him as she turned and softly kissed his cheek. "I have to go" She added as his heart dropped and he had to swallow the lump forming in his throat. "I'll call you from the jet"

"Bye" He whispered to himself as he heard the front door click shut. He knew this day was coming but he just didn't expect it to be so soon, Jessie wasn't even two months old yet and they were left alone for who knows how long while Emily put herself in danger. "It's alright" He said as Jessie let out a little cry and squirmed round in her crib. Reid gently picked her up and softly rubbed her back, hushing her as he rocked her back and forth.

It was a few minutes before she finally stopped crying and Reid could put her back in her crib and climb back in his own bed but by time he did so he didn't feel like sleeping. He knew from the day he'd been fired he wouldn't get to go back and things were going to be different but her leaving only made it harder for him to accept. She was going to be the one waking up in the middle of the night and leaving for weeks at a time to catch criminals while he stayed at home and prayed nothing bad would happen to her.

xxxxxxxxxx

"How's it going?" Reid asked down the phone as he bounced Jessie round in his arms, she was being unusually cranky and hadn't slept much for the last two weeks Emily had been away on her first case.

"Bad" Emily said as she swallowed a yawn and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "No one's slept for days and we aren't even close to closing the case" She explained. And we really need you here, she thought. "The police chief is just about ready to ask us to go back home" She added. "We're trying to get a fresh pair of eyes on it but it feels like we've looked at everything already… there's no consistent MO or type, he used to use the same weapon but even that's changed. It's like he's just killing because he can" She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Have you tried looking at it geographically? Maybe try and find his hunting ground?" Reid asked and took a sip of strong coffee as his mind began to process the information.

"He was sticking to a ten mile radius inside the city which we presumed was within where he lived or worked but now he's working completely off script. He's killed three more people this week. He opened up a line of communication with the local news, sent one letter then nothing"

"Have you considered multiple UnSubs?" Reid asked as he scribbled down the information onto a scrap of paper and read through it.

"We thought about it but we couldn't find anything pointing to it" Emily replied as she took a sip of her own coffee and opened the case file, intrigued to hear what Reid was thinking.

"Well the first kills are organised, efficient and close together" He said as he thought back to what she had told him every night they'd talked. "Then one of the kills doesn't work as well. Something goes wrong and it breaks their loyalty to each other. They split and start killing on their own. They try and distant themselves from the previous murders and forge their own identities as serial killers but nothing gives them the same thrill as working together so they kill more and more often in search of the same feeling" He said thoughtfully as he patted Jessie's back and walked round the room bouncing her.

"Reid, you're a genius" Emily said with a big smile on her face. "I'm gonna go talk to Hotch" She added as she closed the folder and drank the last bit of hot coffee. "Give Jessie a kiss from me" She said softly then ended the call.

When Emily's voice disappeared from the room Jessie let out a loud cry and wildly threw her hands round, her face turning red as tears streamed down it. Reid gently patted her back and paced the room; he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this up. Neither of them had slept well, he spent most of his nights comforting Jessie or watching her sleep and he was almost always thinking about finding another job.

He'd been approached a lot since word got out he'd left the Bureau. He was a very wanted man in many fields of work, from his vast knowledge of almost everything, all of which would pay him much more than the bureau ever did but he just couldn't settle on anything. Nothing really drew his attention like it had a few moments before when he was solving the case for the team.

"It's ok. Mommy's coming home soon" He whispered to Jessie as she slowly calmed down and let him carry her to her crib. He perched on the edge of the bed, pushed the hair out of his face and sighed. He took a few deep breaths then dragged himself further up the bed, pulled the blanket up to his chin and let his eyes flicker shut and sleep wash over his mind tired.

**we're getting close to chapter forty! for anyone wondering who Jenny was from the last chapter, Jenny's is the name of the american style diner the team visited in chapter 27 and again in the last chapter (chapter 37). i'm thinking about maybe (and this is a very big maybe) ending this story then making a sequel a little later. i really do love writing for this one, it's always one i can fall back on and it's never stressful, but i'm not sure whether having a lot of chapters is off putting for someone wanting to start reading it. what d'you think? if i did end this one the sequel wouldn't be up for two or three weeks just so i've had time to work out where the follow on would go so keep that in mind. **

**on another note- for anyone wondering when my other story's (reid's big sister) sequel is coming out, the first chapter will be up within the next week. it's taken a little longer than i planned but i'm close to posting, the full explanation will come with the first chapter because i don't want to bore anyone who isn't interested in the story. so, anyway, keep an eye out for it if you're interested! :)  
**


	39. Strauss wants to see you

"We're on our way back" Emily's voice said sleepily down the phone line as Reid took a sip of strong coffee and fed Jessie her bottle. "You were right about there being two UnSubs" She said as she relaxed on the jet's sofa and rested her head on the arm of it.

"You would have got it eventually" Reid said with a small shrug as he placed Jessie's bottle on the table and rubbed her back.

"I doubt it; we'd pretty much ruled it out altogether before you called…" Emily said with a sigh.

"At least you'll be home soon" Reid said cheerfully.

"Yeah, I guess so" Emily sighed and rubbed her tired eyes.

"I was thinking we could go out with the team in a couple days to celebrate Jessie turning two months" Reid said slowly, nervous of what she might say.

"Reid, that was today"

"I know… I… I thought you forgot" He admitted quietly.

"It's all I thought about today" She said softly. "I'm not gonna forget about you just because I'm working… You know that, right?"

"Yeah…" Reid said, his voice barely above a whisper, as he carried Jessie out to her crib and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Do you want me to get anything ready for you?" He asked as he slipped on some pajamas.

"Could you bring Jessie to the office tomorrow? I've really missed her" She asked and took a copy of the picture of the team at Jenny's out of her pocket.

"She's missed you too" He said as he watched Jessie sleeping, one hand resting on her cheek with the other reaching at something lying above her head. He gently pulled the thin blanket up to her chest and stroked the strands on her hair.

Emily smiled a little and glanced round at the team spread across the jet, all of them sleeping. "I love you" She whispered softly.

"I love you too" He whispered back, waited for the line to go dead then crawled into bed and let sleep wash over his buzzing mind.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Spence!" JJ called as she walked into the briefing room.

"Hey JJ" Reid said with a half smile. It felt like years since he'd seen the team walking, half asleep, into the briefing to dump the files and go bags and head home for a long needed rest. "I thought I'd bring Jessie in so you could see her before you go running off on another case" He explained and softly bounced her as she stretched out at the sight of her family filing into the room.

"Look who we've got for ya" Morgan whispered to Jessie and he wiggled a finger close to her waving hand as Emily came in and her face split into a big grin.

"Hey honey" Emily whispered so quietly so that only Jessie could hear her soft voice as Reid passed her over. She couldn't help but take in the sweet scent of Jessie's skin as she screeched from excitement and her green eyes widened. She held her close to her chest and let Jessie wrap her hand round one of Emily's fingers as the group made faces at the little girl.

"Hey missy" Rossi said as he walked in and saw Jessie madly waving her hands round with the biggest grin on her face since she'd been born. "Does Garcia know you're here?" Rossi said quietly to Reid with a little wink.

"And what's that supposed to mean" Garcia said with a pout as she walked into the room with a camera in one hand. "Jessie turned two months yesterday" She explained after Morgan gave her a confused look from the sight of the camera.

Reid and Emily glanced at each other and shared a smile as Garcia began gathering everyone, even dragging Hotch from his office to get them all in the picture. "I'm gonna put it on a timer so you gotta smile until it flashes" Garcia warned as she carefully positioned the camera. "Alright, are you ready?" She asked and held her finger over the button. She waited for everyone to nod then quickly pushed the button, dashed over to join Morgan's side and gave a big grin as the shutter snapped close and took the picture.

The group slowly dispersed; Garcia went to the check the picture while Hotch took Reid to one side. "How's it look, baby girl?" Morgan asked as he perched on a chair.

"Perfect" Garcia called as she wandered off to her lair to print the picture.

"What's wrong?" Reid asked quietly as Hotch slowly took him to the corner of the room with only Emily noticing.

"Strauss wants to talk to you" He answered quietly and glanced round to make sure no one could hear them.

"What about?" Reid asked with a look of pure confusion painted across his face.

"She didn't say but something's irritating her. If I were you I'd see her as soon as you can" He said quietly before Reid wandered off toward Emily and Garcia, who was waving crazily at him with one hand and holding the printed picture in the other.

"Hey" He said softly and discreetly brushed a gentle hand against her arm.

"Give your woman some lovin' Reid!" Garcia said with a playful nudge when his cheeks flushed a bright red and he let a few strands of hair fall into his face.

"Come on, Garcia. Leave them alone" JJ said as she tugged on the tech queen's arm.

"But they're so _cute_!" Garcia protested before she gave up and followed JJ to Morgan.

"What was that about?" Emily asked and motioned to Hotch.

"Strauss wants to see me" Reid said and tried to smile but his worry made it come out half hearted.

"Maybe its good news" Emily said cheerfully as Jessie let out a little cry for attention.

"Yeah... I better go see her now, I'll be back in a couple of minutes" he said as he gently stroked Jessie's head then left for the door.

He slowly walked to Strauss' office, feeling his palms sweat and his stomach turn somersaults. He stopped a pace away from the door, took in and held a deep breath then slowly let it out and reached for the handle.


	40. John's plan

"John" Strauss greeted her superior as a friend as she entered his office and took a seat. She'd been here many times before. Something they didn't tell you when you joined the FBI was that the higher ranked you were the more blurred the lines of work and play became. Hotch was technically a higher rank than Rossi but they still treated each other as friends, Strauss far outranked Rossi but they seemed to ignore that. The chain continued all the way up until the ranks were so blurred it was hard not to think of your work colleagues as friends or at least acquaintances.

"Erin" John replied with a little nod and smile. They watched each other for a moment, Strauss could tell there was something off with her boss but she couldn't place her finger on it. "I wanted to talk about Spencer" John slowly stated, gauging Strauss' reaction.

"Agent Reid?" Strauss asked and raised an eyebrow. John slightly retracted his body from the table when he heard his last name, he knew he shouldn't be doing this and hearing Reid's last name only solidified that knowledge. "As you're aware, he was engaging in a relationship with agent Prentiss. I knew we couldn't keep them both on the team due to… circumstances. So I left the decision, of who left, to Agent Hotchner" Strauss explained coolly, completely unaware of the signs John's body language was giving off.

"I'd like you to reconsider your decision" John said calmly. He had posed his sentence as a request but both of them knew it was a demand that Strauss would have to carry out.

"May I ask why?" Strauss asked, a little shocked as she tried her best not to choke on her words.

"Agent Reid is a good profiler" John said nonchalantly and ever so slightly shrugged.

"We can find another one" Strauss countered.

John laughed lightly at Strauss' ignorance and arrogance. "You think you can find another provable genius? Erin, you were lucky he was as charitable with his time as he was. You know as well as I do that he could have picked any career, we were lucky to get him. Do you _really_ believe it's wise to just let him slip away?" He asked and raised a questioning eyebrow.

Strauss paused for a moment, it didn't take a profiler to work out he was very passionate over what he was talking about but it did take one to understand what that meant. "I'll reappoint agent Prentiss then?" She asked and slowly shifted in her chair.

"No, that won't be necessary" John said calmly, he knew Reid would never accept the job if it meant Emily had to leave.

"I can't rehire agent Reid if agent Prentiss is still on the team and engaging in a romantic relationship with him" Strauss pointed out.

"Yes you can" John replied simply. Strauss gave him a confused look so, slightly exasperated, continued. "Romantic relationships in the FBI are forbidden if they are used to further the participants' careers. Agent Reid and Prentiss have made it expressively clear multiple times they don't wish to be move up the ranks or to leave the BAU team. Therefore, the relationship wouldn't further their careers and is not forbidden" John explained with a small, smug, smile playing on his lips with the last sentence.

"Putting them out in the field together would endanger their own lives as well as others. They'd be too busy protecting each other to concentrate on the case!" Strauss exclaimed, she was becoming more exasperated as the conversation progressed.

"They coped well enough before you found out about the extent of their relationship. If anything, they'd behave even better than before to prove that they still can be professional" John said simply.

"But they have a _child_ together, John" Strauss said in a last attempt to change his mind, it was a cheap card to play but she was desperate.

"Agent Jareau also has a child, I believe" John said slowly as he lifted up JJ's personal file. "Yes, and so does the team leader agent Hotchner. Should we fire them too?" He asked and raised an eyebrow. "I've also found a few other names working in the BAU branch you might want to have a look at- they all have children. Rather shocking, isn't it? People working for the FBI _and_ having a normal personal life. I've highlighted the ones for you that have more than one child, you should deal with them first" John said and handed her a piece of paper.

"John, this is ridiculous. This is almost half of the BAU unit" Strauss said and pushed the paper back to him in disgust.

"I know, you wouldn't believe people actually have the time for a life with the hours we assign them. The technical analyst, Garcia I believe, was very helpful finding the names though. Very friendly too, she even offered to deliver the list to you personally" John said with a smirk growing on his lips. "Now, are you going to fire all these people or rehire agent Reid?" He asked seriously and sat forward slightly in his chair.

"What's this about, John?" Strauss asked, obviously irritated by the situation.

"Agent Reid's rehiring" John replied simply. "I thought you would have noticed that's all we've been talking about, Erin" He said slowly, like he was talking to a child.

"No, what is this _really_ about? You didn't seem to mind when agent Jareau was reappointed to the pentagon, why all this interest in agent Reid?" Strauss asked and raised an eyebrow, her chin jutting out the slightest as she challenged him.

"If you remember _correctly_ agent Jareau was brought back to the BAU less than a year after her leaving"

"And you arranged that, did you?" Strauss said with a disbelieving, harsh laugh.

"No, agent Rossi made the arrangements" John said honestly then paused. "But he did need clearance from a higher rank than himself or agent Hotchner" He added with another smug smile.

Strauss sat back in the chair like she'd been slapped in the face; Rossi must have gone behind her back to get JJ back. She swallowed and steadied her breathing that was ragged from anger. "If I rehire agent Reid and keep agent Prentiss' position with the team there'll be no backlash for me?"

"Certainly not. You'd be bringing back the FBI's own resident genius- you'll be seen as a hero" John replied, he could see the idea taking route behind her eyes which made him smile even more.

Strauss stared hard at him for a few minutes then quickly got up to leave. "I'll consider it" She said quickly as she shut the door behind her and walked away from the office in a hurry.

**Here's a little flashback for you so you know why Strauss wants to talk to Reid. I've decided that this story will, unfortunately, be coming to an end within the next few chapters. There will be a follow up but I understand that a lot of you guys aren't keen on the idea so I'll bring this story to an end in a way that you don't **_**have**_** to read the second part. Thank you for all your support throughout this story; I hope you liked the chapter and the few that are to come! :)**


	41. Strauss' office

Reid knocked twice before slowly opening the office door to see an irritated Strauss sitting behind piles of paperwork at her desk.

"Take a seat" She said sharply and placed her pen down on the desk. Reid quickly did so and tried his best to steady his breathing. "As you're aware I asked for you or agent Prentiss' contracts with the Bureau to be terminated two months ago" She said and looked up at him through her glasses. Reid slowly nodded and subconsciously licked his lips. "And the BAU's first case since the turn of events has just finished" Reid slowly nodded again, his brain trying to figure out where this could be going. "It took two weeks for them to solve this case. I've looked through your case history and it's extremely rare for a case to run that long, is that correct?"

"Yes it is" Reid replied quietly, was she trying to insult the team? He'd only been in Strauss's office a few times before and all of those times one of the team members' jobs was being threatened.

"Don't you think that's strange?" Strauss said and raised an eyebrow.

"Some cases take longer to solve" Reid said with a small shrug. "The success and speed of a case being closed depends on the UnSub's profile and the police departments cooperation with the team among other factors" He added and glanced out the window where he could just about see the team laughing about something.

"But, from what the records suggest, the police department was more than cooperative; the UnSubs profile was remarkably simple once worked out. How do you explain the length of the time the team were there for?" Strauss asked and pushed the file over to Reid.

"With all due respect, ma'am, I no longer work for the FBI and anything I do say is offered voluntarily as a member of the public" Reid said, choosing his words carefully. Strauss nodded as acceptance to Reid's warning so he cleared his throat and looked thoughtful. "When the team's dynamics are changed the outcome of cases is affected, once the team has become comfortable with working without me the length of cases should decrease"

"And how long, do you think, it will take the team to adjust?" Strauss asked and leant back in her chair.

"It's impossible to predict" Reid said, then, noticing Strauss raising her eyebrow, chose to explain further. "Each team member reacted, and continues to react, differently. Some might settle into the new team dynamics within the next few cases while others might take longer"

Strauss paused for a moment, pulled the file back and flicked through it. "According to the case file, the team saw no indication of two UnSubs and ruled it out entirely until two days before the UnSubs were caught and the case was closed. What do you think caused the sudden change of thinking within the team?"

"I wasn't there to see firsthand so I can't be sure" Reid said simply, his palms starting to sweat again.

"It also says here that agent Prentiss was the one to suggest the theory of two UnSubs. Why do you think that is?"

"Again, I wasn't there so-" Reid began but Strauss cut him off.

"You and agent Prentiss talked every night, correct? You have a child together, after all. I'm sure it liked to hear mommy's voice each night" Strauss said and gave a small smile, realising she'd hit a nerve with Reid as his eyes flashed hatred.

"Her nameis _Jessie_. Not 'it'. And yes we do have a child together, as you are aware. Yes, she called every night to talk to Jessie, as any _decent_ mother would" He said and flicked his eyes over to the pictures of Strauss' children. "If that's all you need to know I'd like to leave" He added as he quickly stood and walked toward the door.

Strauss' smile quickly slipped as she realised she'd pushed him too far. "Agent Reid, sit down" She commanded as he yanked the door open.

"I'm not _agent_ Reid since I was fired" He said, his voice full of spite as he took a step outside the door.

Strauss quickly walked after him, her face full of panic as she stepped out onto the catwalk with Reid a few paces ahead of her. "And I'm very sorry about that, it was a careless mistake that should never have happened" She tried to explain as he carried on walking away with her following.

"Well it _was_ made so apologising isn't going to help" Reid said, his voice full of anger as he finally said what he'd bottled up for the last few weeks.

"I'm offering you your job back" Strauss called as his hand was inches from the briefing room door handle.

"What?" Reid asked as he slowly turned to stare at Strauss.

"It's obvious now that the team doesn't work without you… I've spoken to the other board members and they all agree. We all want you back on the team" Strauss begged as Reid's face painted a picture of shock.

"So you think you can just switch me in and pull Emily out?" Reid asked with a flash of anger.

"No, we want you both on the team. You've both made it clear neither of you want to progress into further career choices and, if you can remain impartial around each other, we want you both on the team" Strauss explained, her voice full of hope.

"I want it in my contract that, if I rejoin the BAU, Emily can't be fired because of our relationship" Reid stated as his mind began running through everything.

"I can't do that but-" Strauss began to explain but Reid cut her off.

"Then I can't accept your job offer" Reid said with a small, painful, shrug and put his hand back on the door handle.

"Ok, ok. Agent Prentiss won't be fired over your relationship. Come to my office and we'll write it up now" Strauss said and motioned backwards to her open office door.

"She can't be put in a position where she has to transfer or resign, either" Reid added as he remembered what had happened to JJ. Strauss hesitated for a moment before she exhaled and nodded.

"You've got yourself a deal" Strauss sighed as she closed the door of her office behind them and sat down at her desk, preparing to write up Reid's new contract.

**First off i've gotta say a HUGE thank you to my tech god James. Without him i doubt i'd be posting for at least a couple of months. James had a look at the laptop and the screen is in a pretty bad way but luckily he managed to transfer all of the chapters onto a memory stick. The next chapter will be the last for this story, i'll start drafting for the follow up in a week or so but i doubt i'll actually start writing up as her laptop is so different from mine it's taking a while just to write this! I really appreciate your support, the next, and final, chapter will be up tomorrow as i don't wanna keep you waiting too long. Thanks again! :)**


	42. all together

"Hey, man. Where you been?" Morgan called to Reid as he walked in.

Reid licked his lips, confusion still in his eyes, and let out a breath containing a tiny hint of a laugh. "I think I just got back my job back" He answered and looked up at the group.

"Really?" JJ asked and glanced over to Hotch who simply shrugged.

"Strauss just wrote up my contract… I start my retraining on Monday" He stated, the shock of what he'd been told moments before slowly ebbing away and being replaced by excitement.

"If Morgan's training you, I'd give up now" Emily said with a little laugh that spread through the group.

Morgan yawned a little and JJ pulled out her phone, reading a message from Will asking where she was; she'd told him she'd been home almost half an hour ago. "I'd better get going" JJ sighed as she slipped the phone back into her pockets.

"Aww" Garcia complained as the team all agreed and began gathering their things to leave. "You guys are so lame" She moaned, put her hands on her hips and dramatically pouted.

"You didn't just get off an eight hour flight" Morgan reminded her as the team walked toward the elevator.

"You're right; I didn't get to sleep on my own private jet. I just got a couple hours of sleep on a couch being constantly interrupted by your phone calls" She said as the elevator jolted into action.

"So why are you complaining about going home to sleep?" JJ asked with a little laugh.

"Because we won't see Jessie again for ages after today" Garcia said and glanced over at the little girl sleeping in Emily's arms.

"Well, now we're both working here we can bring her round a lot more often" Reid said with a little smile as Garcia's face lit up.

"Really?" Garcia asked and turned her head from Emily, to Reid, then back to Emily. Emily laughed a little then nodded in agreement with Reid. The elevator slowly stopped on the bottom floor and the group made their way into the car park, each splitting from the decreasing group as they walked towards their cars.

Hotch stopped Reid and Emily once it was just them left looking for their cars and Emily spotted hers. "Now that you're both working at the BAU you're going to need some to look after Jessie for you" Hotch explained as he handed them a business card for babysitters and nannies. "Ask for Nancy. She looked after Jack until he turned five, she was great with him" He said explained as softly as he could.

"Thanks" Reid said as Emily took Jessie to the car. "This really means a lot" He added and slipped the card into his pocket.

Hotch gave him a slightly confused "it's just a babysitting company"

"You didn't hire anyone to replace me for almost two months. You hired Emily within three weeks of Elle leaving, Rossi had replaced Gideon after a month of his resignation" Reid explained as pushed his hands into pockets and away from the cold night air.

"I had my suspicions your absence wouldn't be permanent" Hotch said with a small shrug.

Reid tried not to smile but it was hard, Hotch wasn't one to throw around compliments which made the moments he did say something like that even nicer. He glanced back to see Emily waiting in the car for him, her head resting against the window with her eyes closed. "I better go… Thanks again" Reid called before racing to the car, hopping inside and gleefully driving his little family back home.

xxxxxxxxxx

"Come on, pretty boy. It's just a couple of laps to make sure you're in top physical condition" Morgan said as he jogged around the unimpressed Reid, his arms crossed over his body as he shook his head.

"Morgan, the bureau already knows I can't do physical training and they've excused me of it. You just have to make sure I can still shoot a gun and know arrest procedure" Reid reminded him.

"But you can't expect me to pass you if you can't do a couple of laps" Morgan teased and playfully punched his arm.

"That's unfairly using your position to-" Reid began but Morgan cut him off.

"Fine, fine. You don't have to do laps… Let's just get you to the shooting range and make sure you can still fire in a straight line" Morgan said jokingly and laughed a little as he walked with Reid out of the FBI's training gyms and sports facilities to the shooting range a few blocks away.

xxxxxxxxxx

"How'd he do?" Emily asked when Morgan walked down into the bullpen, all the team's attention turning to him as Reid looked up with a worried expression.

Morgan let a little tension build then grinned widely and said proudly to Reid "You passed with flying colours"

Reid's face was consumed with a grin and he turned gleefully to Emily who was sharing the same smile. "I told you" Emily whispered to him as the team cheered loudly.

"I say we go out and celebrate" Rossi said and gave Reid a congratulating pat on the back.

"I say we celebrate by Reid taking back the load of paperwork on my desk" Morgan said as he dropped the pile of files and folders onto Reid's old desk that he'd claimed back that morning.

"Where'd you get all that from?" Reid asked as he pulled the first file off the stack and flicked his eyes through the writing.

"Apparently you do a lot more paperwork than I thought…" Morgan said as a smile crept onto his face from Reid already being so eager to start working. JJ and Rossi gave him a confused look so he expanded on what h had previously said. "When Reid was fired they need to share out his work until they found a replacement. I didn't realise how much work there was so I just said I'd take care of it" Morgan explained nonchalantly. "Anyway, we should probably wait till Friday to celebrate" Morgan added with a wink.

"You've probably got a point there" Emily agreed with a smile as she dropped her eyes to her phone. She glanced over the text Nancy had sent her about how Jessie was then pushed the phone back into her pocket. "I'm gonna head home" She said with a small yawn as she stood.

Reid's eyes glanced up from the file and he quickly placed it back on the pile. "Is it alright if I work on these tomorrow?" He quickly turned to ask Morgan.

"Sure, it's your paperwork, you can do it whenever you want" Morgan replied with a warm smile before Reid returned the smile and jogged after Emily who was waiting at the elevator for him. The team fondly watched the couple get into the elevator as Garcia approached.

"It's weird seeing them together" Morgan said quietly as the elevator doors closed. Garcia gave him a playful little nudge and he glanced down at her before grinning. "A good weird" He explained. "I like them together. I wouldn't have expected them to be like that but… they're good together. They make each other happy" he said, his smile softening as he spoke.

"You didn't expect them to get together?" Rossi said with a small laugh as he perched on the edge of the desk.

"You did?" Morgan asked and raised an eyebrow.

"You could see it by the way they looked at each other" Rossi stated with a small shrug then smiled as the team turned and looked confusedly at him. "None of you noticed?"

"They _were_ pretty good at hiding it" JJ said in her defence.

"You noticed, right Garcia?" Rossi asked and turned to her.

"I _hoped_ they might someday… but I never thought they actually would… or were… or are" Garcia kept correcting herself and her face scrunched up in confusion as she thought of the right word.

"Come on, baby girl. You've been looking at those screens for too long" Morgan said, a laugh slipping through his voice, as he led her to the elevator with the rest of the team following.

When the group got down to the car park they quickly split to find their own cars. Morgan was surprised to see Reid and Emily still sitting in their car talking by time he had found his car. He watched them for a few seconds. It looked like Emily was explaining something to Reid but it was hard to see from the distance there was between him and their car. Eventually Reid nodded and Emily smiled, laying a gentle kiss on his lips before she started up the engine and drove off, unaware anyone had been watching.

Morgan smiled a little then hopped into his own car and drove home, content with the knowledge that the team were back together and Reid and Emily were finally able to be happy.

**Well, here it is folks! The last chapter! I've loved writing for you and i hope i can continue to write stories you'll enjoy for a long time! I know some of you weren't keen on a follow up but i don't know how i could have continued writing such a long story so i've, hopefully, finished the last chapter so that you can choose whether or not you'd like to read the second part or leave it here. Whatever you choose i'm so happy you've read this far and i'm glad to have provided you with at least a little bit of entertainment. I hoped you liked the last chapter and the whole story altogether :)**


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